


Complicated

by Gabby (Kirahsoka)



Series: Where I've Always Been [6]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Original Trilogy, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: Rebels, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Star Wars Setting, Awkward Flirting, Childhood Trauma, Complicated Relationships, Crush at First Sight, Dorks in Love, Emotionally Repressed, F/F, Falling In Love, Family, Family Secrets, Fluff, Impulse Control, Meet the Family, Next Generation, Star Wars set in a Fantasy AU, Team as Family, Trust Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-29
Updated: 2018-10-21
Packaged: 2019-07-18 12:05:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 46,456
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16118090
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kirahsoka/pseuds/Gabby
Summary: With the help of her rebellion family and an unexpected addition to her life, Sabine Wren confronts long-repressed issues. Can she move forward and find happiness? Meanwhile, Riela Shan struggles to accept her own emotional insecurities and feelings of isolation.Note: This is part of the "Where I've Always Been" series. You do not have to read the other works to understand this story. Obviously, doing so will enhance your experience but whatever works for you. :-)





	1. Solitary Confinement

**Author's Note:**

> Reading the other parts in the series isn't required. However, if you would like to get up to speed quickly, see "Family Expansion". This is the most relevant work in the series for background and current relationships in this work (especially "The Form We Take" story inside that collection).

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ezra tries to get Sabine to open up to possibilities. Leia gives Shan something she had almost forgotten existed.

“Woah.”

Sabine rolled her eyes. “Do you ever listen to yourself?”

Ezra glared, but then quickly resumed admiring the elegant young woman passing by their hiding spot. “I can’t help if I appreciate beautiful ladies. I mean, come on! Look at her!”

Adjusting her position behind the large stack of crates, Sabine ran an assessing eye over the contested woman. _Boring._ She shrugged. “Kind of standard. Her face lacks… character or something.”

He shook his head. “You are impossible. Have you ever found anyone attractive in your entire life?”

“Of course!” _I just don’t get excited about it._ Actually, Sabine couldn’t recall anyone of recent interest. _Another reason not to bother. If I don't remember them, they clearly aren't worth the effort._

“Uh huh. Name one.”

“None of your business! I guess that one was attractive by definition. But, she was also… not interesting.”

The young man chuckled. “Fine, point taken.” Then, his face turned contemplative. “Have you ever found anyone interesting in that way? Like someone you’d want a romantic relationship with?”

 _I’m so not having this discussion._ Even thinking about the possibility created a sense of anxiety. Being that dependent on anyone for happiness was… too much. Trying to peak his curiosity in another direction, she raised mischievous eyebrows. “What makes you think I haven’t?”

Ezra snorted. “I’ve known you since you were sixteen, Sabine. Unless you were a ladykiller at age twelve or something, I’d know about it. Oh, and that random girl in Lothal you only hung out with because you thought she was a spy does not count.”

 _Well, she was a spy!_ Feeling a bit defensive, Sabine said, “Shows what you know! I’ve had relationships.” _Not anymore, though._ “And, ladykiller, really? Who teaches you this stuff?”

There was an cocky grin. “Ladykiller is a perfectly reasonable description for those rare soldiers of destiny who have the gift of sweeping ladies off their feet.”

Sabine gave him an extremely dubious look. “Who do you think you are? Rex? You turn sith red everytime a pretty woman talks to you!”

“I do not!” Ezra cried petulantly. His expression became airy. “I _suppose_ you could get there. _If_ you stop suspiciously eyeing every attractive woman you meet, while threatening them with certain death. You, Sabine Wren, need to learn how to be smooth.”

Sarcasm dripping, she replied, “I’ll get right on that.”

“I’m happy to give you some pointers,” he commented with a jaunty grin. “Of course, you’d also have to be willing to actually talk to the person.”

Annoyance flaring, she retorted, “I can talk to people, Ezra Bridger!”

A triumphant smirk appeared. “Oh, is that so? Then, answer my question. I’m not talking about sneaking off behind the bushes with some teenage crush. I’m asking if you have ever found someone attractive or interesting enough that you want to be with them in a real sense.”

 _So not happening._ “Well, have you?”

“Nope, but I’m keeping an eye out. That’s my point. You don’t appear to even be open to the idea.”

 _You’re right about that._ “Our lives are kind of chaotic, you know. I doubt I’d have time.”

“Don’t you want to find someone special, who really gets you?” Ezra’s voice became wistful. “A person that puts you first and loves you more than anyone else?”

Sabine gazed at him. “I don’t know, but you clearly do.”

The young man rubbed a diffident hand over his head. “Yeah, guess I do. I mean having a family is great and all. It’s just, when I see Hera and Caleb or Ahsoka and Barriss, I think it would be nice to have that kind of thing with someone.”

Gripping Ezra’s shoulder, she met the earnest eyes. “You’ll find it someday and she’ll be a lucky woman.”

His eyes widened and then a soft smile formed. “Wow. I think that might be something like the third compliment you’ve ever given me.”

Sabine chuckled. “Don’t get used to it.”

“No chance of that! You should think about it, though. I know you’re only twenty-four and our lives are a bit weird for relationships. Still, you could meet the woman of your dreams tomorrow and miss her if you aren’t looking.”

“Believe me, if I met the woman of my dreams, I’d know it.” _Besides, I really don’t want to meet such a thing. I can’t handle it._

“If you say so,” he replied doubtfully. Then, his face took on an impish quality. “But, how will you get her if you’re ladykilling skills aren’t up to snuff?”

Unable to stop a laugh, Sabine said, “Well, if she’s the perfect woman for me, it shouldn’t matter should it?”

Ezra snorted. “Oh, she is definitely going to have to be some kind of woman to put up with you.”

She opened her mouth to retort, when the target suddenly came into view. “Sorry, ‘Ezra Bridger’s Relationship Advice Hour’ is over. Time to work for a living.”

There was a cocky grin as the young man shifted from behind the crates. “Don’t even think you’re getting out of this. I’ll be requesting regular updates on our ‘Woman of Your Dreams’ search.”

Sabine sent exasperated eyes skyward. “Let’s go, ladykiller.”

_______

“Hey, what’s going on? I thought we were getting together for lunch, not breakfast?”

Leia gave her a rueful smile. “Yes, that was the plan. Except, now I’m actually leaving Chandrila this afternoon instead of next week.”

Shan’s shoulders slumped. “Oh.” A wave of deep sadness washed over her. It had been wonderful having a friend over the last few weeks. She had friends of a kind in Chandrila, but not like Leia. _Not ones who understand me. I’m too… different._

Her father used to joke that whatever the opposite of casual was, his daughter was it. Everything she felt was too much. If Shan cared about something, it was intense devotion. If someone was hurting, it hurt her. If anything was funny, she was the one laughing longest and hardest. _I always overdo it._

But, Leia didn’t seem to mind. It was acceptance Shan hadn’t realized she craved. Acceptance she hadn’t experienced in a very long time. Now, it was hard to let it go. _I still have my duty and a place to belong._ That would be enough. It had been for a long time. _Don't get greedy, Rie._

Apologetic eyes met hers. “Apparently, Ahsoka’s business concluded early and she will return this afternoon. She’s going to escort me to… well, where I’m headed.”

 _Come on. Act like a normal person, please._ Shan had learned how to combat her empathetic impulses by keeping people at a distance. Feeling too much… hurt. Plus, it was easier to fit in when you didn't react to minor events like a rancor on spice. “Makes sense,” she replied with a weak smile, “I’m glad Ahsoka is going along. We can’t have any more kidnappings!”

“Definitely not.” Leia raised a forceful hand. “I’ve had my allotment for this year! Besides, you won’t be around to rescue me. I’m certainly not going through all of that, if I don’t even get a friend out of the trauma.” She flashed a small smile and then added intently, “I won’t be disappearing forever. I’m sure I’ll see you again soon.”

The statement created a surge of happiness. “Better not be! So, do we have time for breakfast?” she asked eagerly. “Or, I can help you pack and finish up anything else you need to do. Or, I can just keep you company while you wait.” _You’re overdoing it again, Rie. She’s never going to visit if you scare her off._

However, Leia didn't seem to mind the overly excited offers and answered warmly, “Absolutely. That’s why I sent you the message. I packed early, so we could spend some time together before I leave. How about breakfast?”

Extreme contentment filled Shan’s heart and she beamed. “Perfect.”

“Follow me, _Lieutenant_ Shan,” Leia ordered in the superior tone of a princess issuing commands.

Shan rolled amused eyes. “My promotion was two weeks ago. One would think you’d be tired of that shtick by now.”

“Never,” Leia said with a twinkle, before her expression turned thoughtful. “Why does everyone call you Shan and not Riela? I can’t believe I’m just now thinking about this.”

Making a face, Shan answered emphatically, “Ugh, because Riela sounds like a weird, psychotic variety of weed. I don’t know what my parents were thinking. Even they didn’t use that name.”

“It does not! I like it!”

Shan raised highly doubtful eyebrows and then fixed her with a stern look. “Don’t even think about it, Leia. Stick with Shan.”

There was a frown as the face grew contemplative. “What did your parents call you?”

Her throat tightened. “Rie. But, no one has called me that in years.”

Leia gazed at her and then said hesitantly, “Can I call you Rie? I mean, if it doesn’t bother you.”

Shan stared for a moment and then felt a childish grin forming. “Well, if it will keep you from saying lieutenant in that princessy voice, absolutely.”

There was a brilliant smile in return. “Excellent. Let’s go, Rie. Breakfast awaits.”

There was a warm strangeness at the sound of her name. _It’s like hearing a vague memory of being loved._ The sadness rolled over her once more. _You’ve been alone a long time, Rie. Get over it._

Leia lead her into the sitting room and Shan’s mouth dropped open. There was an entire assortment of trayed breakfast items laid out on the side table with an enormously fluffy settee running alongside it. _Well, that’s different._

“I thought you might enjoy an informal dining experience,” Leia explained. “You always look like you want to strangle the royal dining attendants everytime they lean over you.”

“I do not! Well, ok, maybe a little. But, really, do they need to get that close just to refill my glass?! It’s usually only half empty, anyway!”

The girl chuckled. “I suppose I’m used to it. In any case, I decided our last meal should be memorable. It’s amazing what outlandish requests the attendants will grant, when you’re staying in the royal guest quarters.”

Shan snorted. “I don’t even want to know what they thought. Though, you’re going to spoil me. I won’t be able to go back to a soldier’s life after this! I mean, look at the cushions on that thing!” She pointed to the settee and, as always, Shan had an impulsive urge to jump on it. _You are the most childish royal guard in existence._

A mischievous grin formed on Leia’s face. “Well, that particular item I chose specifically for you. I researched and this is the bounciest settee in the entire castle.”

 _Oh, she knows me so well._ “Bounciest, huh?” She raised snarky eyebrows. “You researched this how exactly?”

“Uh,” her friend replied vaguely, “I may have gone room to room… let’s say testing each one’s relative flexibility with my feet.”

Trying to picture the reserved and dignified princess leaping on settees with a serious, evaluative expression almost made Shan fall over with laughter _._ “Um, were you in your royal robes at the time? Or, did you don your training tunic for the occasion?” Her laughter grew even more forceful.

Annoyed eyes rolled to the ceiling. “It’s not _that_ funny.”

“Oh, I beg to differ. It is extremely funny. However, it also makes you the best friend in existence,” she added with a warm smile.

The young woman shook her head. “Actually, I’m a terrible friend. I never was—well, I’m not very good at it. However, you don’t seem to mind and I wanted to do something small in return. Because, I am glad you’re my friend.”

She locked an intent gaze on Leia. “You’re wrong, you know. Being a good friend is letting the other person be who they are—accepting, listening, caring, that kind of stuff. That’s exactly what you've been to me. You are definitely not a terrible friend.”

The brown eyes misted over. “Thanks.”

Flashing a childish grin, Shan stated, “Now, I really think we should verify your hypothesis.” She leapt onto the settee and began slow, methodical jumps. _I’m a royal guard, jumping on a royal settee, in front of royalty. I can't believe I'm doing this._ After a few moments, she halted and looked at Leia. “Hmm, I do believe you may have been successful, Princess. However, to know for sure, I will need a second opinion.”

The serious eyes widened, but then a slow grin formed. The girl glanced out the door of the sitting room. Apparently satisfied no one was wandering through the guest quarters, she raced over to the seat and daintily placed herself at the other end.

They looked mischievously at each other and then began jumping in tandem. Shan could see Leia gauging their relative heights, and grinned challengingly as she launched herself higher. The girl glared and redoubled her efforts. Mid-jump, they caught each other’s eye and both burst into laughter.

The laughter threw off her balance and Shan tumbled toward the breakfast trays. Catching herself halfway, she collapsed awkwardly onto the cushions. She could have sworn a small squeal of delight came from the other end of the settee.

Lying where she had fallen and breathing heavily, Shan looked up to see an exultant Leia leaning over her. The girl commented lightly, “So, does that mean I win?”

Reaching behind her to one of the throw pillows, Shan gripped it. “Not even close!” Jerking the pillow forward she whipped it across Leia’s face.

There was a surprised yelp and then a determined, “Oh, I don’t think so.” A responding pillow landed against Shan’s head.

She lifted defensive hands, before sticking out a leg to knock her friend back onto the settee. “Got ya!” Before Leia could respond, Shan attacked, a pillow in each hand.

Suddenly, there was a crash of clanging metal and they immediately halted, glancing around. Half of the trays had flown from the side table next to them and food was scattered along the floor.

They grimaced at each other. An impish grin creeping up the sides of her face, Shan remarked, “Now, look what you’ve done, Princess. Tsk, tsk.”

Leia’s mouth dropped open, before flattening into a glare. “I’ve done? You’re the one with the matching weapons over there!”

“True. But, you started it with your ridiculously high jumping skills.”

The corners of her mouth were twitching as Leia raised a superior eyebrow. “It’s not my fault you couldn’t handle me jumping higher than you.”

Not able to hold back, Shan started laughing and couldn't seem to stop. After a few moments, she was doubled over. Unexpectedly, a pillow came down on the top of her head with extreme force.

Looking up in shock and rubbing her head, she saw a triumphant Leia. An airy voice asked, “Ready to surrender?”

Smiling with utter enjoyment, she declared, “So not happening.”

As the pillows flew through the air, Shan was happier than she had been in a very long time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was intended as an introduction to our two protagonists. I tried to convey both women's reluctance to emotionally invest, but for somewhat different reasons. I also wanted to explore two of the major relationships in their lives, Leia for Shan and Ezra for Sabine. And, of course, to lay groundwork for future chapters. These specific events open up both women to potential paths they normally try to ignore.
> 
> Sabine has long been one of my favorite characters, so I needed no convincing to write about her. However, what to do with her was another story. Well, this story as it ends up. Since I seem to have an aversion to going the standard route, I decided to take her somewhere new. 
> 
> Shan is a bit of an experimental character for me. We didn't get a lot of her inner world in "Family Expansion". But, I wanted to create a different kind of emotional mess than we usually see. She is intended to be what pop psychology terms a "highly sensitive person" or someone with sensory-processing sensitivity. People who seem to empathetically put themselves in the shoes of others, resulting in someone who feels things too deeply but also can sense what others need (along with other traits). This can hurt and/or be overwhelming, causing the person to adapt or withdraw to prevent it. However, if you prefer less 'real world' this also reads as the mythology of the Shan force-based mental abilities in reading others, focusing emotions, and instinctual feelings used for many different things. Of course, in this world the Force is much less well-defined. However, the innate abilities should still be present. Our Shan just wouldn't know how to control/use them effectively. That added with early trauma may cause a multitude of emotional issues.
> 
> In any case, you might say this entire work is a bit of an experiment for me. Hopefully, you'll forgive me if I ruin your favorite SW ship or otherwise make you annoyed. Pretty please?
> 
> [Note: This is set about two months after Alderaan is destroyed in "Where I've Always Been" and related works.]


	2. Instincts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sabine catches an unusual intruder and gets much more than she anticipated.

“Who _are_ you?”

There was a snort. “Who are _you_?”

Sabine tightened the grip on her outstretched sword. “Fine. Why are you inside a secure area of a rebel compound?”

The woman evaluated her for a moment. “I’m not sure I want to answer that question.”

“Listen, lady,” Sabine’s voice lowered an octave, “you’re really plucking my last nerve. Don’t make me kill you out of annoyance.”

Unusual slate-gray eyes flashed with amusement. “You can try.”

_Wow, she has nice eyes._ Despite the flatness of the color, there were wisps of silver around the edges that gave them a striking luster.  “Whatever. So, what’s your proposal then? We just stand here all day and stare at each other?” _Actually, not sure I’d mind. Huh._

An almost childlike grin crossed the opposing face, a face Sabine was finding increasingly attractive. _Get a grip._ _Still… it is._ The delicate skin, angled cheekbones, and full lips were textbook classical beauty. Sabine had never found that appealing, though. Perfection was boring.

This was different. The side of the mouth that loped a little too far and the rebellious bits of chestnut hair flying out of a dutch braid added a layer of quirkiness. Casually crossed arms paired with quizzical eyebrows grounded the beauty into something more approachable. The overall effect was unique. _Ok, she is both adorable and gorgeous. How does that happen?_

The impossible woman remarked, “Well, I suppose that’s one option. I have a few others, if you’re interested.”

Instead of responding, Sabine took a moment to more objectively assess the intruder. They were around the same age, but the posture had a relaxed confidence that came from experience. The elegance of the deep red cloak, high quality sword sheath, and warrior gauntlets peeking from beneath the sleeves suggested an association with a standing army. The woman had tucked the front edges of the garment behind her leather weapons belt, making it rather useless for concealment. _Probably, used to a cape. Not wearing full armor and no insignia. Odd._

The partially revealed body was well-honed. _Very._ Though, the overall build was slight, likely making her nimble. Despite the projected nonchalance, the wiry muscles were tensed, ready for a possible fight. _I bet she is good._ A strong urge to test the theory flew through her mind. _Focus._

Sabine finally said, “Alright, let’s hear your ideas.”

“Well,” she replied thoughtfully, “you could let me leave. Or, you could try to capture me. I won’t cooperate, though. I suppose we could fight it out. However, the option I would prefer is that you simply take me to Ahsoka Tano.”

_Um, ok. How does she know Ahsoka’s name and location?_ “Now, why would I do that? Unless, you have a death wish?”

There was a dry chuckle. “Alright, let me answer one of your questions. I came here to find Ahsoka. I infiltrated the compound, took a wrong turn, and ended up in this area by mistake. I know. You don’t believe me. I wouldn’t believe me. Still, it’s true. And, that’s all I’ve got.”

_I actually do believe her. Strange._ “Why are you looking for Ahsoka?”

The confident expression faltered. “I’d rather not say. I didn’t sneak in for fun. I need to be discreet.”

Sabine snorted. “Likely story.”

Annoyance flashed, making the gray glint almost silver. “It’s true.” Then, the eyes dulled to resignation. “I knew you wouldn’t believe me. I guess we go back to the other options.” The tone sounded regretful.

_I don’t want to either._ Sabine felt a strong desire to continue the conversation indefinitely. It was such a rare feeling she wasn’t sure quite what to do with it. _What is wrong with you?_ Refocusing, she took a deep breath. “Ok, let’s go. I’ll take you to Ahsoka.”

Her entire body seemed to light up. “Really?” Then, the expression turned wary. “Why would you?”

Sabine shrugged and sheathed her sword, trying to inspire trust. _That was stupid. She could kill you. Still, Ahsoka always says to follow my instincts._ “I don’t really know. It’s not a smart decision. I guess I just… have a feeling about you.”

A surprised face gazed back at her and then an adorable smile formed. “I’m glad I didn’t kill you, then.”

Sabine rolled her eyes, but couldn’t hold back a small grin. “That was so not happening.”

_______

As they made their way down a narrow corridor, Riela Shan glanced surreptitiously at the young woman walking beside her. _I wonder why she decided to believe me?_ Mandalorians were not exactly known for their trusting natures. Of course, they didn’t usually fight outside of their kingdom, either. _What an unusual person._

She suspected the woman’s skills were formidable, even by Mandalorian standards. While Shan had a slight advantage in height and build, the rebel conveyed a surety that came from repeated victory. It was a small yet forceful presence. Her sword posture had also signaled perfected form and comfort. _I wonder if I really could take her?_

Even the armor was unique, brightly painted in some kind of art deco style. Shan found herself liking it. Of course, it could have something to do with the breathtaking woman wearing it. _Stop, Rie. Keep your distance. You’ll overdo it and that never ends well for you. Ok, not never. There’s Leia._

The last thought caused Shan’s attention to float back to her companion, marveling at the smoothly tanned skin, the soft bronzed lips, and the lithe, slender figure. The slightly slanted, sienna-colored eyes seemed to contain hidden layers of complexity with each new glance and were especially irresistible. Feeling a dangerous sense of entrancement, she forced her gaze upward and found herself admiring the pixie-cut, purple-tinted hair falling bewitchingly over the woman’s right eyebrow. _Almighty Force, she is beautiful._

Suddenly, the woman spoke, “Is there something wrong with my hair?”

Startled out of her reverie, Shan hurried out, “No, of course not. Why do you ask?”

“Because, you’re looking at it strangely,” was the amused reply.

Wincing at the inability to control her impulses, Shan said, “Sorry, I just like it.” Realizing how that sounded, she rushed on, “I’ve never seen that color before and it’s very stylish. Also, it’s unusual for a Mandalorian. And, yeah… uh, sorry.”

The rebel grinned. It was a bright, confident expression that only increased the radiance of her dazzling face. “I _think_ that was a compliment, so I’ll just go with it.”

Shan said a little too intently, “Oh, it definitely was.” _Seriously? Why can’t you ever play things casual?_

The woman gave her a surprised look. Though, there might have been some pleasure in it. “Um, thanks.” Refocusing on the path ahead, she added, “In that case, feel free to stare strangely at me whenever you like.” Then, her expression became impassive.

_What does that mean? Probably, not what you want it to._ Shan gazed at her for a moment, tracing the graceful lines of the unreadable face. “I’ll see what I can do,” she finally responded, trying to make her voice light.

There was another quick grin as the woman halted in front of a doorway. Giving a somewhat awkward bow, she motioned a hand forward. “Ahsoka Tano, as requested, my lady.”

_______

Ahsoka glanced up from a pile of parchments as they walked in. Her face froze for a moment and then lit up with delight. “Shan!” The woman bounded across the room and grabbed the intruder in a tight hug.

Sabine tried not to gape at the greeting, keeping her mouth firmly shut.

The young woman evidently called Shan smiled happily and returned the embrace. “I’m so glad to see you. You’re not an easy woman to track down.”

Ahsoka leaned back with a grin, but left her hands on Shan’s shoulders. “Well, that’s the idea. How did you get in here, anyway?”

Sabine could see the affection in the fierce blue eyes. _Ahsoka cares about her a lot._ It was obviously returned, as well. The young woman was practically glowing. Feeling annoyed for unfathomable reasons, Sabine interjected, “I found her wandering around the cargo area. She claimed to have gotten lost.”

Shan grimaced and shot a glare in her direction. “You didn’t have to mention that part.”

Sabine replied with a hint of fiendish delight, “Just reporting the truth to my commander.”

Raising impressed eyebrows, Ahsoka said, “So, let me get this straight. You tracked me down in Naboo, infiltrated a rebel compound, ended up in a secure area, got caught, and then managed to talk one of my best people into bringing you to me?”

Shan flashed an impish grin. “What can I say? It’s a gift.”

_Oh, please._ “She asked to see you,” Sabine put in.

Ahsoka gazed back at her. “And, this convinced _you_ how exactly?”

_No idea. Um, she’s adorable?_ Shifting uncomfortably, she responded, “I don’t know. You always tell me to trust my instincts. So… I did.”

There was a pleased smile in return. “Wow. This is a moment to remember.”

Flushing slightly, Sabine shrugged. “Had to rub off sometime.”

Ahsoka laughed and then returned her attention to Shan, who was busy staring at Sabine.

The Mandalorian met the exquisite eyes and felt unexpected goosebumps rising on her arms. Swiftly switching attention to Ahsoka, she commented, “Anyway, here she is. Since you obviously know each other, I’m glad I didn’t kill her.”

There was a light snort from Shan. “That was so not happening.”

Glancing back at the woman, an unbidden smile formed on Sabine’s face and this time she didn’t look away. _Mother of the Force, she is unbelievable levels of gorgeous. Congratulations, Sabine, you have now met a woman that is both attractive and interesting. Just great. This is all Ezra’s fault somehow. I know it._

Shan maintained the contact for a moment and then shifted focus to Ahsoka. “Though, she didn’t even tell me her name. So, I suppose she trusted me just enough to bring me to the deadliest warrior on the planet.”

Ahsoka chuckled. “Let me do the introductions, then. Sabine Wren meet Riela Shan. Shan is a lieutenant and adjutant to the captain of the guard in Chandrila. One day, I expect her to surpass me as a warrior.” She squeezed Shan’s shoulders.

The young woman’s pale cheeks tinged pink. “I’m not sure that’s possible for anyone. However, I do intend to give it my best shot.”

Smiling softly, Ahsoka said, “I expect no less, my gifted girl.” Waving a hand, she continued, “Sabine here is an exceptional jack of all trades. She can do just about everything from infiltration to demolition. Not to mention, my always incredible girl swings a mean sword.” Ahsoka looked fondly at Sabine and then winked. “I would be interested in seeing you two spar one day. I suspect your equally adaptable and creative approaches would make it an exciting match.”

Absurdly pleased at the praise, Sabine had to hold back a silly smile and said, “Only if the gifted lieutenant promises to tell me when she’s had enough. I’d hate to permanently damage anyone.”

That got her a playful glare. “I can’t wait to hear you beg for mercy, oh incredible one.” The entrancing eyes glinted silver.

_Um, I will totally beg right now if you keep looking at me like that._ Not able to tear herself away, Sabine replied, “Promises, promises.” She had meant it to come out snarky, but it ended up sounding like something else entirely.

“Well,” Ahsoka said, looking between them with a shrewd expression, “what has you breaking into a rebel compound to find me, my dear?”

Shan hesitated, glancing at Sabine.

The Mandalorian took the hint. “I guess you don’t need me here anymore. I’ll just get back to unloading the new shipments.” She walked toward the door with both relief and disappointment.

A tentative voice called out, “I’ll see you around, though?”

Sabine twisted back with a little too much enthusiasm and had to unceremoniously shift to the other foot to keep her balance. “Uh, guess so? Well, hopefully. I mean sure, yeah.” _You are an idiot._ “Besides, I have a sparring match to win.” Laughing awkwardly, she hurried out of the room, slamming the door behind her.

Collapsing against the corridor wall, Sabine pressed the back of her head against the cold stone. _Smooth, ladykiller, real smooth._

_______

Ahsoka watched Sabine flee the room with some amusement and a good deal of surprise. _Well, that’s new._ Glancing over at Shan, she saw the fluctuating emotions the girl couldn’t quite bring under control. _Wow._

Neither woman formed connections easily and Ahsoka almost couldn’t believe her own eyes. But, it was clear they were both utterly infatuated. She worked out a maximum timeline. _Thirty minutes, at most. It’s unreal._ Though, for all Ahsoka knew, she could have reacted similarly when first meeting Barriss. _Of course, I was fourteen, not twenty-four._

Though, infatuation was just that. It was unlikely to develop into anything. From a practical standpoint, the women had very different lives that weren't necessarily compatible. For that matter, Sabine would have to actually open up to someone. _Still, if it was the right woman… maybe?_

Unable to help herself, Ahsoka commented, “Well then. That may be the first time Sabine has ever left a briefing willingly. You must be special.”

A wary gaze jerked away from the closed door. “I told her that I couldn’t share my purpose with anyone except you. I’m sure she was just being respectful of that request.”

Ahsoka snorted. “Respectful isn’t Sabine’s thing, my dear. That’s my point. However, that’s not what you wanted to talk about. Come on, let’s sit down and you can tell me what’s going on.”

_______

Shan sat on the edge of her chair as Ahsoka read the letter. _I have no idea why I’m here._ Waxer had only told her she’d been specifically requested by the Sovereign Master for this mission.

Until this assignment, she hadn’t even known Ahsoka was a rebellion leader. All the unanswered questions and vague responses from their encounter a few months ago had finally made sense. Clearly, Mon Mothma was aware of the connection. Perhaps, it came in handy for delicate matters of state. _It would provide plausible deniability._ It wasn’t Shan’s job to question, merely to perform her duty. However, she couldn’t seem to help it.

Ahsoka glanced up. “How much do you know about the situation?”

“Not much. I was only told to deliver this and help you, if needed. I assumed it was related to some internal matter that the Sovereign didn't want anyone to realize had happened, necessitating outside help to resolve.”

The woman smiled. “You are still as astute as ever, my gifted warrior. Your ruler and I…” She paused and then said carefully, “Well, let's call it, exchanging favors for mutual advantage.”

Shan nodded. “I figured it was something like that.”

“Of course, you did.” Ahsoka flashed a small grin and then turned serious. “We need to retrieve a document that is important to Chandrila’s security from an installation in Malastare. I believe we only need a small team of rebels to accomplish the objective. Sabine will be the critical player. Your skills would be an asset, as well. Then, you can return home with the document after our work is complete. It should take about a week. We will be incommunicado once we reach our Malastare compound. Do you need to inform anyone, before we depart?”

_Sabine will be the critical player._ Excitement blossomed at the thought. _Get it together!_ Focusing on Ahsoka, she answered, “No. I’m ready now.”

“Good. Also, I need two things from you. Your word you will not share the details of our facilities, people, or other workings with anyone once you leave us.”

“Of course not,” Shan replied with some distress, “I would never do anything to endanger you. You have my word.”

The woman smiled softly. “I know, my dear. It was a formality. I trust you. That is probably why the Sovereign sent you.”

Feeling relieved, she grinned. “Excellent. And, the second thing?”

“While you are with us, you must operate within the confines of the rebel command structure. In other words, I am now your commander for the next week and my orders should be obeyed.” She fixed Shan with a firm yet bemused expression.

Edges of her mouth creeping up, Shan replied innocently, “I always obey orders, Commander.”

There was a brief snort. “Of course, you do.”

_______

“How long have you been a rebel?”

Sabine glanced warily at the woman trotting beside her. “Um, a long time. Why?”

“Just curious,” Shan replied, “you seem to have well-developed skills for this kind of work.”

Wording her answer carefully, Sabine said, “I suppose I had an inclination toward specific interests that come in handy as a rebel.”

“So, you knew how to infiltrate secure locations, create incendiary devices, and pick locks before joining the rebellion?” she asked lightly.

Sabine tried to tamp down the automatic paranoia. _Ahsoka trusts her. Besides, she’s too… adorable to be a spy. Of course, that’s probably what everyone thinks before they end up dead. Really? You have serious trust issues._ “You are very curious about my background.” The tone still had a hint of suspicion, despite her best efforts.

The woman winced and flipped her head back to the trail. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to pry.”

_Oh Gods, Ezra was right. Next, I’ll be threatening her with certain death. Wait. I've already done that. Fix it!_ “It’s ok. I’m sorry if I sounded—I don’t—we get used to not talking about ourselves. I guess I’m out of practice at having normal conversations.” Sabine gave what she hoped was a friendly smile.

There was a sigh. “No, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be asking those sorts of questions.” She added quietly, “I just wanted to… get to know you better.”

_You do?_ The young woman felt a grin forming and couldn’t seem to stop it. “I wish I could tell you more about myself.” _I mean that. Why do I?_ Once again, Sabine didn’t know what to do with the unusual feeling.

A hopeful expression appeared on opposing face.

Frantically brainstorming for a way to keep the positive progress, Sabine continued, “Maybe… we could talk about you, instead?” _I mean that too. I want to know everything. Huh._

Looking away with a small shrug, Shan said, “I’m not that interesting. I imagine my life will seem quite boring in comparison to yours.”

She shook a vehement head. “Nothing about you could possibly be boring.”

The woman’s gaze jerked back to hers, eyes glittering silver.

The trees, the horses, the people—everything but Shan—seemed to disappear. Sabine had an intoxicating sensation of her mind floating away second by second. _Woah._

Suddenly, the silver reverted to a calmer gray and a whimsical grin appeared. “Alright, if you insist. When you fall off your horse from boredom, don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

Laughing with emotions that came from more than the joke, Sabine remarked, “Hmm… that sounds like a challenge.”

The grin grew wider. “Oh, I expect complete success. I mean I was informed that you’re positively incredible.”

Sabine put up mock hands of supplication. “I shall endeavor to live up to your expectations, oh gifted one.”

“I don’t think that will be a problem.” Shan’s eyes darted away, fixing on random points in the surrounding woods.

Trying not to fall off her horse from something very far removed from boredom, Sabine rushed out, “Good. Because, I have no intention of disappointing you.” She added in a more deliberate tone, “In fact, I’m quite invested in that not happening.”

The roaming eyes raced back to hers. “You are?”

The look shining from the mesmerizing gaze made Sabine’s stomach cartwheel in wonderful chaos. She stuttered, “I-I—am—” _Come on! Be smooth!_ Concentrating hard, she tried again. “Yes. Extremely invested.”  

The stunningly gorgeous face transformed into a pleased, childlike grin. “Let's see what you've got then, my incredible rebel.”

Sabine smiled back vacantly. _You are adorable._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I absolutely love these two. The instinctual attraction warring with the instinct to withdraw, resulting in attempts to mentally slap themselves is especially endearing. Oh, and Sabine trying to apply Ezra's advice I enjoyed writing way too much. She's out of her comfort zone and emotionally invested in a relationship outcome for once, though she may not realize it. I guess he’s the only person who has ever offered any guidance on how to impress a girl (no matter how effective). It’s not like she’s been thinking about it. 
> 
> Anyhow, what I was trying to create was the intensity and confusion of a teenage crush with grown women who have a bit of stunted emotional growth. Perhaps, being forced into adulthood at such young ages means they never progressed through normal teenage angst to become adjusted adults. So, you have a strange combination of adult sensibilities with emotional inexperience (at least in this area).
> 
> Whether I achieved any of this or not is another story. Also, fiction is subjective so feel free to interpret it your own way! In fact, I’d be interested in hearing your take on these two, if anyone has an opinion! As I mentioned, this is a bit of a experiment for me.


	3. Young and Foolish

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sabine and Shan deal with unexpected emotions, while planning and executing the mission.  
> Ahsoka just wants everyone to survive the experience.

“So, how do you know Ahsoka?” Sabine sat down on a crate, crossing slender legs and resting a delicate chin on her fist. The woman had dragged Shan to the supply room upon arriving in Malastare, insisting she needed a more lightweight cloak for infiltration.

After much discussion and sifting through a stack of options, Shan had selected a midnight blue garment made of some kind of soft and oddly flexible fabric. Shrugging it over her shoulders and testing out the movement, she considered how to answer. The events in Chandrila with Leia had been classified. _But, my life isn't._ “I've known her since I was a child. My mother was one of her company commanders in Shili.”

“Wow! So, you knew her as a princess? What was she like then?”

“Uh, I don't really remember. I was pretty young and only have vague memories.” She smoothed the cloak with satisfaction. _I like this. I wonder how it looks? Sabine seemed to like that green one better…_ Realizing her mouth had formed a small frown at the thought, Shan mentally slapped herself.

Her companion seemed disappointed at the lack of answers. “Oh ok. Guess that makes sense.”

An urge to make the woman happy spurred Shan to think furiously. “Well, I do have a memory of Ahsoka grinning at me. It's the same grin as now, the one that makes you feel special. The thing I really remember is that she talked to me like everyone else, not like a child I mean—as if I was saying something important. Even though, I'm sure I probably wasn't.”

The woman laughed. “That does sound like Ahsoka.” Then, she blurted out, “You look great in that.” There was a wince. “Um, not that you don’t usually, of course.” Her cheeks tinged pink. “I mean you have good taste in cloaks.” That was followed by another wince. “Not that you don't in other things, too.” There was a frustrated choke and Sabine’s chin slipped off her fist to look at the floor.

Trying to sound casual, despite the warmth speckling across her neck, Shan replied, “Thanks. I think that was a compliment, anyway, so I'll just go with it.”

Sabine flipped her head back up, mouth twitching. “Oh, it definitely was.”

Heat now flooded her entire body and Shan’s arms folded across her chest, fingers nervously rolling the edge of cloak fabric. She swiftly returned to the original topic. “My mother always said Ahsoka was the greatest warrior she ever served under. Mom was very proud to be in the 501st…” she trailed off as memories floated by.

Sabine looked at her uncertainly. “Is your mother…?”

Shaking a head, she answered the implied question. “She died when Shili fell.” Tears pooled and Shan struggled to push them back, fingers absently jerking at the garment beneath them. Realizing what she was doing, Shan halted and dropped her arms. _You can’t even have a normal conversation without crying, now? Get it together._

“Oh, I'm sorry.” The voice was genuine and concerned. “That must be tough.”

“Thanks. It was a long time ago.” Shan sat down on the crate next to Sabine’s, feeling a bit weak. “Sometimes it still makes me sad, though.” She almost whispered, “I miss her.”

The woman’s shoulders hunched. “Sorry, I shouldn't have asked,” she said in quiet distress.

 _Please, don't be upset._ “No,” Shan quickly replied, fixing a supportive gaze on Sabine, “it's alright. I don't mind talking about it with you.” _I would tell you anything._ The thought surprised her, yet she knew it was true.

The sienna eyes took on a burning fervency. “I'm glad.”

Totally different emotions now threatened to overwhelm her control. _I love it when you look at me like that._ Shan stared back, having no ability to stop even if she wanted to. _You are so much more than beautiful._

After a few moments, Sabine swallowed and then asked, “Um, what about other family?”

Shan attempted to keep her voice even. “I don't have any. My father died when I was sixteen.” The aching loneliness surfaced and her mind drifted away. She had forgotten it in Sabine’s company and its return was that much more painful. “I suppose the Chandrila army is the closest thing I have. It’s not—it’s fine, but not quite the same.” A hand touched her arm and Shan’s focus swung back to the woman beside her.

Sabine’s face seemed pained and she spoke hesitantly, “I don't know how, but I wish I could make it better.”

As she gazed into the sympathetic eyes, the loneliness and sadness vanished, replaced by a warm contentment. “You already have. I don’t have any—well, you caring makes it feel better.”

“I do care,” was the soft reply. The sienna orbs glowed with an indescribable emotion, but whatever it was made Shan's heart rate increase exponentially.

Not wanting to lose it, Shan desperately maintained the connection. The longer it continued, the more she was aware of every last shred of Sabine's presence. The fingers still laying on her arm trembled, shallow breaths became uneven, burning pupils dilated ever larger, and a mesmerizing face was inching toward hers. _Oh Force._

Realizing her own head was drawing closer to the other woman's, Shan continued its slow progression, small jitters flipping inside her stomach. The anticipation was exquisite and excruciating.

“Mother of a SITH!” The moment shattered as a crash rang out from the doorway. Jerking back from each other, they saw a fuming Ahsoka ineffectively kicking a huge crate into the room.

The woman jumped when she saw them. “Oh, there you are. I wondered where…” Ahsoka must have seen something in their awkward faces, because she didn’t finish the thought. “Um, can you take care of this crate for me? We're not getting along very well. In fact, I might stab it in a moment.”

Sabine leapt up with an overly loud laugh. “Sure. I'll get it.”

Also rising, Shan added eagerly, “I'll help.”

“No, it's ok. I can handle it. You have better things to do, now that you've got a cloak.” Sabine started assessing the offending crate very intently.

Shoulders slumping, Shan’s arms wrapped around her chest. “Alright, if that's what you want.” _Did I imagine what just happened? I don’t think so. Then, why doesn’t she want me to stay? Maybe you overdid it?_

Ahsoka glanced between them, looking a bit exasperated. “I meant both of you. Get to it, soldiers.” She grinned and strolled out.

Sabine was silent for a moment and then smiled tentatively. “So, um, want to help me move a large, unwieldy, apparently obstinate box?”

Unable to hide her disproportionately high level of pleasure at the request, an excited grin formed. “Absolutely.” _Really, Rie? Whatever the opposite of casual is… it’s definitely you._

_______

_You need to get a grip, Sabine Wren. How did you let this happen?_

Vacantly holding the box of supplies, she continued to gaze at the epitome of all things magnificent that was Riela Shan. The woman was on the other side of the operations center, laughing at something Ahsoka had said—exquisite eyes flashing silver, graceful arms wrapped around her stomach, an adorable grin on the gorgeous face. _All I think about is you._

 _She's going to leave soon, you know._ Letting herself fall into the moment now would mean misery later. Yet, she appeared to be doing just that. _I suppose you could always try a… relationship._ The woman almost dropped the supplies in shock at her own thoughts.

Attempting to maintain a hold on reality, Sabine closed her eyes. _It will never work. She’s a duty-bound royal guard. You’re a covert rebel operative. It’s two different worlds._

 _Besides, you don't do relationships, remember? It’s dangerous. Trusting someone with your happiness will only bring pain._ An intense, visceral emotion rejected the argument. _No. Not her. She wouldn’t hurt me. I know it._ Rationality reasserted itself. _Anyone can hurt you. Even the people who are supposed to love you. That’s what you know._

Opening her eyes, she found them tracing a path back to Shan. This time, the entrancing face was gazing back at her _._ Pleasant chills rolled over Sabine’s body and her chest seemed to be in her throat.

In that moment, Sabine knew she didn’t care about the consequences. _Oh, I am so dead._

_______

Sabine let out a curse as her staff clattered away across the floor. Now weaponless, she cartwheeled around Shan to avoid the attack. A small breeze ruffled the hairs on her sleeveless arms as a staff passed over them. Twisting legs in the air, she thrust backwards and felt a satisfying thud of feet hitting a body. Landing upright, she pivoted around to find her opponent still standing, about to strike. Surprised, Sabine spun sideways to avoid the blow and stumbled slightly.

Shan pounced on the imbalance, lunging a dynamic jab towards Sabine’s chest. Anticipating the move, the Mandalorian ducked underneath the weapon and then dove into the woman’s knees, bringing her to the ground. Shan’s grip on her staff loosened and Sabine knocked it away with a triumphant smile.

Powerful legs coiled underneath Sabine’s grasp and released, throwing off the hold. Shan instantly crouched and leapt forward, landing on top of her. Strong fingers gripped Sabine’s arms, pinning them firmly to her body, while forceful legs immobilized her waist.

The Mandalorian relaxed her muscles and then abruptly flexed as she ripped herself from the restraining hands. She locked her now free arms around Shan’s back, trying to leverage the woman to gain the top position. However, her opponent continued to block and counter every move Sabine made to flip her.

They ended up rolling haphazardly across the sparring floor for several rotations, both vying for control, until their eyes abruptly met.

An incredible shock ran through Sabine and her entire body seemed to lose cohesion. The opposing grip simultaneously slackened. They came to a stop, laying on their sides, still wrapped together and breathing heavily.

Sabine stared into the entrancing eyes, breaths becoming more not less erratic. _Gods, I want to kiss you right now. So much._ Her chest throbbed, but she knew it wasn’t from the fight.

The arms around her were trembling, either from exertion or something else. Shan’s expression had filled with a longing intensity.

A wonderful shudder ran across Sabine’s body. In fact, it seemed to be aware of everything Shan was doing as it roiled excitedly at every breath, shiver, and pulse from the other woman. Everything about it was intoxicating. They could only have been in this position for a few seconds, yet it seemed infinite. _I could stay like this forever._

A dry voice commented, “Shall we call it a draw, then?”

They jerked away, leaping to their feet. Sabine felt her face burning and couldn’t meet Ahsoka’s eyes.

Shan answered shakily, “I suppose so.”

“Hmm, maybe a rematch after the mission is over,” Ahsoka said. “Go get cleaned up and meet me in the situation room. We need to finalize our strategy and prep.”

Sabine nodded, risking a quick look at Ahsoka.

The woman’s expression was amused, though there may have been some hidden exasperation beneath it. It was hard to tell. “Well, I was right. It was definitely an interesting match.” Giving them an impish grin, she exited the room.

They both remained silent, not looking at each other. _Say something!_

Shan saved her the trouble. “That was… fun. You are really good.”

“So are you.” Sabine snuck a glance at her.

The woman’s eyes were fixed on the floor. “Thanks.”

Now that she had looked, Sabine couldn't seem to stop. Shan was wearing an emerald green, one-piece tunic. It hugged the well-defined curves of her body and accented the gray eyes and pale skin, creating an exotic appearance. The neckline plunged perilously deep, something Sabine couldn’t seem to keep her eyes away from at the moment. _She is a miracle of the Force itself._

Shan’s head suddenly shifted upward and Sabine's gaze darted away, wincing at the inappropriate thoughts. When nothing was said, she dragged herself back and then sucked in a giddy breath.

Entranced eyes were roving over Sabine’s body. Then, they jumped to her face with shock, as if realizing what they were doing.

Heady pleasure rolled across Sabine and she raised an inviting eyebrow. “We should really get out of these clothes, huh?” _Not bad, Wren. See? You can be smooth._

Shan’s mouth parted, but nothing came out.

Stepping a bit closer, Sabine reached a hand toward the woman. Then, she faltered, heat rushing through her entire being. “Sorry, uh, you have a piece of dirt, probably from the floor. Right there.” She pointed to the vee of the neckline. _You're losing it. Bring it back!_

Looking down, Shan picked it off and then asked slyly, “Is that what you’ve been staring at?”

Caught off guard, she sputtered, “No! Yes! I wasn’t—um, shouldn’t we go get ready now?” _Gah! Ok, smooth is so not you._

The childlike grin of pleasure Sabine adored formed on the bewitching face. “I guess we should. Do lead on, my incredible rebel.”

Sabine’s entire being seemed to be floating further skyward with each passing moment and she smiled vacantly back. “Your wish is my command.” _You are so much more than adorable._

_______

 _Stay focused._ Sabine was on the other side of the table, looking stunning in a form-fitting, amethyst jumpsuit, and it was concerningly distracting. Shan had spent the entire strategy session switching between the table and Ahsoka, avoiding even looking in the Mandalorian’s direction.

After the sparring match, Shan had finally realized how much trouble she was actually in. She apparently couldn’t be anywhere near Sabine without losing it. _How am I going to complete the mission in this state?_

Her duty as a warrior was everything, all she could ever rely on. Now, the uncontrollable emotions were starting to seriously impair it. But, Shan didn’t want them to stop, either. _I’ve been floating along in some kind of wonderfully intoxicated dreamworld. Now, I have no idea how to re-enter reality._

Very rarely had she ever been so immediately attracted by someone. And, never had the person shown any sign of returning the feeling. If they had, Shan would have apparently turned into a wobbling, distracted mess. _What a surprise._

Then again, she couldn’t recall being this overwhelmingly attracted to anyone at all. _That's even worse. What happens when this is over and I have to leave?_ The thought made her chest constrict with piercing levels of pain. _Oh no. I think I’m close to being totally screwed._ _FOCUS._

“What if we set off a device here and here? We can time them two minutes apart. So, right when they are running for one, the other happens. It will create tons of confusion.” Sabine’s dexterous fingers roved over the schematics with precision.

A mental image of them running along Shan’s body appeared unbidden. _Almighty Force, even her fingers are distracting._ Taking a steadying breath, Shan looked directly at Ahsoka with intense concentration.

“Who can handle the detonation, if needed? You’ll be with us,” Ahsoka asked, glancing up. Her eye caught Shan’s, evidently noticing the fixed stare, but the woman didn’t comment.

“It’s a pretty simple device. I’ll make it an easy trigger switch and verify the set-up, before we infiltrate. That said, maybe Ortega or Raffie? On the off-chance something goes wrong, they can troubleshoot and adapt well.”

“Excellent,” Ahsoka replied with a nod. “Shan and I will enter here and secure the passageway. You meet us at this juncture and we’ll move together to the document processing center. In the event something goes wrong, the backup team inserts here. Between them and your devices, the security forces won’t know where to concentrate. Hopefully, that will give us an easy and quick exit.”

“How will they know something goes wrong?” Shan asked. “Do you use a communication system or is it based on timing?”

Ahsoka opened her mouth to answer, but Sabine preempted her. “Both. In this case, though, there is no way to relay or signal. So, we’ll have to rely on timing.”

Still maintaining an unwavering gaze on Ahsoka, Shan remarked, “Hmm… we’ll need to be very accurate on our projections, then.”

“We know how to do our job,” Sabine snapped.

Startled by the tone, Shan finally looked at her. The young woman’s face held annoyance and something else that was difficult to read. “I’m sure you do. I was just pointing out the challenge.”

“Well, that’s helpful. Tell us something we don’t know.” The strange expression was getting stronger.

“Fine,” Shan retorted, “I’ll just stand here quietly and pretend I don’t exist.”

A mouth opened to respond, when Ahsoka threw up a hand. “Enough.” She fixed each of them with a stern glare. “This is not a productive conversation.”

Dropping her gaze to the ground, blood rushed into Shan’s face. _What is wrong with you?_

“Now,” Ahsoka continued evenly, “let’s talk about the timing.”

“Um, I’ve worked up a ranged estimate of how long it will take me to access the lockbox.” Sabine’s voice sounded hesitant and out of focus. “I guess—well, we can, uh, extrapolate from there.”

Dragging her head back up, Shan’s heart compressed. Sabine was gazing at her, distress etched into the beautiful face. Giving a tentative smile, Shan met the regretful eyes. _It’s ok. Please, don’t be upset_.

Sabine’s expression cleared and a happy grin formed. “Ok, let’s see what we can figure out.” She started to lay out the potential timelines.

This time, Shan’s eyes never left her. _Oh, I am definitely screwed. And, I don’t even care._

_______

 _This is ridiculous._ Ahsoka watched the two women interact with irritation. _You are not love-sick teenagers. You’re experienced soldiers about to infiltrate a highly secure area in a potentially life-threatening situation. Get it together._

Trying to calm the rising exasperation, she closed her eyes. She had spent the last four days watching them alternate between gazing into each other’s eyes or awkwardly avoid doing so. This meeting was the last straw and Ahsoka felt herself going over the edge.

Apparently noticing the problem, Shan had decided to physically keep herself from being distracted, resulting in Sabine slowly losing it. _Was I ever this bad? Please, tell me I wasn’t. Maybe you were. You’ve forgotten what it’s like to be young and foolish, I guess._

It didn't help that both women repressed their impulsive, visceral natures. When emotional investment actually happened, the resulting intensity was extreme. _Ye Gods, they're like tiny tornadoes spinning around each other._

She was unsure whether to even attempt to address it. Drawing attention could make it even worse. _Leave it alone. They’ll come through when it matters. If they don’t, you’ll be there to fix it, I suppose._

Ahsoka sighed and re-opened her eyes to find her absence hadn’t even been noticed. She had to hold back a laugh. _I am now the adult in the room. Lovely. Force, I’m old._

_______

Sabine watched Shan glide stealthily down the corridor. _She is so… something._ No descriptor seemed adequate anymore. It wasn’t just the skill, which was considerable. It was the way her entire body seemed to gracefully twist and gyrate as she moved. Sabine’s stomach hammered into her chest, skin tingling with disconcerting intensity. The feeling was incredible and terrible at the same time.

_I am in serious trouble and I have no idea what to do about it. Actually, I'd rather not do anything about it. Well, technically, what I'd like to do is pull her into my arms and never let go. If it doesn't involve that, I'm so not interested. Does that count as doing something about it?_

Grinning to herself, she crept after the woman, flipping into the processing center with an extra flourish and rolling up as impressively as possible. _What was that, ladykiller?_ Then, she saw Shan gazing at her with an appreciative smile. _Actually, maybe I should try that more often._

Ahsoka followed closely behind them, keeping watch at the door. “Ok, do your thing, Sabine.”

“Already on it.” The woman pulled out her tools and focused completely on the large lockbox near the back of the room. Making steady progress through the multiple locking mechanisms, she asked, “Time?”

“Seven minutes,” Shan answered, watching her work in apparent fascination.

The idea was incredibly distracting and Sabine had difficulty getting back into her rhythm. Finally, the last lock was disabled. She stood and motioned Shan back. “Move away. I’m going to open it. There could be a defense mechanism.”

The woman complied, but asked worriedly, “What about you?”

Sabine winked as she slid her helmet on. “That’s what armor is for, my adorable lieutenant.”

Shan flushed and replied softly, “And, here I thought it was just so you could look amazing in it.”

Intoxicating happiness swirled as a stupid grin formed under her helmet. Still gazing at Shan, she absently flipped open the box, before setting her disarming tool.

The shuddering blast was the last thing Sabine remembered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was one of my favorites to write. If you’ve read any of my other writing, you know I love fluff, ha. But, really I wanted to see if I could convincingly take two people (one of which we don’t have a lot of experience with) from 0 to 100 in a few scenes. Typically, I prefer a slow burn romance so this was something new for me. The initial strong attraction in the previous chapter is meant to set up a deepening connection here. Given the natural resistance both have to forming emotional bonds, attraction wasn’t all that was needed. 
> 
> Anyhow, my goal was trying to progress them from initial teenage crush to, perhaps, something a little more. Though, the obsessive piece is clearly still on display. It’s hard to differentiate between how much is physical attraction vs. true emotional connection. I guess we’ll see! Oh, and don’t think I didn’t love the irony of a frustrated Ahsoka watching this all go down.


	4. Conflicting Impulses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sabine struggles with accepting what could be, while Shan fluctuates between joy and madness.  
> In other news, Ahsoka plays the part of the supportive mother and Ezra turns out to be an amazingly sage brother.

Ahsoka cursed, picking herself up off the floor. Acrid smoke billowed from the lockbox next to an unmoving Sabine. _This is my fault._

Scrambling to the injured woman, she checked vital signs under the blackened armor, exhaling in relief. It had taken most of the damage. The girl had been knocked out by the concussive blast, but her pulse was strong.

“Oh Gods.” Shan had risen to her feet and was staring in horror at the unconscious woman. “I distracted her. It’s my fault.” Lip trembling, she stuttered, “Is—is s-she…”

“She’s injured, but alive,” Ahsoka responded as she swiftly assessed options. _There’s only one choice._

The young woman continued to look blankly at Sabine. “I wasn’t focused.”

“Get it together, Shan. Now.”

The authoritative tone seemed to jerk the soldier out of her daze. Turning to the lockbox, Shan ripped off the now-blackened protective seal and started rifling through it. “Get Sabine out. I’ll find the objective and follow shortly.”

Scooping the injured girl up, Ahsoka said, “Absolutely not. We leave together immediately.”

“No! I have to complete the mission.” The woman’s voice was starting to sound panicked as her fingers moved through parchments.

“There’s no time. There are hundreds of documents and the explosion will have alerted the base.”

The frantic searching continued unabated.

Ahsoka growled, “You will follow orders this time, Lieutenant. We leave now.”

Giving a frustrated cry, the woman jumped up, stuffing as many documents as she could manage into her satchel.

Taking off out the door, Ahsoka glanced back to ensure Shan was truly behind her. “The distractions commence in one minute. If we encounter resistance, cover the rear. And, if it’s the difference between your life and that bag, you drop it. Got it?”

There was no reply as they ran down the corridor.

“Get this straight, Lieutenant. I’m not your supportive friend Ahsoka right now. I’m your _commander._ And, your commander needs complete obedience to get us all out of here alive. Do you understand me?”

“Yes, ma’am,” was the resigned response.

Pausing at a corner to scan the area, Ahsoka met the distressed eyes. “Remember, a mistake can be remedied. Dying is permanent. If you sacrifice yourself or Sabine, it neither completes the mission nor satisfies your duty as a warrior.”

The eyes closed for a moment and there was a deep breath. They reopened with determination. “I understand, Commander.”

_______

Shan ran gentle fingers over the bandaged head. Despite the healer assuring them of a complete recovery, she felt only pain at seeing the injured figure lying weakly in the bed. _All I care about is you._ Everything she’d feared had come to pass. The uncontrollable feelings had interfered with her duty. Still, nothing seemed to matter except Sabine and the guilt was suffocating. “I'm so sorry.”

There was an unexpected mumble. “Not… fault.”

Jolting in surprise, she leaned closer. “Sabine? Are you awake?”

Eyelids flickered on the swollen face, but couldn't seem to open. A shaking hand lifted toward her. There was a soft cry of frustration as it dropped back onto the blanket.

“Hey, it’s ok.” Taking the woman’s hand, she added, “Please, don’t be upset.”

“You… don't.” The voice seem to strain with effort and there was a long pause, before a more solid response came. “Don’t be either.”

The piercing guilt started to meld with buzzing pleasure at the words and the feel of the slender hand in hers. “Alright,” she replied softly, “for you I’ll try.”

“G-good.” Sabine’s hand attempted to tighten around her own, but the grip was barely noticeable.

Shan suddenly realized her fingers were stroking the ones she was holding. Her first instinct was to keep doing it. The second was to stop herself. The third… raising them, she pressed gentle lips against the knuckles. “Don’t worry. You're going to be fine.”

An almost imperceptible smile formed at the edges of Sabine’s mouth. “Only if… keep doing that.”

A light-headed happiness swam through what felt like Shan’s very existence. She brushed the delicate fingers over her mouth again, this time lingering on each one.

They loosened and flexed forward, resting on Shan's lips with an accompanying happy murmur.

She kissed the fingertips tenderly and whispered, “When you're better, I'll do more than that.”

Now, the smile was definitely visible. “So happen-ning.” Then, the hand went limp as Sabine lapsed back into unconsciousness.

_______

“Wait.”

Trying to dampen the stinging emotions, Shan turned back around. _Ahsoka respects you. Don’t ruin it._ She just wanted to make it out the door without breaking down.

Ahsoka opened her arms. “Come here.”

Conflicting emotions fought for control, until a desperate desire for comfort overrode it all and Shan wrapped herself into the supportive embrace.

A soft voice said, “Don’t worry, Rie. Everything will be alright.”

Shan wasn’t sure if it was the confident words, being held so tightly, or the sound of her childhood name, but tears began spilling out. Feeling ashamed, she rasped out, “Sorry, I’m being childish. I wish I wasn’t so—”

“Don’t even think about finishing that sentence,” Ahsoka interrupted. “You are incredibly special.” Gentle lips kissed her forehead. “Exactly the way you are.”

Overpowering joy pierced her heart. Feeling incapable of a response, Shan simply sagged into the woman’s chest and let it fill her.

The arms tightened. “I know things haven’t been easy. You’ve been alone a long time, but that’s not true anymore.”

Leaning back, the young woman gazed at Ahsoka with wary hope. “It-it’s not?”

Fierce blue eyes locked on hers. “It'll never be true again. No matter what happens, you will always have me. Understand?”

Trying to process the unusual sparkling happiness spreading through her, Shan could only manage a nod.

Ahsoka smiled and brushed a strand of hair from her face. “Good. I care about you very much, my gifted girl.” She pulled Shan back against her chest. “So, don't you forget it.”

Hot tears seared Shan’s cheeks once more and the ever-present loneliness seemed to lose some of its bite. _Someone cares about me._ A surge of confidence suffused her soul. _It won’t win. I’m not alone._

_______

Sabine slowly opened pulsating eyes and then groaned as light shot through her aching head.

“About time, my impulsive girl. You'd think all I do is wait around for my wayward charges to recover.”

Grinning, she looked at Ahsoka, trying to steady her vision. “Well, I am pretty high maintenance.”

There was a snort. “Don't make a habit of it.”

Glancing around gingerly, Sabine asked, “Where's Shan?”

Ahsoka sighed. “I had a bet with myself on whether that would be the first or second sentence out of your mouth. Guess, I win.”

The girl replied in annoyance, “Does that mean you're not going to answer my question?”

“She's gone, my dear. I'm sorry.”

Sabine stared in confusion. “What do you mean gone?”

“Shan had to report back to Chandrila. There was a mission. It's now completed. It was time for her to go home.”

Crushing disappointment thudded against her heart. “Oh.” _You knew this was going to happen. She's a warrior with a kingdom to serve, a life to live, people to protect._ Tears welled up, but she pushed them back desperately. _This is stupid. You practically just met!_

Ahsoka placed a comforting hand on her cheek. “She was quite upset about leaving, especially since you hadn't fully recovered. But, this morning, we found the objective in the documents she grabbed during our escape. There was really no other choice at that point.”

_This morning. You couldn't have woken up a few hours earlier?!_ Even if she had, what good would it have done? Shan still would have left. _At least, I could have said goodbye._ Trying to steel her emotions, she said, “I understand.”

“Sabine,” Ahsoka said with concern, “Chandrila is not the end of the world. You can always visit her. I'll give you some leave, if you want, once you're fully healed.”

Brief excitement flared at the idea, until reality set in. She looked up at Ahsoka sadly. “I shouldn't. It’s not like it could go anywhere.”

There was a bemused head shake. “You know, that’s not a requirement. Some people have relationships for fun.” Ahsoka paused and then added thoughtfully, “Actually, maybe that's not for either of you.”

Sabine gave a dejected shrug. “I just know she's too… I can't focus on anything. She's all I've thought about for days. I literally can't function.”

The woman chuckled. “You don't say? I never would have noticed.”

Sabine tried to glare, but couldn't hold it as a few tears slipped through. “Now, I'm crying over a woman I just met. There's something wrong with me.”

Ahsoka leaned over and kissed her forehead. “There's nothing wrong with you, my incredible girl. It's a bit intoxicating when you meet someone that makes you feel… well, how you feel. If they feel the same way, it can be overwhelming. I'm more surprised it hasn't happened to you both before. It might feel interminable at the moment, but it will pass.”

“What if it doesn't?” she asked with sudden panic. _What if I need her to be happy?_

“Ah, then that is something different altogether.” Ahsoka seemed to contemplate for a moment, before asking, “Do you want my advice?”

Sabine tried a weak grin. “Will I like it?”

There was a snort. “Wait it out. Be miserable for a bit and then try to move on. In a few months, if you're still unhappy, if no one else comes close to Shan, and if you accept the risks of building a relationship out of two different worlds, then…” Ahsoka grinned engagingly. “Go make her an offer she can't refuse.”

Feeling somewhat comforted at having guidelines, Sabine nodded. “Alright, I’ll see how it goes.”

Ahsoka hesitated and then said, “One more thing. It may not seem like it, but Shan is—well, she feels things more deeply than most people. So, if you decide to give it a try, be sure you’re serious about it.”

Sabine gazed at her in confused distress. “You think—I would never hurt her.”

A hand cupped her chin. “Sorry, that’s not what I meant. I’m saying you have to commit to the effort. Doing it halfway won't work for long and you both may end up hurt. Does that make sense?”

Struggling to unpack the words, she asked, “How would I do it halfway?”

A reluctant expression formed and Ahsoka’s eyes floated away. Refocusing with a sigh, she said, “You have trouble trusting people with yourself, Sabine. Deciding what you want is only half of the equation. Building a relationship also requires giving something of you to the effort. It's a risk we all take for happiness. If you don't want to share you, you’ll hit a wall.”

Anxiety surged at the idea. _I'm not sure I can handle it._

The grip on her chin tightened. “I was worried saying that might scare you and I can see it has. You _can_ do it, though. I also think you would make each other very happy. So, don’t dismiss the idea because of that, ok?”

Her emotions fluctuated between confidence and terror. Attempting to keep her voice even, Sabine replied, “I'll try.”

Ahsoka brushed another kiss across her forehead. “Good.”

_______

Shan stared into the moonless night. Even the stars seemed to have lost their luster, hanging dimly in black sky. _This is stupid. It's been months and you're still pining over a girl you knew for a week_. _She’s clearly forgotten about you. Yet, here you stand, gazing sadly out a window. Why do you always have to feel too much?_

Leaning against the wall of her quarters, she closed miserable eyes, trying to banish the image of Sabine’s grinning face. It was pointless. _I don’t even know why I try._ The memory of running the delicate fingers across her lips came again. _Stop it!_

Dragging herself away from the window, Shan slumped into an armchair next to the fireplace and watched the flickering flames illuminate the darkness. _I should try to sleep._ She didn’t move.

_Maybe, she was hurt that you left without saying goodbye? Or, maybe she didn’t realize you were serious? You could ask for leave. It might take longer than you have to find her, though._

Even if Sabine was interested, Shan knew a relationship would be complicated. They had different lives. _What does that leave? One night? No. I want more. I don’t care if it’s difficult. What if she doesn’t? Then, where would you be? Gazing out a window for the rest of your life?_

These were familiar thoughts. Shan had circled them many times. They led nowhere.

_______

“You found her, didn’t you?”

Sabine jerked out of her dazed stupor. “Um, sorry, what?”

Ezra rolled his eyes. “You’re sitting alone, looking miserable as you stare into a dying fire—not an uncommon event in the last few months. Though, I think the real kicker is that you literally just used the word ‘sorry’ in a sentence. You’ve totally met the woman of your dreams. I know it.”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” she said flatly and returned her gaze to the waning embers.

There was an exhale as he sat down on the arm of her chair. “Sabine. You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to. But, you’re unhappy and it shouldn’t be that way. Let me try to help, please?”

Sabine instinctively leaned against his arm with a tired sigh. “Thanks for the thought. I don’t think there’s much you can do, though. It’s a matter of knowing something is doomed to fail, but wanting to do it anyway.”

A strong arm wrapped around her. “Come on, nothing is doomed to fail. If there is anything we know in this family, it’s that.”

She chuckled. “I suppose you’re right. Maybe, I’m not sure if I can handle it either way.” _I can’t believe I just said that out loud._ She expected a dismissive or joking reply, but there was only silence for several moments.

Finally, Ezra said, “Well, I don’t think there is anything you can’t handle. But, what I think isn’t important is it? You have to believe it, too.”

Raising surprised eyebrows, she shrugged. “Maybe.” She paused and then rushed out, “I guess past events have made me a little worried about trying.”

“Makes sense.” He pulled her closer. “Caleb once told me that you never know what you can do until you try. But, trying was pointless if you didn’t have faith in succeeding. So, you’d need to believe you could do it.”

“Well, doesn’t that mean I shouldn’t try at all?” she asked dryly.

“Nope. I would say it means you should have faith in yourself,” Ezra answered lightly. “Anyway, he said if you have determination and faith, you almost never fail—though it might not be easy or quick. Even if you do it’s ok, because what matters is finding out. Otherwise, you’ll never know who you’re meant to be and you’re missing out on your life.”

Sabine lifted her head to look at him and a small grin formed. “Huh. Caleb is weirdly deep, sometimes. Of course, that _is_ the most Barriss-like thing I’ve ever heard.”

He laughed. “Probably did come from her. For all we know, she got it from Luminara. In any case, it’s now ours to pass on. That’s the great thing about having family. I learn stuff all the time. For example, there’s this amazing girl who’s like the sister I never had. She taught me that even when it hurts, I should never give up the fight.”

Warmth filled her heart and Sabine smiled at him. “Well, that’s one wise woman.”

A jaunty grin flashed. “I’ll introduce you, once she takes her own advice.” Ezra met her eyes. “I know you’ve been hurt by people you’ve trusted and that makes it hard. But, you’ve already taken the leap, you know. You have a family again. So, it isn’t always a bad thing, right?”

Ahsoka's advice floated through her mind. _Decide what you want and commit to the effort._ She actually had already done that in some ways. _I can handle a family. Maybe, I can handle this too? Huh._ She gripped the hand on her shoulder. “I love you, Ezra.”

His eyes widened and then misted slightly. “I love you too and that’s why I don’t want you to miss your chance. You have people to support you, no matter the outcome. We’ll never let you down. I promise. Besides,” he continued with a mischievous smile, “if this girl likes you despite your total lack of ladykilling skills, she is so the woman of your dreams. Don’t let that one get away!”

Letting out a choked laugh, she relaxed against his chest. “I’ll think about it, kid.”

Ezra grinned and kissed the top of her head. “Good. Plus, I’m never giving up the woman of your dreams watch. This is may be your only chance to proclaim victory.”

Sabine snorted. “You should have led with that argument. Because, now, I’m _definitely_ considering it.”

_______

Shan vacantly watched the inflamed edges of the burning ashes disintegrate inside their enclosed home. Something about the beautiful, destructive chaos being temporarily tamed had always calmed her. _Not tonight._

She closed frustrated eyes. Even fire brought no enjoyment anymore. _Like everything else._ Shan began mumbling to herself. “What is wrong with me?”

“Absolutely nothing. You're adorably perfect,” an impish voice declared.

Leaping from the chair, Shan scanned her small quarters frantically. Until, she spotted a grinning Sabine crouched in the window, firelight bouncing off her skin like burning shards of glass.

Shan's entire body seemed to shut down and she stood in mesmerized shock. _This can’t be real. Maybe, I’m asleep?_

“Sorry for the unconventional entry,” the woman said with an anxious smile. “I wanted to surprise you and it's amazingly difficult to gain entry to this castle. Guess that means you're doing a good job. I’m glad I didn’t wake you. You’re up late, huh?”

Still not quite processing what she was seeing, Shan continued to stare. _It's really her. In my window. I think._

Sabine hesitated and then asked, “Um, so can I come in?”

Snapping out of her daze, Shan nodded vigorously and managed to say, “Hi.”

The bright grin returned as Sabine hopped down from the ledge. “Hi back. I missed you.”

Gulping multiple times, she stuttered, “Y-you did?”

“Yep,” the woman answered, edging closer, “almost every—ok, actually every single day.”

Chest thumping in erratic bursts, Shan opened her mouth to respond, but nothing happened. _Gah! Say something, anything!_ Pushing harder, she tried to say ‘me too’ and ended up with, “mayey t-t-uhoo.”

Sabine raised eyebrows as she halted directly in front of her. “I have no idea what that means, but I'm going to assume it's good. Which is why I'm now going to do this.” Lifting a hand, she ran hesitant fingers over Shan's cheek. “If you want me to stop—”

“No!” _Finally._ It sounded throaty and raw, but it was something.

There was a happy smile. “And, what about this?” Soft lips brushed over her forehead and then Sabine leaned back to gauge the reaction.

_Don’t stop._ She tried to say it, but nothing happened.

Delicate fingers moved to Shan's lips, massaging them tenderly. “Gods, they are even more amazing than I remember.” Sabine’s expression morphed into amazement. “How does that happen?”

_I must be dreaming. I don’t care._ Focusing on the deep, entrancing eyes, currently gazing at her with a hint of nervousness, Shan gave up even trying to talk. She lifted shaking hands to Sabine's face and pulled their mouths together.

The sudden action took a second for the other woman to process, but soon there was a responding intensity. Hungry lips moved over Shan's own as strong hands wrapped around her neck, fingers pressing hard into tensed muscle.

_This can't be real. Oh please, let this be real._ She dug her mouth deeper into Sabine’s, longing filling every part of her. Their arms soon stretched completely around each other as bodies melded together.

Shan maintained a clinging hold, afraid to let go and find herself alone again. She could feel the thudding of a heartbeat and small shivers running over the other woman. Her own body was trembling and Shan pressed it even more tightly into the embrace.

Massaging fingers rubbed across Shan’s back through the thin sleeping top and then began to flatten and curve around her waist. Their bodies were locked so closely together, the thumbs had to squeeze and wiggle between them. The probing fingers slid upward and stroked along both sides of her chest, working their way inward. _Oh Force._

The resulting shocks of emotion were too powerful to process. Shan’s muscles weakened, arms losing their grip and legs wobbling. She involuntarily let go and they broke apart, both gasping for breath.

Desperately hoping reality was still standing in front of her, Shan whispered hoarsely, “Are you really here? Or, am I dreaming?”

Burning sienna eyes anchored to hers. “I am so here. I promise.”

_This is real._ Shan began rambling words, “I didn’t know—I thought I was imagining how you felt, because I wanted you too much. Then, I thought you had forgotten about me. I—”

Sabine gripped the sides of her face and warm lips ran from Shan's forehead down to her chin, brushing everything in their path. “So not happening. I did try for a while. I wasn’t sure if we could… well, if it would be wise. In the end, though, nothing else mattered. All I think about is you.”

_Oh, I am way beyond screwed._ Shan knew with certainty that she would willingly fall into Sabine’s arms, no matter the consequences. Trying to maintain some semblance of reason, she rushed out, “Are you—is this only for—I don’t think I can take—” Shan sucked in a calming breath and asked simply, “What do you want?”

Sabine leaned back, eyes blazing. “I want you. For as long as you want me. Hopefully, that’s a long time.” Fingers rubbed her cheeks as the voice broke into a strained whisper, “Please, let’s try. I know we can do it.”

Happy amazement overloading her senses, Shan breathed, “This is too perfect to be real. I think I've just gone over the edge.”

There was a relieved exhale and then a devilish smile formed. “Well, I could prove it to you, I suppose. Someone did promise me if I got better it would be worth my while.”

Draping arms over the woman’s shoulders, she planted a teasing kiss on her nose. “Did I say that?” A childish grin spread across Shan's face. “Hmm… maybe, you should remind me.”

“Now, that is exactly what I was thinking, my gifted, adorable lieutenant.” A thumb stroked Shan’s bottom lip. “In fact, you might say I’m _extremely_ invested in doing so.” An intense mouth shot forward and attacked hers as arms slid around her body once more.

Wrapping herself into the embrace, Shan started enjoying an incredible reality where she could finally overdo it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright! Looks like we've gotten these two somewhere! Well, for the moment. I mean, it's not like we've dealt with all of their many issues. There are several chapters to go. Ok, don’t get too worried. This is a *mostly* happy story. Don't expect tragedy, anyway. Another departure for me! So, go back to being happy! Yay!
> 
> When thinking about how to get them from point A to point B, Ahsoka and Ezra seemed like obvious choices as support/advisors. Ezra has always been a compassionate, intelligent kid. Given he's now 22 in this timeline, we've got a more mature Ezra really making an effort. He's still got the childish streak, but also some wisdom, much like his progression in Rebels. In this world, he's had multiple adult role models, as well.
> 
> This Ahsoka is, of course, the one from the end of WIAB [This chapter’s time period would place us around Chapter 53.] The wise master-level parental figure to many of our group, but still core Ahsoka. So, she was a natural choice to give each woman exactly what they needed at that moment. Leaving them open to moving forward and/or a push from someone else.


	5. Older and Wiser

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A long-distance relationship with a lot of secrets is challenging. Balancing commitments is even harder. Barriss and Hera decide to stem the bleeding and an old friend returns to the scene.

Hera glanced over at Sabine, clear concern in her eyes. “How long will this mission run?”

“Unknown, but three weeks minimum.” Barriss noted the dejection that had appeared on the Mandalorian’s face at the answer.

Caleb, who was also looking at the young woman nervously, said, “Uh, Sabine is supposed to be on leave starting tomorrow. Can we delay our departure?”

 _Ah. Plans with her. That explains it._ Considering briefly, Barriss shook her head. “I’m sorry. It’s time sensitive and fairly critical. I wouldn’t have asked Phoenix to take it on otherwise. I need the best, not to mention people I can trust completely.” She gauged Sabine’s reaction.

The girl’s expression morphed into what looked like despair, but the emotion abruptly disappeared as the face hardened. “When do we leave?”

“In the morning,” Barriss replied gratefully. Immediate guilt followed the relief. _There is something deeper and you’re ignoring it._

“We can do it without Sabine.” Hera’s expression was determined. Whatever was going on, she clearly had no intention of letting it happen.

“No,” Sabine said quickly, “it’ll be fine.” Twisting her head toward Hera, she flashed a strained smile.

Barriss’ heart clenched. The movement had given her a direct view of the young woman’s eyes. The usual brightness was nonexistent. They were dull, almost hopeless. _She’s in pain._ Her throat tightened with sudden horror. _I’m hurting her for the greater good._

“Alright,” Caleb replied uncertainly, “if you’re sure.”

Sabine pasted a bright grin on her face. “Of course! You all worry too much. I can take leave some other time.”

Hera maintained a worried gaze, obviously unconvinced.

 _Do something._ Barriss stood up from her desk. “Can I talk to Sabine alone for a moment?”

The girl jerked, but didn’t respond. Hera and Caleb glanced at each other and then nodded, quickly exiting the room.

“Well, what is it?” Sabine asked flatly.

Barriss stared at her impassively and waited.

The young woman’s head swiveled around the room in apparent nonchalance. A few moments passed and it snuck a glance back at Barriss. Seeing no change, it dropped to the ground. The small body shifted to one foot and back again. After more awkward silence, Sabine blurted out, “What do you want from me? I’m going on the mission like you needed.”

She stayed silent, still waiting her out.

The young woman’s face tinged with hot anger. “This is ridiculous. What do you want me to say? That I’d rather stay here? That I’ve had leave planned for two months—leave you are abruptly cancelling? That it might cause me to lose something important? That I’m—that it’s all… killing me…” The final words were almost inaudible as the anger drained and the tears came.

Barriss swiftly moved from behind the desk, placing gentle hands on Sabine’s shoulders. “Yes, that’s exactly what I wanted you to say.”

A tearful face gazed back at her.   

“Why didn’t you tell me all of this in the first place?” Barriss asked.

“You said you needed me. And, I don’t want to let everyone down. There was no point.”

“No,” she replied firmly, “I said I needed Phoenix. That would typically include you, true, but that doesn’t mean I couldn’t make adjustments. Sometimes that’s possible and sometimes it’s not. However, I won’t even attempt it, if I don’t know there’s a problem. Communication is never pointless.”

Sabine’s expression fluctuated, a sliver of hope rising. “Oh.”

“As for the other part,” Barriss continued, “telling us how you’re feeling and when you need help is _not_ letting your family down. If we don’t know what’s going on, it forces us to let you down.”

The girl looked away with a grimace.

Barriss gripped her chin, turning the face back to hers. “Sabine, it’s important to balance the needs of yourself with the needs of others. You have to know when sacrifice is truly necessary and when to ask for help. It is not possible to be everything. Believe me, it leads to terrible consequences.” _Please, listen to me._

The young eyes tightened. Sabine slid arms around Barriss and laid a head on her shoulder. “I know. I’m working on it.”

“Good.” Barriss returned the embrace and felt the girl’s tensed muscles relaxing. “Now, talk to me. Tell me what’s going on and let's see what we can do.”

A quiet voice replied, “Yes, ma’am.”

_______

Sabine exited Barriss’ office with a stupidly happy grin.

“Thank the Force,” a relieved voice commented. Hera was leaning against a wall in the corridor, arms crossed over her stomach.

“What?”

There was an eye roll. “Don't be coy. You told Barriss and she fixed it, right?”

Unable to stop the grin from returning, Sabine answered, “Something like that.”

Hera straightened up and walked over, placing a hand on Sabine's shoulder. “Did she tell you to stop trying to do everything on your own? Or, just to be honest about what you're feeling?”

Averting her eyes, Sabine mumbled, “Um, maybe both.”

There was a snort. “Well, at least I know you'll listen to someone.”

“It's not that I don't—I guess I'm—oh, I don't really know what I am. But, I do listen to what you say. I promise. Actually, probably more than anyone else…” she trailed off, feeling awkward.

The hand on her shoulder tightened. “Well, that's something.” She paused and then added softly, “I only want you to be happy.”

For the third time today, Sabine felt tears threatening. “I know.”

“Good. Since we're on the topic, have you figured out a long term strategy yet? Getting out of one mission doesn't solve it.”

Mood crashing, Sabine shook her head. “You know I haven't.”

“No, I know you don't _want_ to do what needs to be done.”

Trying to keep her voice even, Sabine replied, “We've discussed this. It’s not a matter of wanting, it’s a matter of what _is._ It's too risky.”

Hera blew out a heavy breath. “Fine. It's your life.” Voice lightening, she said, “Though, you might not get away with it for much longer. If Ezra doesn't get details soon, he'll probably start spying from bushes like a nightstalker.”

Sabine chuckled. “Point taken.”

The woman’s eyes seemed to drift as she murmured, “Sacrifice is a part of life, especially ours. But, you have to know when it’s really needed.”

 _What do they want from me? I’m doing the best I can._ “I get it. You’ve said it enough, anyway.”

Suddenly refocusing, Hera said, “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to push. It’s just that this is only one situation, but there are going to be many more choices like it in your future. I want you to realize that you don’t have to sacrifice everything for the Rebellion or your family. That won’t make us or you happy. Balance is hard, but it’s important.”

Sabine tried a small smile. “I understand.”

“I hope you do.” Hera sighed, but then her face lit up. “What about a minor step forward? Something that will communicate stability, but not increase risk?”

“Like what?” she asked warily.

“A gift of some kind, perhaps? Something that symbolizes a small commitment?”

 _I can't. Can I?_ Still, the idea sparked a happy excitement in her heart. Attempting to remain objective, she said, “Maybe. I'll think about it.”

The woman gazed at her for a moment and then yanked Sabine into a hug. “Have faith, dear. It will work out. I promise.”

Sabine stiffened in surprise. Hera rarely showed demonstrative affection. Slowly, she raised her arms and wrapped them around the other woman.

Hera pulled her closer, not letting go.

 _Wow._ Sabine’s heart swelled with happiness and this time she couldn’t stop the tears.

_______

“Don’t worry. I’ll see what I can do, while you’re gone.”

Hera lost the grip on her saddle and dropped back to the ground mid-mount. A slow smile formed as she looked at Barriss. “Sometimes, I think you may have missed your calling as a Jedi.”

The woman quirked an eyebrow. “I don’t have to be a Jedi to understand the problem. Nor does one need mind-reading abilities to see how worried you are about it.”

“I’m not the only one who is worried,” Hera commented. “You can’t fool me, Barriss Offee.”

The impassive face turned into a wan smile. “Fine. We’re both worried. I just don’t want her to…”

“Be like us?” Hera finished the thought.

Barriss snorted. “Maybe. Balancing is difficult. Fortunately, we managed to find people who remind us to try every once in a while.”

“Very true.” She chuckled. “I suppose it’s time to return the favor.” Hera hesitated and then gave in to her curiosity. “Have you met this girl?”

“Yes. I found her… interesting.”

“Uh, is that good or bad?”

“Oh, definitely good,” Barriss replied, “I don’t find very many people interesting. Besides, Ahsoka and Leia are extremely fond of her. Actually, Leia considers her a friend and that should really tell you what you want to know.”

Hera’s eyes widened and then she murmured, “Yes, I suppose it does.”

“In any case, I would say Sabine isn’t the only one who would benefit from the endeavor.”

Nodding in agreement, Hera asked, “What’s your plan?”

She shrugged. “It depends. Maybe, nothing. The right opportunity has to present itself.”

Hera gave her a dubious look.

There was a small grin. “Alright, I have twelve potential strategies. Though, we both know what the ideal solution is. Unfortunately, I’m not sure Sabine will agree. We can only create opportunities. She has to take the leap of faith. Not just for this situation, but for the future.”

“I’ve already tried to convince her more than once,” Hera said, rubbing a tired hand over her forehead. “I thought she might listen to you.”

Barriss stared. “If you couldn’t convince her, I have no chance of doing so.”

Hera’s eyebrows shot up. “You’re not serious?”

Striding forward, the woman put a hand on her shoulder and piercing blue eyes met hers intently. “I’m not only serious, I’m absolutely correct. You have more influence over Sabine than anyone.”

She blinked several times and then a soft smile formed. “Thanks.”

Expression turning distant, Barriss said, “Perhaps, she needs someone more unexpected to communicate the message…” Refocusing, she added, “Anyway, don’t worry. Even if I can’t figure something out, we’ll work on it together when you get back.”

Hera took the hand from her shoulder and gripped it, feeling ten times lighter than five short minutes ago. “You better believe it.”

_______

Sabine caressed the face she still couldn't quite believe existed. _The face I get to touch. How did I manage this?_ “You are so beautiful.”

There was a sleepy smile as the slate-gray eyes opened. “That’s my line.”

“Nope,” she replied, “I need every potential descriptor to even come close to describing how adorably perfect you are.”

Shifting onto her side, Shan ran tender fingers over Sabine’s lips. “Mmm… well, as long as you never leave this bed, I’ll gladly accept any and all compliments.”

Remembering the news she had been avoiding, Sabine grimaced. “Right, um, about that.”

The exquisite face turned wary. “You promised, Sabine.”

“I know. Actually, I got out of a mission that would have cancelled my leave altogether. But, this one is a special circumstance.” She added with as much remorsefulness as possible, “I’m so sorry, Rie. It’s only for the day.” _Well, more like I won’t be back until the middle of the night, but I’ll tell you that part later._

Shan’s expression filled with frustration. “This always happens.”

Sabine winced. “I can’t help it. I’m needed for some kind of infiltration that no one else can do.” _Also, I can’t seem to figure out how to say no to my family. Barriss fixes it and I screw it up again. She and Hera are both going to take turns strangling me when they find out._

The gray eyes flickered, but then flattened. “A rebel is always on duty, I suppose.” The voice was resigned, but clearly upset.

Pressing their foreheads together, Sabine spoke softly, “Believe me, I’d much rather be here. It’s just hard to say no when people’s lives are at risk. Plus, the commander who asked is… well, she’s special.”

Pulling back, Shan raised her eyebrows. “Special how?”

Sabine frowned, unsure how to describe it without sharing too much. _This is killing me._ “Um, I don’t know. She’s one of the most impressive people I know and rarely needs my help, much less asks for it. This time she did. So, I want to be there for her.” _I have to be._

There was silence for a moment and then a voice that was a little too controlled said, “I see.” Shan rolled onto her back and looked at the ceiling.

 _What’s wrong now?_ “I know it’s frustrating that I have to go, but I promise I’ll be as fast as I can.” _It doesn’t mean I don’t love you. So much._

“I understand,” the woman replied evenly, “I’ll survive for a bit. Or, I can always head back to Chandrila. My leave ends in a few days, anyway.”

“Absolutely not.” Sabine sat up and leaned over her with rising panic. “I’ll be back tonight. Even if that wasn’t true, there is no way I’m giving up even an hour more of our time together.” An unwelcome thought invaded her mind. Voice choking, she continued, “Unless, you… want to go. I know it’s hard to deal with my erratic—”

“No.” Pensive eyes darted around. “I just don’t want you to feel like you have to come back. If this isn’t working, we can—”

Sabine stopped the words by pressing lips against the ones beneath her, deepening the kiss immediately. There was a responding intensity and relief flooded her mind. Breaking away, she traced fingers over the amazing mouth. “I know juggling our different worlds is challenging, but we _are_ making it work. I really am trying very hard to keep it that way. Because, I want to be with you so much.”

The body beneath her relaxed and a smile formed. “In that case, I’ll definitely be here when you get back.”

“Thank the Force.” Sabine let out a relieved exhale. “You scared me there for a second.”

Shan replied dryly, “Well, I’m not the one who has a _special_ commander.”

Understanding finally clicked. “Oh Gods. I didn’t realize how that sounded. No, she’s special because…” _Is it ok to say that? I think so._ “... we’re like family. Not because—ugh, I can’t even think about it.” _It’s like trying to imagine kissing your kid sister or something._

A snarky grin crept onto Shan’s face. “First, you make me think you have a super special commander on the side and then you act like she’s the most hideous person in existence _after_ I’ve already come around.”

“Hey! I did not! She’s very attractive, I’ll have you know.”

The woman raised amused eyebrows.

Sabine cringed. “I meant—oh, nevermind. I’m stopping now.”

There was a soft laugh as teasing fingers fluttered across her chin. “You are endearingly bad at this.”

Grinning devilishly, Sabine asked, “Is that why you’re still around?”

Hands wrapped around the back of her head, pulling it down to warm lips. As a mouth caressed every inch of Sabine's face, a throaty voice whispered, “Absolutely.”

_______

Shan vacantly placed her cup of half-consumed Chandrilan leaf tea on the table. _I’m so happy._ It scared her. Sabine was like a dream. And, dreams never lasted forever. _At least, mine don't._ Once again, she tried to remind herself of reality, only to fail miserably as the dream in full Mandalorian armor appeared.

 _Almighty Force, she is beautiful._ Smiling with childish delight, her eyes roamed over the lithe form. Upon reaching the bemused sienna eyes, she realized the woman was standing unmoving at the bottom of the steps.

Sabine remarked wryly, “Are you done? Or, shall I turn around for you, as well?”

“Yes, please,” she replied with a grin.

Sending eyes skyward, the woman strolled over to the table, dropping a kiss on Shan’s forehead. “You just wait until I get back. I’ll make sure you get the full viewing experience.”

“Hmm… promises, promises.” Still grinning, Shan asked, “So, when are you meeting your super special commander?”

“I don’t know, actually. She’s supposed to get me when they’re ready. I assume that means I should go to the default rendezvous this morning and wait. But, knowing her, she could show up at our doorstep!” As Sabine laughed, there was a soft double knock on their guest house door.

They both stared at each other.

Shan leapt from the chair with an impish smile. “I’ll get it.” _Maybe, I can see what this paragon actually looks like._

Sabine jumped after her with a cry of alarm. Catching up at the door, she locked strong arms from behind around Shan’s waist. “You are incorrigible, my adorable lieutenant.”

Laughing, she twisted her head around to kiss Sabine’s nose. “Shouldn’t you open it? Can’t have a super special rebel commander standing on our doorstep all day, can we?”

“Mmm…” Sabine pulled her tighter and tucked a head into the back of her neck, pressing warm lips against it. “I’m sure she’ll get over it.”  

A euphoric smile formed as the mouth moved across Shan’s skin, raising tingling goosebumps in its path.

“Besides,” an ardent voice whispered, “I wasn’t prepared to leave you just yet.” Hands slid under Shan’s chemise top, rubbing across her stomach, as massaging lips continued their journey down her neck.

Falling into the moment, Shan leaned back into the embrace and took in the intoxicating sensation. _I want to stay in your arms forever._

Abruptly, bliss ended as a much louder triple knock came from the door beside them.

Sabine laid her head against Shan’s with a dejected groan. “I’m so sorry. I promise I’ll make it up to you tonight.”

 _How long can this last?_ Trying not to show the painful ache that had replaced the momentary forgetting of reality, Shan put as much brightness in her voice as possible. “I know. It’s alright. Do what you need to do.”

Picking up and swinging her to the other side of the door, Sabine cracked it open.

A dry voice said, “Well, are you going to let me in? Or, make me stand out here until the Jedi return?”

Shan froze. _It can’t be._ Unable to stop herself, she stuck her head around the door. “Leia?”

A cloaked figure jumped and then pushed the door open, swiftly striding inside. Leia pulled back her hood and ran forward, wrapping Shan in a tight hug.

Sabine’s mouth dropped open as she absently closed the door behind them.

Grinning with surprised joy, Shan returned the embrace. _Leia is a rebel commander. Was she always?_ That would explain her association with Ahsoka. _Wait. She's also Sabine’s super special commander._ There was an immediate sense of relief. _Guess, I was more worried than I thought._

Leia released her with a quizzical expression. “What are you doing—” Glancing over at Sabine, realization dawning, she smiled with pleasure. “Ah. So, you’re Sabine’s top secret woman of her dreams. This trip is turning out even better than I thought.”

 _Woman of her dreams? Is that how she describes me? Mmm… I hope so._ Shan gave her friend a shrewd look. “You can’t fool me, Princess. Coming without warning to retrieve Sabine makes no sense. You just wanted to catch a glimpse of her mystery woman!”

A guilty grin flashed, quickly replaced by an innocent expression. “I don’t know what you mean. I was just trying to save her a trip into the city. Of course, seeing you more than rewards my good deed.”

“Um, hello,” Sabine interjected, “I’m still right here. Would someone like to tell me how you know each other?”

“Sorry, it’s classified,” Shan answered with a bit of snark. _I can have secrets too._

A small, happy smile formed on Leia’s face. “Rie is my friend.”

Shan gripped her hands. “I’m so excited to see you.” Then, a wave of sadness pushed the happiness aside. “But, you have to go now, don’t you?”

The girl winced. “Yes, I’m sorry. I’m also sorry for taking Sabine away in the middle of your leave. I know you don’t get much time together. If anyone else could have done it, I wouldn’t have interrupted.”

“It’s ok. I understand.” Fixing a smile, Shan tried to match her face with the words. “At least, I got to see you. It’s been a while.”

“I know,” Leia said, squeezing her hands one last time, “we’ll get together again before too long. I promise.” Turning to Sabine, she asked, “Ready?”

“Yeah,” Sabine responded, still looking a bit dazed at the turn of events. Shaking herself, she wrapped Shan in her arms. “I’ll see you soon.”

“You better.” An unwillingness to let go surfaced and she continued holding on to Sabine. After a few more moments, Shan forced herself to pull away. _Please, be careful. I love you._

Sabine gave her a quick kiss and then winked as she slid the brightly painted helmet over a grinning face.

Leia flashed another apologetic smile as she replaced her hood.

Folding arms around her chest, Shan watched despondently as they both walked out the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We'll explore more of the specific issues in the next chapter. However, it's important to remember at this point (post-chapter 53 in WIAB) there are a lot of secrets and danger surrounding our Rebellion family. Pairing that with Sabine's natural tendency toward less than forthcoming behavior and Shan's natural tendency to distance herself from eventual pain gives us a recipe for a lot of angst. Wonder what we could do about that?
> 
> Secondary note, I'm not sure I've ever had occasion to pair Barriss and Hera together in a story before and I was surprised how well it worked. Their single-minded, mission-focus is a nice common denominator for this part of the story. Too bad I've now sent Hera off on a mission for an extended period. But, don't worry. We'll get her back eventually.


	6. Family Planning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sabine, Shan, and Leia all formulate their own plans when unexpected events force them to examine what's most important.

“So, are you going to tell me how you know each other?”

Leia flipped her hood back as they entered the rebel compound. “It’s a bit of a long story.”

“Give me the highlights,” Sabine said, removing her helmet and falling in step beside her.

“After Alderaan, I stayed in Chandrila for a while. At one point, I was kidnapped and she risked everything to help me. We became friends.”

“Huh. You always find new ways to surprise me.”

An amused eyebrow raised. “Since me being kidnapped isn’t all that shocking, I assume you’re saying me having a friend is?”

Sabine chuckled. “Um, maybe?”

Leia grimaced. “That’s because I’m terrible at it. She kept me company while I was recovering, helped me figure out who I truly was, reminded me of happy things in the world…” Her eyes drifted away. “Rie is important to me. And, I haven’t made time to see her in months.”

She noted the use of Shan’s preferred given name with some surprise. _They really must be close._ “I’m sure she understands.” _Mostly._

“Understanding doesn’t make it better. But, you probably know that.” Leia fixed her with a sympathetic look that offered to listen.

She gave a tight nod, but didn’t respond.

An arm grabbed hers, halting Sabine mid-step. Concerned eyes gazed at her. “You think I can’t tell there’s something wrong? Talk to me. A very determined woman once spent a lot of time convincing me that family meant being there for each other. I hope she hasn’t forgotten.”

 _Talk about what you’re feeling, remember?_ Sabine sighed. “Ok, you win. There are so many things I don’t know how to fix. We rarely get time together. When we do, my rebel duties interrupt it. That’s difficult enough. But, I can’t even talk about my life. I'm afraid it's all going to be too much for her. When we first started out, it was intense and crazy. Logic and practicality didn’t seem to matter as much. Now…”

“Now, it’s serious,” Leia finished the thought.

“Yeah. When I think of my future, she’s always part of it. I just don’t know how to make it happen. I can’t not fight and my family is here. I have commitments and people who need me. I can’t ask her to sacrifice everything for me, either. We knew this was going to be hard. I guess I didn’t expect it to be quite like this, though.”

“Hmm… I think being unable to talk about your life, your family, and what’s important to you is the main issue, right? How can you build a long-term relationship otherwise?”

Sabine groaned. “I know. You should have heard me trying to explain you and why I had to go. She almost cancelled her leave and headed back to Chandrila!”

The young woman winced. “I’m sorry.” She continued thoughtfully, “Have you thought about bringing her home to… well, meet the family? That strikes me as the most effective solution.”

 _This is a conspiracy._ “Of course, but I don’t think it’s a good idea. She’s not part of the Rebellion. Being associated with us, knowing anything about us at all, is dangerous for her.” Sabine added with a wry smile, “Plus, in case you’ve forgotten, we have a lot of secrets. It’s not easy to bring someone new into that situation. It’s a lot to ask anyone to take on.”

“Do you love her?” The question was delivered with a calm simplicity. 

“Very much,” Sabine responded quietly. 

Leia raised a meaningful eyebrow and continued walking down the hallway. 

“Alright, point taken!” Sabine restarted her own forward movement. “I don’t know if she would even want to deal with it, though.”

“Ah.” Leia slipped a hand inside her arm as they walked. “You're right, our family's level of commitment is intense. The entire dynamic is unusual. It took me some time to adapt and I actually lived it everyday. Are you afraid she'll decide it’s not worth it?”

Sabine took an unsteady breath. “I don’t—I suppose so. The danger to her and everyone else will still exist once she knows, whether Rie wants to be a part of it or not. And, if she doesn't want to,” her voice broke painfully, “how can we move forward? What happens then?”

“Sabine Wren is afraid of risking the status quo?” Leia asked with some surprise.

Looking away, she admitted, “Ok, maybe. I suppose I don’t want to make the wrong choice. What if something happened to her or one of you because of it? What if I lose her? The way things are now lets us be together and keeps everyone safe.”

Fingers squeezed her arm. “That isn’t really being together, Sabine. The status quo doesn’t reflect reality. It can’t exist indefinitely. How can you plan a future that includes her if you don’t actually include her in your future?” 

 _I can’t. Great. Now, I feel even worse._ The painful realization pierced her heart. “That future may not be possible, I guess.”

Leia said softly, “You can't sacrifice your happiness for us.”

Giving a choked laugh, Sabine asked, “Are you sure you haven’t been talking to Hera and Barriss?”

Confused eyes looked back at her. “What do you mean?”

“Nevermind.”

The young woman sighed. “Only you can decide what's best. Remember though, it’s not only your life you’re sacrificing. You’re making decisions about her future, as well.”

 _Right again._ Tears started forming. _Please, stop trying to help me now._

“I’m only reminding you that the status quo has its own set of risks,” Leia said gently. “I don’t know if they are any better than the ones you are afraid of. People can handle quite a bit for those they love, if they are allowed to do so. You aren’t allowing any of us, Rie especially, to have that choice.” 

Sabine gazed at her, disbelief turning into horrifying acceptance. _Oh Gods. She’s right. But, what am I supposed to do? Put everyone in danger for something that might not even work out?_

As if sensing her thoughts, Leia locked their eyes. “I know what you both are capable of doing. If you’re both committed, it _will_ work out. I’m certain of it.”

A smile formed, despite the seeming hopelessness. The confident words had brought a small bit of comfort back. “Thanks.”

They arrived at the door to the briefing room and Leia tightened her grip, hesitating for a moment. “Since we know there are risks all around, maybe forget about them and just pick an option that moves you both forward? As Ahsoka would say, with faith anything is possible.”

She stared in astonishment. _Leia is saying this?_ Before this conversation, she had been the one person Sabine was sure would agree the risks were too high. “Um, ok. Once again, you find new ways to surprise me. Leia Organa is telling me to ignore practical considerations and follow my heart.”

There was an exaggerated eye roll. “Fine. You want practical? I'll spell it out. You claim your end goal is Shan, but you’re strategy doesn’t reflect that goal. Therefore, it’s ineffective and will only result in failure. If your objective truly is her, it’s time to change your approach. You can call that a leap of faith or taking a risk or whatever you like. I’d call it… winning.” The girl grinned.

Abruptly, everything came tumbling into focus. _I’ve been standing in the middle of a battlefield, because I’m too scared to move. I’m not sacrificing myself to win. I’m sacrificing myself, because I’m afraid of losing. And, eventually I’m going to get killed for no reason._ Sabine now understood what Hera and Barriss had been trying to tell her. Balance meant knowing when to retreat, attack, or call in reinforcements. It was understanding when sacrifice was needed—not standing still and accomplishing nothing.

A new sense of determination filled her. _I need a plan. When I get back, we’re going to move forward somehow. The gift and a commitment?_ Sabine refocused on Leia with a grateful smile. “You really are brilliant.” Smile widening, she added, “Though, I’m starting to strongly suspect you only pretend to be the rational one in the family.”

An offended eyebrow quirked. “No need to be insulting.”

_______ 

Lifting a surprised head from her book, Shan uncurled from the armchair. _Why is Sabine knocking? Did she forget the lock release?_ She made her way to the door with anticipation. It was two hours later than promised and anxiety had been rising. 

Opening it with a smile, she froze, stomach dropping. _No._

Leia slipped inside and closed it behind her. Pulling her hood back, she met Shan’s eyes hesitantly, but didn’t speak.

Heart thudding in her chest, she stuttered, “W-what’s going on? Where’s Sabine?” Her tone had an edge of panic, but she didn’t care.

The young woman’s face fluctuated, before turning impassive. “Sabine was captured. I’m sorry.”

Piercing fear shattering her heart, she clenched shaking fists. _No. Please no._ Trying to remain calm, Shan asked, “Is she still alive?” 

Leia walked unsteadily across the room, stopping at the back of a chair. “I think so. It was a trap. They clearly intended to capture, not kill us. I should have anticipated—” Her face hardened. “I made a mistake. Sabine paid for it.”

Shan drifted to the chair across from her and collapsed into it. Tears were threatening, but she refused to give in to them. “What are you doing about it?”

Delicate hands gripped the chair back so tightly the knuckles whitened. “We don’t know where she is being held, yet. We’re working on it.”

“You better be,” Shan replied forcefully.

Leia gazed at her in distress. “I don’t—I can only commit so many assets to one person who might not even be—” She shuddered. “I’m confident we can locate her. But, the ability to mount a rescue may be limited.” The voice was dejected, verging on resignation. Her entire body seemed to wither. 

 _She doesn't believe it's going to happen._ The girl who never gave up was giving up. That hurt. “Don’t you dare give up!” Shan snapped. “You don’t leave soldiers behind, _Commander._ I don’t care if you tear the whole rebellion down to do it.” She sucked in a breath, trying to sooth the rage.

The young woman cringed. “I’m sorry. I’m only being honest about our capabilities.”

“Fine. Tell me where she is and I'll get her back myself.”

“Rie, I’m not giving up. I promise I will do everything in my power to get her back. But, I don’t want to misrepresent the challenges to you. Please, don't expect miracles.” The response was delivered with an infuriating logic. 

Shan looked away, knowing she was right, but hating her for it. “You're asking me to be rational. That's never been possible for me when it comes to Sabine.” _Or anything else, really._

Moving around the chair, Leia slumped into it, chin propped on a tight fist. Nothing but the distant ring of a village clock intruded on the resulting silence.

Shan tried to order her thoughts. _What can I do?_ Her duty as a warrior of Chandrila meant she shouldn’t even involve herself at all. It was critical for the kingdom to appear loyal to the Emperor. _I don’t care. I will get her back. Even if I have to resign my commission._

 _I can’t rescue her on my own, though. Who can I ask for help? Maybe, Ahsoka?_ Leia’s assessment might reflect Ahsoka’s, though. A Rebellion leader surely wouldn’t cripple their larger mission to rescue one operative.

The few friends Shan had in Chandrila were fellow soldiers. _We aren't that close. I doubt they’d be willing to help._ Risking their careers and lives for someone unrelated to Chandrila was almost too much to ask of anyone. In any case, rescuing Sabine compromised her duty already. She couldn’t ask anyone else to do so. Chandrilan soldiers freeing a rebel would not go unnoticed by Coruscant.

 _I don’t have anyone. I’m alone. Oh Gods. I’m going to lose Sabine. No._ Her body revolted and began trembling. Burning tears blazed down her cheeks. _Please no. I knew one day I was going to lose you, but not like this. Please, not like this._

A pained voice said, “I don’t know what to say. I can't make it better.”

Biting out a short laugh, Shan said, “There is nothing else to say.” She wrapped arms around herself, trying to make the terrible fear and pain recede. “We took on the risks, when we made our choice. I suppose it may end up to be an unwise one.” 

There was another long silence and then Leia jumped from her seat. “No. I don’t believe that. We can't stop living or all of this is for nothing. This isn’t going to happen. I won't let it happen. There has to be a way. Think harder, Leia.”

Shan jerked her head up. “What?”

The young woman's face seemed to be frantically cycling and then her voice softened. “With faith anything is possible. Yes, that's it. I'll send for everyone.” Sudden determination shined from confident eyes. “We will get her back, somehow. Our family doesn’t abandon anyone.” 

Sabine's words echoed. _We're like family._ The girl had clearly been struggling for a solution the entire time, despite her outward demeanor. _I’m not alone._ Rising with a happy breath, Shan gripped her friend’s shoulders. “Let’s talk. Maybe, together, we can figure out a plan to save Sabine without compromising the Rebellion in the process.”

Leia’s face filled with resolve. “You better believe it.”

_______

The woman known as the Lady of the Rebellion re-read the message with rising fear. _No._ Jumping up, she flew out of her office at a full out run. Skidding into the bedroom, she grabbed an already packed travel bag and slung a bow over her chest.

Stopping only to scrawl out coded communiques and brief Nadine, Barriss Offee was galloping out the gates of rebel headquarters within thirty minutes.

_______

“This is not good,” Leia whispered.

“Tell me something I don't know,” Shan commented dryly as they backed away from the garrison wall. Once they were at a safe distance, she let out a small growl. “They've got a significant security perimeter.”

“It would take more rebels than I've got to make a dent. Even a distractionary force wouldn't do much.” Leia started pacing. “Plus, I want to give my people a choice. I can't order them to risk their lives in a suicide mission, especially a semi-personal one.”

“I guess that leaves infiltration,” Shan said thoughtfully. “It would only need a small team. We could do it ourselves, if necessary. But, we'd have no backup plan. It's all or nothing.” 

They looked at each other warily and fell silent.

Shan finally broke it. “Any response from Ahsoka or the others?”

Leia shook her head. “Ahsoka could be on a mission and out of contact. Phoenix Squadron is carrying out a heavily classified assignment apparently. I couldn't even get their location. I tried everyone else, as well, but haven't gotten anything.” She blew out a frustrated breath. “Our entire family has gone missing right when we need them most.”

 _I wonder who else she means by family?_ Shan remembered general references to Sabine’s assigned squad. _I think it was called Phoenix._ Evidently they considered each other family. Ahsoka was a given, though she hadn’t realized their relationship was on the level of family, either. Sabine hadn’t talked about any others. Of course, she had never mentioned Leia, until this week.

Shan really knew so little about the woman she loved. She had accepted it as the price of keeping the dream. _But… what if I could know?_ The events of the last few days had awakened a desperate hope. For the first time, she contemplated a world where the dream could be reality. A reality where Sabine would let Shan be a part of her life.

 _I’m going to make it happen somehow, Sabine Wren, you hear me? No more. I’m not just going to stand around and wait for you to disappear. Well, as soon as we rescue you from impending death, anyway._ She almost laughed, until remembering she might not get the chance to tell Sabine anything ever again.

“We shouldn't wait longer than two more days,” Leia said. “It’s been nearly three days since she was captured. If they follow normal procedure, they will have already started interrogation, assuming there’s no plan to move her. Either way, our time is running out.”

The words produced an angry shudder at what they could have already done to the woman she loved. “No, we can't wait.”

“Alright, let's get back to the compound and figure out a strategy. If we end up doing this alone, we have to execute it perfectly.”

Shan gave her a wan smile. “A little luck wouldn't hurt either. Maybe, even one of those miracles you mentioned.”

_______

Making a Barriss-like attempt to calculate the success rate, Leia rubbed her burning eyes. _Maybe, 10-15%? This is crazy. But, we’re doing it anyway._ “Alright, I guess we've got a plan.”

Shan was leaning against the table tiredly. “Do you think we should just fire bomb the whole place and rescue her during the resulting inferno? I feel like that's got a better chance of success.”

“Um, let's show a little optimism here!” Glancing at her friend, she felt a pang of helplessness. It was clear Shan would do anything for Sabine. _They’re in love, but can’t move forward._

The woman smiled wryly. “I’m still here aren’t I? I think that’s pretty optimistic.” 

Leia chuckled. “True.” A sudden idea formed. _Perhaps, some good can come out of this?_ If the relationship had any hope of long-term success, Shan would have to be integrated into their family. _Or, at least find out who we really are, so Sabine would feel able to share her life._ This situation provided an opportunity borne out of necessity.

“Well, what else do we need, before we perform our miracle?” Shan grinned.

 _It could work._ “Two things. If any of our family does come, I have to—I need your word that nothing you learn will ever be shared with anyone, even down to the names.”

Shan stared. When she finally spoke, the tone rang with pained intensity. “Leia, I’m a protector. It goes against who I am to endanger anyone. In this case, we are talking about people you and Sabine care about. I would die first.”

Leia grabbed her arm apologetically. “I know. I’m sorry I had to ask. It’s not just a matter of rebellion intel. It’s more… personal. Certain details could cost the lives of people we love. There’s a reason Sabine is so secretive. It isn’t her life she would be risking. I know it’s probably been difficult. I also know it’s been hurting her to not tell you things. It’s because of us that she hasn't.”

The woman gazed at her for a moment and then said softly, “Actually, that helps. Thanks.” 

“Also, it puts you at risk.” Leia met her eyes with intensity. “It wasn’t only our family Sabine was concerned about. If anyone knows about your connection to us, you become a target. I can’t overstate the danger you’re taking on by staying here. Once you know, there’s no going back.”

Gray eyes glinted silver. “There is absolutely no way I’m leaving. I would take on any danger in existence for Sabine. You might as well give up that idea right now.”

“Alright,” Leia said slowly, “if you’re certain.”

There was an eye roll. “You are getting awfully dramatic these days.” 

Not able to help a laugh, she said, “Tell me about it. If you do meet my family, you’ll understand.”

The woman grinned. “I look forward to it. Alright, what was the other thing?”

 _She’ll have to show them who she is._ Taking a breath, Leia pushed forward. “I need you to remember something important.”

Shan raised expectant eyebrows.

 _Am I doing this for Sabine, for Rie, or for me? I think all of the above._ “With faith anything is possible.” 

“Um, ok. This helps us, how?” 

“It’s the only thing that matters in this family,” Leia replied simply.

“Uh huh.” The woman’s expression contained a resigned exasperation that clearly communicated her familiarity with vague, unhelpful answers to questions. “Well, I’ll keep that in mind.”

Leia gazed at her for a long moment. “That includes faith in us to accept who you truly are.”

Shan gave a small jolt and a strange melding of both fear and hope passed over her face. The reply was a soft, “I'll try.”

A soldier suddenly rushed in with a panicked look. “Commander, she's here.”

“Who?”

He spoke with reverence, “You know, the Lady! Right outside!”

Leaping from the chair, Leia said, “Well, let her pass immediately!” The man rushed out and she started pacing excitedly. _Thank the Force._

After a few moments of watching her wander aimlessly around the room, Shan commented, “Uh, the Lady? As in, Lady of the Rebellion?” 

“Yes, indeed, Riela Shan.” 

A cloaked figure glided in, closing the door behind her.

Leia felt massive relief at the sight and rushed over, throwing herself into Barriss.

Slender arms wrapped around her with a whisper, “This is not your fault.”

Leia's entire body relaxed. Pulling away, she said, “I'm so glad you're here.”

A gentle hand brushed her face. Then, Barriss removed her hood and turned to a stunned Shan. “Hello, Lieutenant, it's good to see you again.”

 _Woah._ Revealing herself this quickly was unprecedented. Leia had a sudden suspicion that the woman had been awaiting the opportunity. _She understands the problem and has already decided the solution. Aunt Barriss, I love you._

“Uh, wow,” Shan said dazedly, “you're the Lady of the Rebellion?” 

“Well, you can just keep calling me Barriss,” was the wry response. “Now, tell me the situation. Do we know Sabine's condition? What about details on the facility?” 

As they laid out the difficulties, Leia watched the woman’s face work through calculations.

Finally, Barriss flashed a proud smile at her. “Your plan is the most effective option.”

“How much?” Leia asked anxiously. “Adding you in has to significantly improve our chances, right?” 

Her aunt raised an eyebrow. “I’m good, but not that good, Leia. There are only three of us. We have no backup, an entire company of elite soldiers, limited time, multiple contingencies, and what appears to be a highly capable adversary. We also can’t assume Sabine will be mobile. It’s still extremely risky.”

Leia maintained an expectant gaze.

Grimacing, Barriss said, “30%.”

 _Better than 13%._ Somehow, that didn’t bring Leia comfort. 

Shan fixed her with a determined stare. “We can't leave Sabine in there.” 

Barriss looked back in surprise. “Of course not. We don't abandon anyone in this family.” 

Voice a mixture of amazement and relief, Shan said, “You people are… seriously committed.”

Leia couldn’t help a small grin. _You don’t know the half of it._

Her aunt said thoughtfully, “I wonder if we can afford to wait for everyone else. It’s hard to gauge an acceptable delay with unknown arrival times.”

“I don’t know if they’re coming,” Leia commented with slight bitterness.

“Of course, they will.” Barriss gave her a look of disapproval. “I'm sure you contacted them through normal channels. Unfortunately, they're all on missions currently. I sent out emergency communiques before I left, though. Everyone except Phoenix, who are on a deep cover assignment and unreachable, should have already gotten them.”

Leia gazed at her. “You are amazing.”

There was a small snort. “All I did was send out some messages, my dear. It pays to be the Lady of the Rebellion.”

Grinning in relief, Leia asked, “Ok, so how long should we give everyone? We don't want Sabine in there much longer.” 

Shan agreed vigorously, “I don't want to delay at all, unless absolutely necessary. She's been in there over three days already…” Her voice choked off.

“I understand how you feel,” Barriss said with sympathy, “but one more day is better than not getting her out at all.”

The woman's face fell and she nodded.

“However, I suggest a two fold strategy. We move forward tomorrow night, as planned. But, we develop a secondary option that will work if a critical mass of others arrive. That may allow us to put it into action immediately.”

Shan's face brightened and Leia’s mind flooded with confidence. _Aunt Barriss is here. Everything is going to be alright._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Clearly, Sabine and Shan have communication issues, ha. Almost all their angst is based out of assumptions about the other. They make choices (or lack thereof) based on those mindsets. I suppose neither of them wants to take the risk in communicating what's happening inside their head? At the same time, they are obviously willing to go to great lengths to keep what they have. I suppose there's a fuzzy line between fear of loss and love. Or, maybe they are one and the same. Hmm.
> 
> Hopefully, we get Sabine out safely and all turns out well. Guess we'll see.


	7. Balancing Act

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shan deals with the weirdest family on the planet, while Sabine deals with an unusual enemy.

“So, how are things in Chandrila?”

Shan glanced up at the unusual woman hovering over her chair. “Uh, alright. I'm probably going to be raked over the mustafarian coals when I return. I was due back on duty today.”

“Did you tell them why?” Barriss delicately sipped a cup of tea as she leaned against the wall of the situation room, clearly intending to have more than a few lines of dialog.

 _Huh._ Shan suspected this was not someone who started conversations without a purpose. “I sent a message saying I was unavoidably detained, but I'll have to explain myself eventually.” She grimaced. “I doubt helping rebels infiltrate a supposed ally's garrison so you can rescue your secret girlfriend is going to fly.”

There was a small chuckle. “You might be surprised. If you wish, I can inform Waxer you were assisting at my request.”

 _How would that help?_ “Thanks, but it was my choice. I'll live with the consequences. Besides, I doubt he would care.”

“Oh, I’m not so sure about that,” Barriss replied enigmatically.

Shan sent her eyes to the ceiling. “I had almost forgotten how many vague answers you people throw out.”

Barriss snorted. “What else to report?”

“Nothing much. Just life as a warrior and Sabine.”

The woman's lips pursed. “And, balancing the two?”

 _Is this what she wanted to know? How committed I am to Sabine?_ Shan responded honestly, “It's… difficult, but worth it.”

“Good. Because, you make Sabine very happy.”

A warming glow at the thought spawned a bright grin. “Well, she makes me very happy.”

There was a responding grin. “Also, good.” Then, Barriss’ expression turned grave. “You should know that staying here puts you in significant danger. Being connected to us is not a safe place to exist, extending well beyond this mission. It could cost your career, your freedom, or even your life.”

Shan had another urge to roll her eyes, but resisted. _So dramatic._ “Leia said much the same thing to me. I’ll tell you the same answer. I’m not leaving. I don’t care about danger. I care about Sabine. Besides, I want—I think it’s important that I stay.”

“Is it?” The tone was casual on the surface, but held an underlying weight.

“Yes. If we get out of this,” she answered carefully, “there needs to be… somewhere to go.”

“Ah, you do understand. Excellent.”

Cocking her head, Shan gazed at Barriss for a moment. “Yeah, I don’t know if we’re talking about the same thing or not. How in Force’s name do you run a successful rebellion? Is there a standard issue codebook containing translations of ambiguous statements or something?”

The woman laughed and Shan had to suppress a gasp. The sound was unusually beautiful, almost ethereal in quality. It definitely should have become part of the legend surrounding the mysterious figure. The Lady of the Rebellion clearly didn’t laugh often, at least not in front of anyone who would share the detail. _Huh. Does that mean she trusts me?_ That thought brought unexpected pleasure.

Barriss’ intense blue eyes lightened with a mischievous glint. “Oh, I’m much more specific when giving orders. In your case, I don’t believe that is necessary. No, I’m certain it isn’t.” She raised an impish eyebrow. “Now, figure that one out and you’ll have arrived at your final destination.”

Laughing in half exasperation and half enjoyment, Shan started to respond, but never got the chance.

A new voice rang from the doorway, “Well, looks like I haven't missed the rescue party.”

Barriss twisted around with what looked like a relieved smile. “Rex!” She ran over, throwing herself in his arms.

 _Interesting._ In Chandrila, Barriss had been a bit of an enigma. While polite enough, she had lacked any obvious emotionality. Shan was accustomed to reading people and the inscrutable woman had disconcerted her. Though, she had noted the strong affection Leia and Ahsoka had displayed toward Barriss, making Shan suspect there was more beneath the surface. _Apparently, there is quite a lot._

She switched focus to the man that had inspired the emotional reaction. A sense of familiarity surfaced as he spun Barriss around in his arms. _I know him. She called him… Rex._ The name struck a chord. _Rex._ It was right on the edges of her mind. _Rex._

A memory abruptly sprung to life of a grinning face swinging her in wide circles through the air.

 _‘Again, Uncle Rex! Do it again!’ a childish voice cried._  
_There was a deep laugh. ‘Anything for my brave little warrior.’_

Her muscles went rigid as the connection completed. _Rex. Battalion captain of the Shili 501st. My mother’s friend. He’s still alive._ More memories blazed into existence. A serious man talked to her father… a comforting face told her to be brave… tears falling as she watched him ride away. A wave of dizziness passed through Shan and she struggled to calm the sudden emotions.

Fixing desperate eyes on him, the chaos receded and eager hope replaced it. _Don't overdo it, Rie. I'm sure he doesn't remember you. What are you so excited about?_

Rex surveyed the room and did a double take as his gaze passed over her. “Hello. Have we met before? You seem familiar…” he trailed off, expression distant, as if trying to place her.

Barriss gripped his arm and said gently, “This is Riela Shan.”

The man blanched, skin paling. Then, his eyes turned intense and he strode across the short space, halting in front of her. “I’m not sure if you remember me, Rie.”

 _He remembers me._ Tears pooled as she choked out, “I'm so glad you're alive… Uncle Rex.”

He sucked in a quick breath and then grabbed her up in a warm embrace.

_______

“And, who are you exactly?”

Shan flipped around from buffing her armor to see a tall, thin woman with unusually pale skin and purple tattoos decorating her face. “Uh, I’m Shan? Who are you?”

The woman fixed her with an impassive gaze. “Am I supposed to recognize the name? Because—hint—I don’t.”

“Well, I can’t control what you know,” she remarked shortly. _Is this another one of them?_

There was a slight smirk, before the newcomer said, “Better.”

Trying to keep her irritation in check, Shan asked, “And, you are?”

“Someone you don’t know, obviously,” was the exasperating answer.

 _Ok, I’m done._ Rolling her eyes, she turned back to her armor. “Obviously. Anything else we should not talk about?”

There was a dry chuckle from behind her and then the sound of swords being drawn.

Twisting around quickly, Shan had her own out and was in a defensive crouch within three seconds.

The woman hadn’t moved. Katana swords were crossed in front of her body, evocative of a predator sizing up its prey. Then, a snarky grin appeared. “Excellent.” Expertly spinning and sliding the weapons into a reinforced double harness on her back, she remarked, “Now, shall we finish our conversation?”

Irritation now at full strength, she sheathed her own sword and merely stared back at the infuriating stranger.

Suddenly, Barriss entered the room, halting in surprise. She glanced between them and then sighed. “Asajj, what did you say to Shan?”

The woman evidently called Asajj raised innocent eyebrows. “Nothing at all. We were just getting acquainted.”

 _This the most bizarre family on the entire planet._ Shan commented dryly, “If by getting acquainted you mean she drew on me, in some kind of crazy test of my reflexes, then yes—that’s exactly what happened.”

Barriss glared, but Asajj just shrugged. “There’s a strange person in our uber secret meeting room. What did you expect?”

Exhaling in apparent resignation, Barriss said, “Asajj Ventress meet Riela Shan. Shan is a lieutenant in the Chandrila royal guard and also—”

“Sabine’s mystery woman,” Shan added in even higher levels of annoyance. _I wish they would stop announcing that like I'm a prize at a village fair._

Barriss smiled slightly. “Yes, something like that.”

Asajj ran a critical eye over Shan and then snorted. “Sabine always did have good taste.” Turning to Barriss, she said, “Alright, I’m here. When is this rescue mission?”

“Tonight.” Gripping the woman’s arm, Barriss continued, “I’m glad you’re here.”

The stark face transformed into something much different as Asajj smiled warmly back. “Of course, I am. Bounties can wait.”

Shan’s interest level spiked. _Bounty hunter? Definitely, the weirdest family on the planet._

“It’s about time,” a deep voice remarked. “I thought I’d have to be the hero all by myself.” Rex bounded in and picked Asajj up in a whirling hug.

Shan’s mouth went slack as the man kissed her passionately. _Uh, ok. Is it possible I’m in some kind of insane dream after all?_ She pinched her arm, trying to test the theory. _Guess not?_

Glancing back up, she saw Barriss looking at her in knowing bemusement. Shan responded with a self-conscious shrug and resisted the impulse to fold arms around her chest. Compromising, she let fidgety fingers roll the side hem of the tunic they were resting against.

After the couple broke apart, a genuinely happy smile shined from Asajj’s face, before her expression reverted to its snarky demeanor. “Well, someone has to make sure you don’t die, hero.”

A broad smile stretched across his face in response and then Rex asked, “Did you meet Rie? I’ve known her since she was a child.”

“Is that right? Explains her quick reflexes.” Asajj flashed a small grin at Shan that wasn’t exactly unfriendly.

Choosing to take it as an olive branch, Shan grinned back. “Too bad we didn’t get to try them out. I’ve never fought a bounty hunter.”

The woman’s silvery blue eyes lit up with a turquoise hue. “Don’t worry, I’ll be happy to thrash you anytime you like.”

Rex looked between them warily. “Do I even want to know?”

“Nope,” Asajj said as she ran spidery fingers over his chin.

Barriss chuckled and then said, “Alright, I think we’ve horrified Shan enough for one hour. Pretty soon, she’ll be going over the edge.”

 _Too late._ Shan let out a loud snort. “Oh, that happened about twenty hours ago. I’m now just as crazy as the rest of you.”

All three of them stared at her for a moment and then started laughing.

Asajj gave a satisfied nod. “As I thought. She’ll do fine.”

Her fingers stopped their absent movements and Shan smiled. She had no idea what that meant, but for some reason it made her… hopeful.

_______

Shan laughed. “Well, it was definitely a humbling experience to join a standing army at sixteen. Most of my fellow soldiers had been apprenticed at much younger ages, so I was woefully underprepared.”

“Uh huh.” Rex raised dubious eyebrows. “I bet you were fighting circles around them before six months were out.”

Flushing, she ducked her head. “I don’t know about that.”

Fingers gripped her chin, raising it up to meet affectionate eyes. “Oh, but I do. They don’t assign subpar soldiers to the royal guard and they certainly don’t give them warrior commissions.”

A slow grin formed. “If I’m being honest, I still don’t know how that happened. As I’m sure Ahsoka told you, I’m not exactly the model soldier.”

His face pinched. “Why do you say that?”

She shrugged. “I have a bad habit of questioning orders, seem to be too curious for my own good, and tend to get distracted by other factors during missions. I suppose you could say I have a general lack of military discipline.”

The man gazed at her. “Yet, they still gave you a commission. You’ll also have to explain why Waxer would dream of making anything less than the best his adjutant?”

A diffident grin formed. “Point taken. Still, sometimes I really don’t know what they were thinking.”

“They were thinking,” Rex said intently, “that the ability to analyze independently, observe your surroundings, understand complex problems, and find creative solutions outside of normal military protocols makes you an extremely valuable and skilled warrior.”

Shan stared at him, pleasure morphing into happiness. The emotions intensified and the woman quickly tamped them down, before she ended up crying in front of Rex. _Act like a normal person!_ She remarked lightly, “You sound like Ahsoka.”

The man laughed and then feigned a hurt expression. “Um, don’t you mean she sounds like me?”

Snorting, she gave him an exaggerated nod. “Totally.”

He winked. “Oh, I forgot to ask about your father. How is he doing? I’m sure he’s proud of you carrying on the Shan warrior line.”

Shan's smile froze as her eyes jerked to the wall behind Rex’s head. She opened her mouth, but nothing came out. _Would he be proud? I hope so. Guess I’ll never know._

Hands gripped her shoulders and a distressed voice said, “Oh Gods. It didn’t even occur to me that he might be… I’m so sorry.”

Desperately shoving down the rising tears, she replied hoarsely, “Not your fault.”

Fingers pressed into her tensed muscles. “When did he—when did it happen?”

“When I was sixteen.” A sharp breath came from Rex and her eyes shifted back to him. Shan's chest throbbed at the terrible expression of painful regret on his face. She took the hands from her shoulders and squeezed them. “I'm sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you.”

He barked out a blank laugh. “You're not the one who should be apologizing. I lost track of you both after a couple of years. You seemed safe and happy with your father, so I didn't search.” He gazed at a distant point in the air. “I should have tried harder to find you again.”

“Rex, it's alright. It was a long time ago. Please, don't be upset,” Shan pleaded.

Vivid blue eyes refocused and a weak smile formed. “I'll try. But, that’s _Uncle_ Rex to you, my brave little warrior.”

Happiness seared across her heart and she replied softly, “Ok… Uncle Rex.”

The man's face shined. He wrapped strong arms around Shan, pulling her close and kissing her forehead gently. “Good. Because your Uncle Rex is _extremely_ proud of you.”

This time Shan had no hope of stopping the tears.

_______

Sabine glared at the unusual man. “Perhaps, you missed the part where I said I wasn’t interested? If you didn’t get it the last twenty visits, let me help. I. Am. Not. Interested.”

“Oh, I understood you,” he replied with a pleasant smile. “It never hurts to make another attempt, however.”

She didn’t know what to make of the garrison commander. Her usual tactics had been ineffective. It seemed impossible to rile him and his confident expression never wavered. If there was a weakness, Sabine hadn’t found it. “Well, you’re not exactly gaining goodwill by keeping me pinned to a wall in chains.”

“Ah, yes.” The man gave her a polite look of regret. “Unfortunately, Sabine Wren is notoriously difficult to keep imprisoned. I’d much rather let you relax in your cell or even tour the facility. I have a modest collection of artwork from various kingdoms I would enjoy discussing with you, as well. However, we both know that would lead to the death of several of my soldiers and your eventual escape.”

Sabine snorted. “You have that much faith in me, huh? Or, is it a lack of faith in your own troops to detain one lone girl?”

His crimson eyes held wry amusement. “Perhaps, it is both.”

She gazed at him in strange fascination. _What is he up to?_ The man hadn’t interrogated her, had barely even questioned her. His only apparent goal was to convince her to willingly cooperate, which he must know was a losing battle. There was something else going on and, whatever it was, Sabine was certain she wouldn’t like it. “You are a very unusual commander.”

His expression turned quizzical. “In what way?”

Sabine attempted to ascertain if he was toying with her or sincere. _I have no idea how to deal with him._ Finally deciding it didn’t matter either way, she said, “You’re smarter than the average Palpatine lackey for a start. Managing to capture me is one thing. Getting us to walk into a trap is truly impressive. We are not easily tricked.”

“You mean Leia Organa is not. She is extremely capable, true, especially for one so young. I find her an interesting study.”

Her muscles clenched, but she attempted to match his casual tone. “You are very well informed.”

There was a barely perceptible shrug. “It’s not that difficult to gain information, if you are methodical and keep careful records. It is relatively simple to draw connections.”

“Another reason you are unlike anyone else,” Sabine remarked dryly. Trying to move him away from discussion of other rebels, she continued, “You honestly evaluate the capabilities of the people around you, including your enemies. Also, you’re more… civilized. I imagine that will change once you decide to give up this little charade and interrogate me. In my experience, though, all of these things are rare.”

Raising a closed hand to his sharply angled chin, he thoughtfully rubbed a thumb over his forefinger for several moments. “Perhaps, you are correct. I only know who I am and how I go about my work. I don’t concern myself with how others conduct their business.”

Unable to contain her curiosity, she asked, “Why do you serve Palpatine?”

Arching black eyebrows lifted. “Why not? Under his rule, one voice decides matters in an efficient, expeditious manner. There are no more interkingdom wars that take a multitude of lives. Kingdoms that pledge their loyalty are allowed to continue and thrive. A centralized hierarchy makes the whole stronger and better able to combat potential threats, resource scarcity, or other maladies. I find it more puzzling that you have chosen to oppose the benefits that have resulted.”

Sabine gaped. “You have got to be kidding me.”

“Not at all.” His face lit up in apparent interest. “I am fascinated by this illogical worldview you hold. What good do you hope to accomplish by throwing the status quo into disarray? Initially, I assumed it was simply a group of violent malcontents unable to handle a world of peace. After some experience, I discovered many of you are intelligent, capable, measured people. Quite frankly, I find the question impossible to answer.”

Fury surged at his blindness and Sabine struggled not to scream. Gritting teeth, she ground out, “You are not nearly as smart as I gave you credit for, if you can’t see the world around you. Did you miss entire kingdoms being slaughtered?”

“Irrelevant to the current discussion. It can not explain your motivations. You were a child. Besides, as a Mandalorian, bloody warfare would not be an uncommon experience. Palpatine’s early actions were extreme, I admit, but necessary to achieve the stable society we have today.”

“And Alderaan,” she bit back, “was it’s destruction necessary? You can’t excuse that as an early action. Is supposed stability worth thousands of innocent lives and a peaceful culture of beauty, art, and knowledge?”

He blinked and Sabine felt immense satisfaction at scoring a hit through his formidable shield.

“Alderaan was regrettable,” the man responded slowly. “I believe even the Emperor now sees it as a miscalculation, especially since it inspired a surge in rebellious activity. However, peace and stability often have a high price. It is a mere calculus, a balancing act.”

Eyes bulging, Sabine’s entire soul blazed with righteous anger. “What about the enslavement of entire groups, the ripping of children from their parents, the destruction of defenseless villages? People continue to lose everything while you stand here defending it!”

His expression turned dismissive. “There are always cases of suffering in any society. Are you suggesting they didn't exist prior to the Emperor's rule? Innocents suffered before Palpatine and they would have continued to do so without him. It is possible the occurrence rate was lower, though there is little evidence to support that supposition. Either way, a few individual needs can not be allowed to cripple the good of the whole.”

 _This is pointless. Why are you playing his game?_ Taking a deep, steadying breath, a small level of calmness returned and she said evenly, “In that case, we have nothing to talk about. If the individual is meaningless to you, then I understand why you serve a master of evil.”

Hands clasped behind his back with disappointment. “Rebel propaganda slogans? I expected better.”

Sabine met his cold eyes with fire. “That’s what you don’t get. It’s _not_ propaganda. I’ve seen the aftermath of your glorious ruler’s actions too many times. It can not be described any other way except evil.”

The teal blue hues of the man’s face shadowed in resignation. “I see you are a true believer. Unfortunate. I had hoped to convince you of reason. You would be a formidable asset. After we capture your friends, I’m afraid my options will become less pleasant for both of us.”

Her stomach twisted. “Capture?”

“Surely, you have realized that the first trap was merely a set-up for the second?” His crimson eyes shined with an eerie glow. “I now have the perfect lure for my true prey. I intend to capture one, potentially both, of the so-called ladies of the rebellion.”

“You think one of them will try to rescue me?” Sabine guffawed as sweat trickled down her forehead. “They wouldn’t risk compromising the Rebellion to save a random operative. I’m expendable. I thought you were logical.”

“Oh, I am,” he replied with a bemused nod. “I have noticed a pattern in my data over the last few years. You are closely associated with certain people, two of which are Ahsoka Tano and Barriss Offee. Your arguments over the last few minutes have merely confirmed my supposition. When it comes to the individual, your leaders are unlikely to make logical decisions. They will come. And, when they do, I will be ready for them.” Flashing one last pleasant smile, the man exited her cell.

Energy draining, Sabine’s head dropped as dread rose within her soul. _No._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wrapping in Rex was fulfilling. I always enjoy expanding small references from another work, i.e. Loyal Soldier. Giving Shan a true connection to her prior family and world was too good to resist. Of course, Rex always recognizes when he is needed and rises to the occasion. 
> 
> When I wrote Shan originally in FE, I assumed she would know Rex as well and had a vague notion of bringing them back together at some point. It also made sense to me that her mother would have a closer friendship with Rex than a young, always on the move, royal princess like Ahsoka--especially given his position in the battalion. Therefore, young Shan would have spent more time with Rex and have more memories of him. Also, Rex had wandering time after Shili fell to keep track of survivors, meaning she likely saw him a couple more times as an older child.
> 
> As to the Sabine storyline... well, we all know who that is don't we?


	8. Family Secrets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Family revelations begin to challenge Shan's control, giving her something in the process.

“Leia, just because you’re my niece doesn’t mean you should pick up my bad habits.”

Shan stuttered to a stop in front of the situation room doorway. _Niece? Did I hear that right?_

There was a moment of silence and then Barriss continued, concern radiating from her voice, “It’s not your fault, my darling girl. Please, stop blaming yourself.”

There was a pained sigh. “I can’t help it. I should have known the objective was too good to be true. Sabine wouldn’t have even been there if it wasn’t for me. She only came because I asked her. You know how protective she is of her time with Shan.”

 _Sabine does prioritize our time together._ The thought brought a wave of pleasure.

Leia continued in a tone that more closely matched her young age than Shan had ever heard. “They were smart, Aunt Barriss. Detailed schematics of every facility in Corellia was a prize too good to pass up. Yet, they made finding out about it and getting to it extremely difficult, thus ensuring I’d not suspect a trap _and_ bring my best people.”

 _So, is the relationship honorary, adoptive, or blood?_ A Mirialan aunt would be unusual for Alderaanian royalty. _Though, it could be by marriage._ Shan didn’t know enough about the royal line of Alderaan to know if that was possible. Having the Lady of the Rebellion for an aunt would certainly explain Leia’s involvement, as well as Barriss’ presence in Chandrila with the girl.

 _Wait. Does the Sovereign Master know who Barriss is? She must._ The warrior had assumed her ruler’s protection of Ahsoka was based on a past relationship between royals and occasional mutual advantage, but… _Oh. You've been stupid. It's so obvious._

She had assumed Chandrila supported the Rebellion’s goals in a conceptual way. However, it was now clear Mon Mothma had much more active involvement. _What did Barriss say? You might be surprised?_ Shan snorted. _Understatement of the year. And that's saying a lot given how this week is going._

“Hmm,” Barriss replied, “I agree. This shows better planning and analysis than Palpatine’s people have been capable of in the past. It is no easy matter to fool you. It worries me.”

The girl asked tentatively, “What do you think our chances are?”

There was a momentary silence and then a deep exhale. “You already know the answer, Leia. It’s going to be challenging to get everyone out safely, much less Sabine. Though, with the addition of Rex and Asajj, our success rate goes up to 49%.”

“Well, that’s something.” The tone didn’t match the optimistic words, though.

“Have faith,” Barriss said, “we’ve succeeded against greater odds.” Then, she chuckled. “Plus, you never know, your aunt and brother might make it here in the nick of time to save the day.”

Shan stiffened. Another aunt was one thing. _Brother?!_ Unable to stop herself, she stepped into the room, amazed expression still on her face.

The two women flipped around at her entrance and Leia grimaced. “I’m guessing you heard some of that?”

Nodding absently, Shan blurted out, “I thought you were an only child?”

“It’s my fault.” Barriss gave a wan smile. “I should have closed the door.” She crossed the room and did just that. “I guess the lack of sleep is catching up to me.”

“So, are you going to explain?” Shan asked wryly. “Or, is this yet another mysterious and classified item that will bother me until the end of time?”

Leia glanced at Barriss questioningly.

The woman ran a hand over her forehead and sat down in a nearby chair. “It’s up to you. Trust must be given from the one taking the most risk. You know her better than I do.”

Shan’s eyes darted between them. “I take it this answer may endanger Leia?”

Barriss inclined her head.

“Then, don’t tell me,” she said firmly, “I don’t want to put you at risk. Ever.”

Leia smiled. “It’s alright, Rie. Only knowing half of the story is sometimes more dangerous than the full truth. Besides, I’ve always wanted to tell you.”

Pleased warmth wrapped over Shan’s heart. “Wow. Thanks.”

Taking a deep breath, Leia rushed out, “I was adopted as a baby by Bail and Breha Organa, the leaders of Alderaan. They took me in after the death of my birth mother, in order to protect me. My twin brother, who I didn’t know existed until a few years ago, was hidden elsewhere.”

“Ok,” Shan said, “why is that a secret?”

The young woman gazed at her nervously. “The surname I was born with was… Skywalker.”

Shan flinched and wrapped arms around a heaving stomach. _Anakin Skywalker. Prince. Master General. Hero of Legend. Butcher of Shili._ _The monster who killed my mother._ The thoughts began to distort dangerously. _Stop. Don’t lose it, Rie._ Kicking herself back into reality, she took a deep breath and stated, “You’re the daughter of Anakin Skywalker.” Everything suddenly fell into place. “Your aunt is Ahsoka Tano. But, that would mean…” She glanced at Barriss.

The woman smiled. “Yes, Ahsoka is my wife.”

 _Force. No wonder Sabine never talks about any of these people. This is the most complicated family on the planet. And, probably the most secretive. Wait._ Looking back at her friend, she asked, “Why did you need to be protected?”

Leia averted her eyes and replied quietly, “Because, if Palpatine or my birth father knew I existed they might… want me and my brother.”

“Uh, what?” Her heart palpitated wildly at the implication and she choked out, “Didn’t Anakin Skywalker die after Shili fell?”

Distressed brown eyes met Shan’s. “No. He didn’t. Skywalker still serves Palpatine in another form. You might know him as the Lord Protector, Palpatine’s enforcer.”

The surrounding room compressed into a pinpoint. _No._ Body trembling, Shan stumbled over to a chair and collapsed as forceful memories splintered her mental barricades. Shuddering lungs couldn’t seem to get enough air. _Mom! Get up!_ Blank eyes, screaming voices, and sickening odors crashed in vicious, unrelenting waves. _Please no._ Everything intensified and her mind wobbled in desperate panic. _Please… make it stop._

Firm hands gripped her face and a soothing voice said, “Rie, look at me. Please.”

“C-can’t stop…” Shan croaked.

“You can. Just focus on my eyes.”

Dragging her gaze to Barriss with difficulty, she anchored to the supportive eyes.

“Good. Now, concentrate on me completely,” the woman said with a comforting surety.

Obeying instructions, Shan felt the panic receding as the images slowly faded. Taking in repeated calming breaths and keeping herself focused on Barriss, she whispered blankly, “I didn’t know.”

The fingers splayed across her cheeks massaged the skin beneath them. “That’s not necessarily a bad thing.”

“Isn’t it?” Shan murmured. The idea of Anakin Skywalker, the man she had hated and feared since seven years old, still inflicting the same torment on new children everywhere made her enraged. Not at him, but at herself. _His own family fights against him and I do nothing._

The realization settled into her heart with potent force. _I live in a dream world, where kingdoms prosper and warriors do noble deeds. I sit by, protecting my little plot of land, while a fight for everything rages around me. One day, he will come for us. And, like Shili, we won’t be able to stop him. I’m a protector who is protecting something that doesn’t exist._

The bracing hands tightened their grip. “Don’t try to take it all in at once.”

 _Enough. Get it together, Rie._ Shan worked to reign in the chaotic thoughts. Finally feeling under control once more, she gave the woman a weak smile. “Thanks for the help. I’m alright now, I think. Sorry, I don’t usually lose it like that.”

Barriss smiled and rubbed gentle thumbs over her face. “I didn’t think you did. Given the circumstances, I’m not surprised. I’ve had worse myself.”

Mouth parting, she asked in disbelief, “You have?”

“Oh, most certainly.” Giving one last squeeze, Barriss dropped her hands. “Much worse. I’m quite impressed at your swift recovery. You have a good deal of mental discipline. Or, perhaps, it’s more a superior level of adaptation skill?”

Shan stared. _How does she know that?_ Swallowing hard, she attempted a light reply. “I’ve just learned the hard way how to not act like a raving lunatic in public, I suppose.” She flashed a diffident grin.

Barriss assessed her for a moment and then brushed a hand across Shan’s cheek. “Well done, then. However, that’s not something you have to worry about with us.”

Blazing warmth washed over her and a content smile formed. “Thanks.” Glancing over at Leia, her chest tightened. The young woman looked seriously distraught.

Rising quickly, Shan walked over and wrapped arms around her. “Please, don’t be upset. I’m ok. Actually, it might help me figure some things out. I’m grateful you trusted me with the secret.”

Leia relaxed in the embrace. “Of course, I do. You’re my friend. I know I might not always show it, but you are important to me.”

Shan smiled happily. “Good.”

_______

Shan glanced up as two new arrivals strolled into the situation room. _How many of them are there?_ One was a Mirialan woman with only one eye. _I wonder how that happened?_ The other was a distinguished looking human male. _He looks important._

She noted Barriss’ happy smile upon their entrance. _Perhaps, the Mirialan is her mother or another relative?_ Though, the affection seemed to be just as strong for the man. _Parents?_

Leia greeted the Mirialan with easy friendliness. However, she treated the man more deferentially. _I might as well give up. I’ll never figure it out._

As the flurry of knowledge she had gained over the last few days had settled, Shan found herself desperate for more. The more she knew, the more real everything became. Despite the constant worry about Sabine, she was feeling more hopeful about the future than in a very long time. _Calm down. Don't overdo it, Rie. That never turns out well. Well, not never. Occasionally, it's ok. Huh._

They turned toward her and Shan stood quickly with a polite expression.

“Riela Shan,” Barriss said, “meet Luminara Unduli and Obi-Wan Kenobi.”

Shan tried to keep her mouth from dropping open for the fiftieth time in a week. Luminara’s name was unfamiliar. However, the other one she definitely recognized. _The legendary negotiator. Why do I even bother thinking anyone is dead, anymore?_ Attempting an even response, she said, “Good to meet you.”

Kenobi fixed her with an assessing gaze. “Tell me, are you related to Commander Shan of the Shili 501st?”

Eyes widening, she nodded. “She was my mother, Master Kenobi.”

He smiled softly. “I thought so. Shan is not a common name and you look very much like her. She was a great warrior and a kind person.”

Shan returned the smile. “Thank you. I wasn’t aware you were acquainted.”

“I didn’t know her well, but we often chatted at Shili-hosted events. Ahsoka was very fond of her and I believe we all went hunting together once.” His face turned distant. “It was a long time ago.”

“Yes,” she replied quietly, “it was.”

Their eyes met and she saw her pain mirrored in his. Then, Kenobi’s expression reverted to mild amusement. “So, were you pulled into service for this rescue mission or are you a friend of the family?”

She was suddenly unsure how to describe her relationship. “I… well, Sabine and I—”

Leia saved her by interjecting, “Shan isn’t part of the Rebellion. She’s a warrior, a lieutenant in the Chandrila royal guard. However, she also happens to be Sabine’s mystery woman,” the girl ended with a satisfied smile.

 _Ugh. You're killing me._ Trying not to show her annoyance, Shan awaited the evaluation.

As expected, both of the newcomers focused on her with increased interest. Kenobi raised a snarky eyebrow. “Well, at least something good came out of this situation. Our curiosity is finally satisfied!”

Unduli sent him a look of amused reproach and said, “It’s good to meet you, Lieutenant Shan. Don’t mind Obi-Wan. Sabine has been extremely secretive about you and he can’t stand not to know everything.”

The man shot a glare her direction. “Don’t misrepresent me to our new friend, my dear.” Then, his face turned mischievous. “Though, don’t think I am missing the fact that I won the bet.”

She glared at him this time. “I believe your guess was a politician.”

“A person unaffiliated with the Rebellion or Palpatine, such _as_ a political or court delegate in one of the kingdoms. I didn’t specifically say politician.”

The Mirialan snorted. “You’re splitting hairs.”

Shan couldn't decide if she was exasperated or fascinated by the absurd argument.

Barriss quirked an eyebrow. “Can’t this battle wait? We do have a rescue mission to execute.”

They both looked at her in wry amusement. Unduli remarked, “I can see our girl is in serious mission-mode today, my love. We’ll have to get a ruling later.”

Kenobi grinned. “Indeed.”

Still torn between interest in the new arrivals and anxiety about Sabine, Shan asked, “Is this enough people to move to our secondary strategy?”

Leia considered. “I think so. However, Barriss could give us a success rate for each option, I suppose.”

Barriss closed her eyes, expression morphing as she calculated.

 _Still impressive._ The woman could apparently calculate each variable, including individual skills of participants and potential risks, to come up with a theoretical success rate. The analytical abilities involved were breathtaking.

The woman’s eyes re-opened and she pursed her lips. “Neither option is ideal. Taken only as a measure of whether we can get Sabine safely out, the secondary strategy has an overall 68% success rate as compared to 67% for the first. However, the percentages aren’t the only things to consider.”

Leia nodded. “The distribution of forces in the second option provides a backup plan, giving us an edge, but also incurs greater individual risk while separated. Though, that plan would also give us more time,” she added excitedly.

“How does that help?” Shan asked in confusion.

“It gives us a better chance of Ahsoka and Luke arriving from the outer regions,” Leia replied. She looked at Barriss for confirmation.

The woman smiled brightly, apparently impressed with Leia’s irrational logic.

Shan couldn’t stop herself. “Uh, am I missing something? I know Ahsoka is a great warrior, but there’s no guarantee she’ll be here. We don't even know if she got the message. Why pin our hopes on something that might not happen?” _And, I thought I overdid things._

They all looked back at her with an odd expectancy, as if they were awaiting some kind of performance. Then, Barriss glanced at Leia. It reminded Shan of how the Master General had looked at Waxer when he had recommended her for promotion. It made her feel pretty much the same way and anxiety inexplicably flooded Shan’s mind.

Leia locked eyes with her and said intently, “Have faith.”

 _Am I supposed to say something deep and meaningful here?_ Shan folded arms around her chest and gazed back at her nervously. _With faith anything is possible. Be yourself and believe too much._ A sudden release abruptly replaced the anxiety. Dropping her arms and straightening, she flashed a childish grin. “Alright, faith it is.”

The young woman smiled warmly back and the others seemed to relax.

 _Guess I passed? This family is so weird._ Still, the reaction made her unaccountably happy and Shan found herself more at ease than she had been since this insane experience started. _Maybe, even before that. Huh._

Rex, who had apparently been leaning against the door without being noticed, piped up, “Besides, Rie, you clearly haven’t seen a grossly outnumbered Ahsoka in action. There’s a reason she’s called the Lady Jedi.”

Locking her jaw in place to prevent herself from screaming, Shan tried to pretend he hadn’t just casually dropped another boulder into the raging river that used to be her reality. _Ahsoka is the Lady Jedi?! Of course, she is. Silly you. Who else could the Lady of the Rebellion possibly be married too? The great and powerful Jabba must have been unavailable. Next, I suppose you will find out Luminara is secretly a reincarnated Jedi Master._

The man continued, “Luke’s skills are nothing to sniff at, either. Believe me, if they show up, we won’t fail. Ask Barriss.”

Calming the racing thoughts, Shan turned to the woman. “Well? What’s the success rate if we have them?”

An impish grin appeared on Barriss’ face. “98%”

This time Shan didn’t have a prayer of stopping her mouth from dropping open.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This and the prior chapter were two of my favorites to write. I loved the idea of the outsider experiencing our strange family. What is commonly known about the Rebellion leadership? Who is thought to be dead? What are the rumors? How weird would this be to fresh eyes? etc. Shan’s increasingly shocked reactions to everything were fun to write.
> 
> I also wanted to touch on Shan's backstory with Shili and the childhood trauma she's been ignoring for too long. We'll have to deal with that eventually. Overall, though, this was just me enjoying dramatic reveals way too much. ;-)


	9. Family Gambit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our intrepid rebel family launches a desperate mission to rescue Sabine.

“I believe it is time to surrender, my lady,” a pleasant voice remarked as a man stepped in front of the soldiers lining the main corridor.  
  
Barriss scanned the large juncture, evaluating options. All three exits were blocked with multiple squads. _This was a trap. An extremely good one._ Hopefully, it was contained to them, so Shan and Leia could safely reach Sabine. Either way, stalling seemed indicated.  
  
Casually slinging the bow over her back, she faced the garrison commander. “I will do so, if you allow my companions to leave.”  
  
Impassive eyes assessed her. “You are not really in a bargaining position.”  
  
“Oh, I think I am. We are trapped, true. However, I can order an assault to the death at this moment. The talents of my people are considerable. I wouldn’t be at all surprised if you lost half your garrison in the process of killing us. I might kill you personally, for that matter. Additionally, I imagine I make a better prize for the emperor alive.”  
  
The man seemed contemplative. “You make interesting points. However, I am loathe to let high-ranking members of the rebellion escape. Quite frankly, I’m surprised you committed such important resources to this mission. I expected you or Ahsoka Tano, but it appears I got significantly more in the bargain.”  
  
“It is unwise to let greed dictate unacceptable outcomes,” Barriss replied placidly. “You did not expect to get them, so it is no true loss if you let them go. Taking on more than one can handle is a primary cause of failure.”  
  
There was a dry chuckle. “You are as impressive as I had hoped for, my lady.”  
  
Maintaining a serene gaze, she merely nodded acknowledgement of the compliment. _Strange._ His species was unfamiliar to her, which was a rare occurrence. The teal blue skin and slickened, jet black hair gave him a shadowed, exotic appearance in the juncture’s dim lighting. However, the crimson-colored eyes were especially unique. _What an unusual person._  
  
“Perhaps,” he continued, “I have a counter offer. I will allow your friends to leave, if you surrender. However, I also require a promise that you will not attempt to escape in your time here.”

Barriss raised an eyebrow. “What makes you think I would even keep such a promise?”

Stolid shoulders gave a small shrug. “I have spent a great deal of time studying you. You have a strong sense of duty. I suspect that extends to giving your word.”

Her companions shifted anxiously. _They know he’s right._

His angular face smoothed into a cordial smile. “I see I’m not the only one who thinks so. You are truly one of the most fascinating people I have ever had the pleasure of meeting. A destroyer with a code of honor. A creator of chaos with an ordered, calculating mind. I find you a puzzle worthy of more attention. It would simply be easier, if I didn’t have to chain you to a wall to keep your continued presence.”

Barriss considered. He had made the appearance of concession, but effectively neutralized her. _This one is exceptional._

“Absolutely not,” Rex suddenly interjected. “She will not agree to any such thing. In fact, we will all die before letting her do so. If you want the Lady of the Rebellion, you will have to take the risk of keeping her. If you don’t want her badly enough to work for it, then you don’t deserve her.”

 _Rex, you are my hero._ Barriss flashed him a barely perceptible grin.

The commander’s gaze shifted with mild interest. “Captain Rex, isn’t it? I have often wondered why the Emperor doesn’t pay closer attention to you. He seems to have an unwavering focus on Ahsoka Tano and, to a lesser extent, our remarkable lady here. In my opinion, though, you pose nearly as great a threat as either of them—albeit in a different way.”

Snorting derisively, Rex replied, “I could care less what that despot thinks of me. The man has sickened me from the time he tried to recruit me to help overthrow Shili to the moment he blackmailed Anakin Skywalker into selling Ahsoka to him as a bride. I find the fact that he doesn’t think of me at all to be a great comfort, actually.”

Crimson eyes took on a radiating glow. “I was not aware of the actions you speak of. Fascinating…” his voice trailed off thoughtfully.

Barriss gripped the sheathed hilt of her sword and stepped slightly left, taking advantage of the distraction. There was no reaction. She brushed three fingers over her right thigh.

Rex immediately continued his efforts, “Oh, I could probably tell you all about your glorious leader. His need for power and manipulation is extensive and well-practiced. He is a master at controlling the weak-minded.”

Luminara and Obi-Wan staggered their barely perceptible movements toward the far exit.

“I assume that was meant to be an insult?” His expression hardened. “I assure you I hold no illusions about the Emperor or his motives. However, the fact remains that the world is a more stable and peaceful place since he has come to power, excepting the violence created by yourselves. You are the problem now, Captain.”

Asajj edged backwards as Barriss continued her subtle progress left.

Rex laughed heartily, not breaking eye contact with the commander. “Only a fool can not see the slow destruction of his home and his way of life. You think because there is momentary stability, borne out of the terrible bloodshed of innocents, it will last? You think what makes life worth living will not be destroyed in the process? We are trying to do something about it, while there’s still time. It may come to nothing, but at least we didn’t lay down and die to gain temporary benefits.”

For the first time, the unusual man showed some emotion as the crimson eyes flared and the teal skin darkened. Then, his expression reverted to a dispassionate gaze. “I can see you are too much of a soldier to ever understand peace.”

Grinning impishly, Rex said, “I can see you are too enamored with your own worldview to objectively evaluate. You also have neglected to account for key pieces of information. If you truly weighed the balance, you would find the odds that I am right to be substantial.”

Curious eyebrows arched. “What pieces of information?”

Finally in position, Barriss lifted a palm with five fingers splayed out. The action caught the commander’s attention, drawing his attention from an immediately shifting Rex.

Fixing him intently, she answered, “The character of Palpatine, based on past actions and cycles of oppression. The hopelessness of the people downtrodden by his rule and their lack of productivity or increase in violence as a result. The number of lives lost in his reign as compared to the interkingdom wars of the past. The small, but potential chance, that someone less-skilled will overthrow him, leading to chaos. I could go on, but that should get you started after we’re gone.”

A superior smile tugged at the edges of the man’s lips, “Gone?”

Barriss closed her hand and leapt into action, everyone falling into formation behind her. They slashed a quick path through unprepared soldiers and sprinted out the far exit.

_______

Sabine listened carefully, anticipation building. _They did come._ It was immediately replaced by dread. _They shouldn’t have._

The cell door flew open to reveal a bloodied woman of her dreams. “Hey there.”

 _No._ She had hoped Shan was safely back in Chandrila by now. _I should have known better._ Turning panicked, Sabine cried, “This is a trap! Get out of here now!”

The woman rolled her eyes and started unlocking the chains pinning Sabine to the wall. “Tell me something we don’t know, oh dramatic one. We’re certainly not going to get out of it without you. So, shape up, soldier.”

Not able to help herself, she flashed a grin. “Yes, ma’am.” Her body careened toward the floor as the final chain released.

Strong arms caught her and gray eyes blazed silver. “I’m so glad you’re alright.”

Leaning heavily on the woman to steady her unused muscles, Sabine remarked impishly, “Of course, I am. I promised to see you soon, didn’t I? Where’s the faith?”

Fierce lips pressed against hers for a long moment. A soft voice murmured, “Oh, I’m learning all about faith these days.” Standing Sabine up, Shan slowly released her hold.

Reeling from both the kiss and the screaming muscles, Sabine wobbled for a moment, before regaining her balance. “So, shall we go then?” She flexed her arms, trying to get the circulation moving. _Come on, you need to be in top form quickly._

Shan ran an assessing eye over her and then handed over a short sword. “This is all you’re getting, until you can actually walk properly.”

Sabine grimaced. “Fine. They took all my good stuff, anyway.” Looking down at herself, she added, “At least, I’ve still got my armor. Nerfherders stole my helmet, though.”

Another voice called, “Anytime, people.”

Shan ran to the cell door, Sabine unsteadily following. Leia was surrounded by an entire squad, with a pile of already disposed of soldiers arrayed around the corridor.

The young woman glanced over with relief at seeing them. “About time. Do I have to do all of the work?”

“Um,” Sabine asked, “tell me there are others with you.”

Slashing through the remaining soldiers, Shan gave her a mischievous smile. “Now, why would we need any help? Where’s the faith?”

Leia chuckled as she finished off the final enemy. Running to the corner, she grabbed and flung a brightly colored object at Sabine.

Catching it with her stomach, the woman winced and looked down. “My helmet!” she cried.

“Found it on the way in.” Leia grinned and then added snarkily, “I knew we’d never hear the end of it, if you didn’t get it back. No way I’m putting up with whining during the entire egress.”

Sabine glared, but happily slid the helmet over her head. _Excellent._

“Ok,” Leia continued, “they’ve got the cell block surrounded and are waiting for us to emerge. I suggest we use Plan C.”

Shan stared at her. “What is Plan C?”

Pulling a grate off the wall, Leia shrugged. “I’ll let you know.”

Swinging the sword a few times, sensation returning to her arms, Sabine grinned. “My favorite kind of plan.”

_______

Shan rolled out of the fireplace defensively, surveying the empty room. “Clear.”

Leia popped out next, flipping into a standing position in one fluid motion.

 _Huh._ While Leia had always impressed her, formal combat abilities were not something Shan had considered. Until, the girl had taken out nearly two squads on her own in the cell block. Raising eyebrows, she asked, “Have you always been secretly possessed of excellent combat skills or are you just trying to impress me?”

Sabine crashed inelegantly to the ground and clambered up with a wince. “Well, she was trained by Ahsoka. Though, so was I and I’m pretty sure I just pulled something.” Removing her helmet, she brushed debris off of it with a frown.

Leia grinned. “Actually, I’m not nearly as good as everyone else. Don’t let Sabine fool you.”

“Believe me, I know,” Shan said with a snort. “She beats up on me regularly.”

The woman in question glared. “Oh, please. You win our sparring just as much as I do.”

Heading to the door, Leia commented dryly, “You’re better than me, as well. Are you trying to say I’m surprisingly competent for a princess?”

“Not exactly,” she replied with a shrug, “I guess I never thought about it. Though, you’ve definitely improved since we met if throw pillows are any indication.” She flashed a mischievous grin.

Leia’s eyes shined with amused affection. “Ah, but it takes true skill to eliminate half the breakfast trays in one move.”

Feeling an overwhelming sense of happiness at the memory, Shan momentarily forgot their surroundings and started laughing.

Sabine looked between them and then shook her head. “I don’t even want to know.”

Barely containing her own laughter, Leia took a deep breath. “Alright, we need to make a decision. The corridor is clear for the moment. We can head out or toward the others.”

“The others?” Sabine asked.

“Barriss, Rex, Obi-Wan, Asajj, and Luminara are supposed to be distracting the majority of the forces elsewhere. However, given the evidence this was a trap from the beginning…”

Sabine’s face hardened. “We are absolutely not leaving them here.”

“They are buying us time to get out,” Shan pointed out. “Heading away from the exit is probably not what they intend.”

“I don’t care,” Sabine said forcefully, “we don’t abandon anyone in this family.”

Shan sighed. _They certainly have their mantras down._

All of a sudden, Sabine jerked toward Leia. “Wait, they're all here? Did they—” Her gaze shifted to Shan. “Did you meet them?” Fear seemed to fluctuate with hope across a pensive face.

Raising nervous eyebrows, Shan replied, “Uh, yeah.” _Are you upset or happy about it?_

“She knows quite a bit now,” Leia added softly, “including who I really am.”

Sienna eyes widened. “Oh.” The hope and fear intensified.

Crossing the room, Leia gripped Sabine’s shoulder. “The choice was made and it worked out. It’s time to move forward with a new strategy, not sacrifice.”

Sabine's expression gradually cleared and her eyes took on a shining quality.

 _Ok, I’m totally being discussed in a vague and unknown manner. Still, Sabine seems alright with me knowing about her life. I think._ Feeling a bit frustrated, Shan said, “Shouldn't we be escaping or something?”

“Sorry,” Leia answered, “you’re right. So, they may already be on their way out, expecting us to do the same. Or, they could need our help.” She grinned. “How about we do both?”

They stared at her. Leia pointed at another grate on the far side of the room. “Back into the wall, soldiers.”

________

“Well, that was exciting,” the man drawled, waving two more squads forward. The commander surveyed the group of rebels standing back-to-back in the courtyard. “Shall we continue our earlier conversation?”

 _This guy is really starting to get on my nerves._ They had managed to make it outside of the garrison walls, only to be stopped by a clearly pre-planned mass of troops arrayed around the gates. Barriss assessed options, noting the multiple squads strategically located and the sharpshooters on the ramparts. _Well-planned, well-executed._ Fighting their way out would result in at least some, potentially all of them dying.

Looking back at him, she shrugged. “It appears you have a captive audience. What can we do for you?”

Smiling with understated amusement, he remarked, “I really do find you intriguing, my lady. At this point, though, I’m afraid I’ll need to take you all into custody. If you don’t come quietly, I will order my archers to take your friends out one by one.” A firm hand rose above his head, holding in place to await her decision.

“First, tell me why you’ve concentrated all of your troops here. By my count, this is 78% of your available forces. Yet, you should have suspected we would head toward the cell block. Why here?”

“I hypothesized you would lead the distractionary team, while a smaller group would attempt to escape notice and free Sabine Wren. I left a significant portion of troops in the cell block to deal with them. Even if they prove to be more skilled than expected and escape, it is no great loss. I have my real target here.”

“So, you anticipated we would exit this way?” Barriss felt relief. Leia and Shan had likely overcome the other forces and gotten Sabine. _They’ll get themselves out._

“It was the obvious choice.” He paused with a wry expression. “Or, rather the obvious choice for you. Anyone else would have gone for a more complicated egress, believing they would fool pursuers. However, you tend to choose the option people least expect. In this case, the unexpected choice is to leave through the front door.”

She nodded, impressed in spite of herself. “You are too good for Palpatine.”

Arched eyebrows lifted. “Sabine Wren suggested much the same thing. As I told her, I find you to be too good for the rebellion. You could help maintain a world of strength, peace, and stability instead of crippling it. Your superior mind is hindered by irrational impulses.”

Shaking her head sadly, she replied, “I once thought as you do, until I discovered I was destroying what makes our world worth saving. Achieving my goals meant embracing the dichotomy. That requires attention not only to the whole, but to its individual parts. I’m not successful because of my calculating mind or my bleeding heart. I’m successful because I balance them. I hope you will learn the same lesson, before your world crumbles around you.”

The man gazed at her impassively for a long moment. “Your argument presumes I have the same goals as you.” Then, his hand raised higher, preparing to close into a fist. “I am loathe to destroy such a remarkable mind. However, it is clear you are determined not to see reason and I can no longer afford to risk your escape.” His voice sounded sincerely regretful. “Do reconsider.”

 _You have to know when sacrifice is truly necessary, Barriss._ Even if he would still accept the prior offer of her surrender, voluntary imprisonment and potential breaking under extended interrogation could mean death to the Rebellion and everyone she loved. _I have no choice._ She glanced at Rex, who nodded agreement. Barriss tensed and stepped back, preparing to protect her family to the end. _Ahsoka, I’m so sorry. I love you._

Suddenly, there were cries from the ramparts as sharpshooters started flying over the side. Everyone jerked up to see three figures moving swiftly through the unsuspecting archers. Hope surging, Barriss ordered an attack and waded into the mass of troops. Leia, Sabine, and Shan soon slid down the outer walls to join the fray.

After a few minutes of desperate fighting, Barriss cursed. The rebels were steadily being pushed back toward the inner doors of the garrison. As she took out two soldiers with one twist of her sword, the woman scanned the area for other strategies.

The commander had pulled half of his forces to the archway near the gates, blocking their exit, should they make it that far. He called out calmly, “This is a losing battle, Barriss Offee. Do you really wish to die here with the blood of a hundred soldiers on your hands?”

The words chilled her and the woman stared at the blood seeping from the young soldier she had just stabbed through the chest.

A powerful voice echoed across the courtyard. “That’s the wrong question. The correct one is… do you?”

The fight halted as everyone looked up to the top-most rampart.

Ahsoka Tano stood fiercely, gleaming swords in both hands as the morning sun rose behind her.

The commander’s mouth parted ever so slightly and Barriss could see a hint of concern in the otherwise unflappable expression. For the first time, he sensed the possibility of defeat.

Then, the front gates swung open and Luke Skywalker strolled into view, long sword at his side. He winked at Leia. “I know you missed me and all, but you could have just written or something.”

The young woman rolled her eyes, while Shan stared at him in apparent fascination.

Barriss smiled in grim satisfaction. “Well, answer her question, Commander. It’s not wise to keep the Lady Jedi waiting.”

The words caused a ripple effect among the surrounding troops. They glanced at each other warily, fear spreading along their lines. Thoughtful crimson eyes surveyed the rebels and then assessed his remaining forces.

The adrenaline drained as Barriss watched his calculating mind process the variables. _There’s only one choice, Commander._ While he could potentially kill one or two of them before their escape, capture was improbable and the intended targets were unlikely to be included. It would also require losing a significant portion of his forces to do so. The man could still proclaim some kind of victory, but it would be a costly one. If it were anyone else, Barriss would have expected ego to prevail. _Not him._

Finally, a wry smile appeared. “Well played, my lady.” Waving a hand, he said, “Retreat to the garrison.”

The soldiers looked surprised, but not unwilling. They complied with alacrity, backing out of the courtyard.

Ahsoka took a running leap off the ramparts, flipping mid-air to land in front of the man. Her swords raised, clearly expecting a trap.

Barriss moved forward, placing a hand on her wife’s arm. “It’s alright. He will keep his word.” Meeting the man’s eyes, she said intently, “If you ever find balance, Commander, you know where to find me.”

He gazed back in sedate amusement. Then, his expression returned to one of polite respect and he gave a pleasant nod. “It’s been a honor, my lady. I look forward to our next encounter.” Then, the unusual man strode past a confused Ahsoka into the garrison.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Looks like we've got Sabine back at long last. Now what?
> 
> Also, any ideas what Thrawn's long game is here? Is he really just dedicated to the logical principles of maintaining a world of peace and security or are there ulterior motives? Seriously, I'm asking for ideas. He's exited stage left, but it's a big universe we've got going here. There's always room for a grand return one day, if he had a reason.


	10. Being There, Having Faith

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the aftermath of rescuing Sabine, both women have to decide how to move forward.

Standing against a nearby tree, Shan observed the odd collection of people. They were definitely a family. _How did that happen?_

Sabine was laughing as Rex told her a story. Obi-Wan was dozing against a nearby rock. Barriss was attempting to cook with an impish Ahsoka moving carefully arranged cooking implements and playfully poking at the fish, much to her wife’s obvious annoyance. Luminara was watching them, a bemused expression on her face. Asajj was polishing a sword, apparently ignoring all of it, while an equally oblivious Leia examined parchments beside her.

The longer she watched, the stronger the aching sadness became. _I want more. More than duty and purpose. More than only erratic visits with Sabine. More than just memories of being loved. I want people I can count on, who love the real me. I want a… family again._ She leaned back against the lonely tree and closed her eyes. _Stop wishing for things you can’t have, Rie._

A tentative voice said, “Hi there.”

Flipping her eyes open, she saw Luke Skywalker standing awkwardly in front of her. “Uh, hi.”

“Sorry if I disturbed you. I just wanted to say hello, while I had the chance. I’ve wanted to meet you for a while now.”

Raising surprised eyebrows, she said, “You have?”

He nodded excitedly. “Yep.”

“Is this another bet about Sabine’s mystery woman? Did I win you some credits?” she asked, feeling a small wave of bitterness.

Luke’s expression filled with confusion. “What?” He glanced at Sabine and then back to her, face clearing. “Wow. You’re her?! This is even better than I thought!”

She stared at him. “Wait. Are you saying you didn’t even know about my relationship with Sabine?”

“I didn’t, but thanks for telling me. I’m pretty sure I actually _have_ won some credits.” He flashed an impish grin.

“Oh, uh,” Shan replied with some chagrin, “then why did you want to meet me?”

“Several reasons. Aunt Ahsoka thinks very highly of you. That’s reason enough. Plus, you’re from Shili. Though, mainly because Leia doesn’t have many friends. I’m not sure I’ve ever met _any._ So, my curiosity on who managed to gain such a position was seriously intense.”

His entire being was sincere and open. _Wow. This one is… earnest._ “Well, I hope I’ve met your expectations. I’m very fond of your sister. Your aunt too, for that matter.”

“Oh!” Luke added with a wince, as if he had forgotten something critical, “and Uncle Rex cares about you very much.”

Warmth glowed at the words. “He and my mother were close friends, I think. It’s hard to remember details from when I was young. It’s more images and feelings. Though, I do remember him swinging me around and putting me in headlocks,” she ended with a grin.

The young man rubbed a hand over his head, apparently massaging phantom pain. “Yeah, he still does that. He said you call him Uncle Rex, as well.”

Her grin spread as more happy warmth surged. “That’s true. I did as a child and I suppose I still think of him that way. Why do you?”

“When I first met Aunt Ahsoka, she told me he was part of our family too. I was raised in a foster home and they treated me like family, but I always wanted more. So, at ten years old I was thrilled to have a new uncle.” An expression of distant sadness surfaced. “I should have better appreciated what I had.” Refocusing, he added, “I have a lot more family now, but he’s definitely still my Uncle Rex.”

Gazing at him for a moment, she asked hesitantly, “What happened to your foster family?”

The sorrowful expression returned. “They were… killed when Palpatine’s soldiers raided the farm. I didn’t ever—well, like I said, I should have been more appreciative.”

The painful regret radiating from the young man was nearly overwhelming and Shan had to stop herself from physically recoiling. The only response she could manage was a weak, “I’m sorry.”

He nodded sadly, but his eyes soon brightened again. “I suppose we all have things we wish were different. That’s why it’s important to remember the good things we do have.”

 _Woah._ The hopeful optimism instantly swept away the earlier sadness and an automatic smile formed on Shan’s face. His personality was so different than Leia’s. Still, they both had a determined perseverance, despite losing everything. _Why?_ “Do you ever feel like you were cheated out of the family and the life you should have had?”

Luke stared at her.

She cringed. “Sorry, I tend to say things before thinking them through.” _It's like you're incapable of having a normal conversation._ “You don’t have to answer.” Her eyes dropped to the ground. _Were you asking him or just yourself?_

A hand touched her arm and she dragged a reluctant gaze back up.

His bright blue eyes shined with sincerity. “It’s ok. I like people who say what they're feeling.”

 _Wow._ There was a rush of happiness at the open acceptance.

“The answer is sort of, but not really. I’m sure that doesn’t make sense.” He grinned engagingly. It reminded her of Ahsoka.

“Nope, sure doesn’t.” She chuckled. “Though, I’m used to not understanding any answer your family throws out.”

Luke snorted. “Yep, bad habit. What I mean is… I wish my father could have been happy and not—” he took a deep breath and then continued, “I wish people like you and Aunt Ahsoka hadn’t lost everything because of it. I wish Shili still existed. I wish I had grown up with my sister. But, in the end, I have the best family I could ever imagine. If I had to trade them for what could have been, I don’t think I could.” His expression drifted off. “If I did, it would be for others, not me.”

Shan gazed at him, astonishment melding into certainty. _He is special. Very special._

A diffident smile appeared, highlighting the boyishness of his face. “Does that answer your question?”

“Yeah, thanks for humoring my impulsive questions. I’m glad you found a new family.” Her mind again started wandering through impossible wishes.

Considering her for a moment, he asked, “Have you ever been assigned to a bonded squad? One who would do anything for each other? Where everyone seems to have understood shared values?”

Shan smiled ruefully. “Quite often. It’s challenging to be the outsider, but that type of squad operates very effectively. So, they end up being used for special, short-term missions I am assigned to run.”

“Exactly,” Luke replied, “I was part of one like that when I was younger. I was confused a lot, since everyone assumes you know what they mean.” His expression turned distantly happy. “But, even as an inexperienced shiny, I knew my squad would do anything for me. No matter what happened, we had each other, you know? It was one of the best experiences of my life.”

The wistful longing returned. “I always thought it would be. I was never permanently assigned to a squad like that, though.”

Hands gripped her shoulders. “Picture our family like that. We have shared experiences and classified intel. Mistakes can cost the lives of our squadmates, so we tend to not share things with outsiders. Our loyalty is first and foremost to each other. We share the same core values, though we all have different approaches and personalities. We’re just a bonded squad that stays together and supports each other their entire lives. Does that make sense?”

She nodded with sudden clarity. “That is actually one of the few explanations I’ve gotten that _does_ make sense in the last week.”

The young man laughed. “I told you, everyone assumes you understand! However, what I’m really trying to say is… you are the shiny.” An earnest gaze met hers meaningfully.

Shan blinked repeatedly. “Uh, what?”

Luke raised an impish eyebrow. “You know what I mean. Whether you want the assignment or not, you’ve got it now.”  

She couldn’t even think of a response. _Maybe, he’s delusional from lack of sleep._

There was an understanding sigh. “I can see you are completely refusing to accept the possibility. Unfortunately, I’m not sure I can explain it. You can’t define what makes someone family. They just are. Hmm, I guess I’ll have to try some practical examples.”

Cocking a bemused head, Shan said, “Yeah, maybe you should get some rest? You can always try to convince me tomorrow,” she ended with a tone that clearly said that wasn’t going to happen.

Exasperated eyes shot skyward. “Ok, listen. You were told intel reserved for family. You have deep connections to us, like Sabine, Leia, Aunt Ahsoka, Uncle Rex, and Shili. We’re a family of lost people who needed a place to belong, really, just like you. Plus, you risked everything to rescue Sabine when we needed you most and showed faith in doing it. Being there and having faith—that’s what family means in this squad.”

Doubt fixed firmly in Shan’s mind. At the same time, the idea crept almost unwillingly into her heart. _What if I could have a family again? Is that all it takes to be a part of this one? Being there and having faith?_

“It’s not just me,” he continued, “ask any of them. They’ll tell you the same thing. In fact, I suspect they’ll be surprised at the question. They will think it is obvious.” An engaging grin flashed as supportive hands squeezed her shoulders one last time.

Turning to walk away, Luke added warmly, “Welcome to our squad, Riela Shan.”

_______

Sabine stretched herself across the warm body, tucking a face into Shan’s neck. Running fingers across the thin chemise and down the woman’s bare shoulder, she whispered, “I can’t wait to get you away from all of these people, so I can thank you properly for rescuing me.”

There was a happy murmur in reply as a hand took hers, brushing it across soft lips repeatedly.

Now feeling nearly uncontrollable impulses, Sabine pulled her hand away. “If you don’t stop that, I’m going to lose it right here in front of our entire family.”

The body underneath her stiffened.

Sabine lifted her head up with concern. “Hey, I was just teasing. Well mostly, you really are testing my self-control,” she added with suggestive eyebrows.

Gray eyes flickered strangely, but there was no response.

“Ok, you’re worrying me.” Sabine leaned over her, struggling to keep her voice down and not wake anyone. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing is wrong exactly. It was just—well, you said you’d lose it in front of our entire family.”

“I did? Ok, and…?”

Now, the opposing eyes held disbelief. “Sabine. You said _our_ family.”

Trying to figure out what in the world she was getting at, Sabine thought furiously. “Um, right…” she trailed off, attempting to work it out, fingers tapping against Shan’s collarbone. _No. Gods, they didn’t tell her. Force it all._ “Oh Rie, I am so stupid. I assumed they had explained or asked you.” Sabine locked an intent gaze on her. “You’re part of our family, now.”

Getting no immediate response, she continued, “I can't explain how it happened, since I wasn't there. But, it's obvious it has. Just the fact that you're still with us post-mission would never happen if you weren't, for example. Plus, Leia said as much in the garrison. You were there, remember? I thought that meant you knew.” _Good job, family. You adopt my girlfriend while I’m imprisoned and then don’t bother to tell her?!_

A mouth opened and then closed again as Shan’s expression went blank.

 _Wait, what if she doesn’t want to be?_ Anxiety rising exponentially, Sabine began rambling, “I mean if you don’t—it’s not required or anything. I understand if you don’t, because it’s a big commitment and, um, change and—well, I’m sure this seems strange, huh? We're kind of an unusual family and I know—I’m not—” Forcing herself to a stop, she took a deep breath and said, “Do you want to be?”

A soft voice asked, “Do you want me to be?”

Wild thoughts cascaded. _Is she asking because she doesn’t, but wants to make me happy? Or, is she not sure if I want her to be? Or, another reason? What’s the right answer? Stop. It’s about her, not you._ Tracing fingers over Shan’s forehead, Sabine said, “I only want you to be happy, whether that means being part of our family or not. Your happiness is what matters most to me. Either way, your family is yours. They consider you family because of who you are, not because of me.”

A multitude of emotions seemed to be flying through the exquisite face. Then, the expression settled into a absent smile. “Apparently, Luke wasn’t as delusional as I thought.”

“Ok.” Sabine stared nervously. “Is that a yes or a no? I’m not understanding.” _Please say yes._

“Oh, you mean I’m giving vague, unhelpful answers to questions and causing more confusion in the process?” Shan flashed a teasing grin. “Isn’t that what we do in this family?”

Joyful relief blossomed and Sabine couldn’t stop a chuckle that soon turned into a laugh. _You’re going to wake everyone up!_ But, Shan started laughing as well and there was no hope of stopping. They desperately put their hands over each other’s mouths, trying to deaden the sound.

A groggy voice said, “Um, it’s nice you two are reunited and all. The rest of us would like to sleep.”

There were several sleepy murmurs of agreement around the fire.

The two women glanced over at an annoyed Ahsoka, laughter worsening. The more they tried to stop the louder it seemed to become.

An unexpected snort sounded nearby as Luke choked out, “Quit it! You’re making me do it now!”

Leia piped up in an imperious tone, “Well, I’m perfectly fine over here. Perhaps, I should give you all a course in princess training, so you’ll know how to properly behave in the aftermath of a fight for our lives.” Of course, that made everything worse and even Leia couldn’t hold back a delicate laugh.

A tired exhale came from Barriss. “This is the last time we bring the kids on a rescue mission.”

There were snorts from half of the group and increased levels of laughter from the other half.

Asajj growled. “The next time one of you is captured, I'm going to pretend to lose the message.”

A sardonic Obi-Wan raised a head and then glanced at Luminara, “We’re getting too old for this sort of thing. I think we should retire and force our family to come visit us, instead of running around the planet at their beckon call, only to be kept up all night as a reward.”

The woman gave an exaggerated sigh and curled herself up on his chest. “They’d never visit, my love. They’re terrible at elder support. We’d probably fall down some steps and bleed out before anyone thought to check on us.”

Ahsoka groaned. “Gods, I’m never going to get any sleep if you people keep this up!”

“And the rest of us are?” Barriss asked dryly.

There was a superior grin in the responding voice. “I’m not terribly concerned about anyone but myself at the present moment.” There was a soft thud and then an “Ow!” A more subdued voice said, “I was just joking, my dear.”

A sudden snore erupted from Rex as he flipped over, apparently oblivious to the chaos around him.

There was a moment of silence, before now deafening laughter rang out across the forest.

_______

Shan gazed at the peacefully sleeping woman. _Gods, she is so beautiful._ Quietly snapping her gauntlets into place, she picked up her chest plate. Unwilling to complete the last step yet, Shan leaned it against the side of the bed.

Sitting down on the edge, she ran gentle fingers across Sabine’s cheek. _I love you. I know I’ve never said it, but I do. So much._ Saying it implied a commitment she had always been afraid to give. Once she was committed, it would be all over. When Sabine disappeared one day, Shan would be lost. Though, this time felt different. The last week had given her hope and apparently a family. _Being there and having faith. Huh. Maybe, I’ve already committed? If that’s true… why not all in?_

Eyelids fluttered open and sienna eyes slowly focused on her. Then, they widened at seeing Shan’s appearance and Sabine immediately sat up. “You’re leaving this morning? I thought it would be later. Much later,” she ended sadly.

Grimacing in apology, Shan said, “I know. I wish I could stay longer than a night. But, I have a duty to face the consequences.”

Sabine exhaled in disappointment, but then fixed guilt-filled eyes on her. “I didn’t just interrupt our time, I ruined it. Now, you might be punished because of me. I am _so_ sorry.”

Shan cupped Sabine’s cheeks. “Please, don't be upset. It wasn’t your fault. Actually, it was one of the best experiences of my entire life.” She was momentarily startled by her own choice of words. _It really was._

“Um, it was?”

“Yes. I don’t think I can even explain why. Though, I can definitely say I wouldn’t trade it for anything.” Flashing a snarky smile, she added, “Well, except for the serious pain and suffering caused by worrying about you. That I never, ever want again.”

Sabine’s mouth opened and then slammed shut again.

 _What was that?_ “Anyway, thanks for a making it memorable!”

A grin started to form, but then disappeared. “I wish we had more time.” Eyes traced a path along Shan’s face, as if they were trying to memorize every line of it.

“Me too.” _I wish we had forever. Oh, how I love you._ Rubbing thumbs over the delicate cheeks, Shan hesitated. “Sabine, I want to tell you something. But, I’m not sure if you want to hear it.”

Hands reached up to hers, pulling them away and kissing each of the palms in turn. She weaved their fingers together and placed them on the bed. “Will it make you happy to tell me?”

“I think so.”

“Then, tell me.” A nervous gaze met hers. “Even if its bad, I want to hear it. I only want you to be happy.”

Blazing warmth kindled inside her heart. “I don’t deserve you.”

“Is that what you wanted to tell me? Because, I can unequivocally say that’s not true at all.” Sabine grinned.

Shan chuckled. “No, but it is true.”

Lips brushed across hers. “So not true.”

“Whatever. Though, what I want to say is kind of related.”

The hands intertwined with her own stiffened and Sabine looked away, but not before Shan saw pain flashing.

Immediately worried, she said, “What’s wrong? What did I say?”

A head quickly twisted back. “Nothing. I’m sorry. Go ahead. Or, I can make it easier. I know it’s been hard to deal with my life as a rebel and never really being together, even when we are. This time only proves the point. I just can’t be anyone else. It’s who I am. And, now I've put you in danger for the rest of your life. I'm trying to say don’t feel guilty about it. You’ve dealt with a lot already, so I understand why you might not want to dig yourself deeper.”

 _She can’t think…? Oh Gods, she does._ Jerking her hands up, Shan placed both of them on Sabine’s face. “No, it’s nothing like that. I’m sorry if I made you feel like I might ever give up on us. That is so not happening.”

The woman’s expression filled with deep relief and then confusion. “Wait, what did you want to tell me then?”

Anchoring to the beautiful face, Shan took a deep breath, holding her voice steady. “I love you.”

Eyes widened and then burned with intensity. Hands wrapped around Shan’s head as Sabine thrust fierce lips into hers, not letting go.

A feeling of incredible completeness washed over her, from the statement or the response Shan didn’t know. After a few blissful moments, an underlying nervousness started surfacing. _What does this mean now? You can't even pretend this is casual anymore._ Pulling back, she asked hesitantly, “So, I guess it was the right choice to tell you?”

Still trailing caressing lips over Shan’s neck, Sabine murmured, “Absolutely.” Then, the woman jumped up and ran across the room.

Rummaging in her bag, she clasped something in a fist and sat back down on the bed. “I had intended this for the end of our week together. Then, things went off the rails and I—well, I didn’t know if you would want it.”

Sabine presented an object the size of her thumb. A bluish metal had been shaped into three twisted parts, resembling a tiny bird of prey. The long, thin middle section ended in a beak-like appendage at one end and a tail feather on the other. The other two metal strands ran parallel on each side, spreading from the body like powerful wings. The beak was attached to a sturdy, metal chain as if it had captured its prey. The entire effect was breathtaking.

A soft voice said, “It’s a jai'galaar, otherwise known as a Mandalorian shriek-hawk. It’s the ancient symbol of House Vizsla, the house my clan belongs to.”

Shan ran reverent fingers over it, the feeling of completeness rushing through her once more. _Wow._ Dragging her gaze from the entrancing necklace to the equally entrancing woman it symbolized, she whispered, “It’s beautiful.”

“Like you.” A tender hand stroked her cheek. “I wanted you to remember that even when I’m not with you, I really am.” Taking the necklace, Sabine fastened it around Shan’s neck, tucking it against the bare skin under her tunic. Looking back up, her entire presence radiated an earnest intensity. “Because, it’s true. I’m always with you… I love you _so_ much.”

Tears of joy spilled out as Shan gazed at the woman she loved. _The woman who loves me._ Running disbelieving fingers over the chain around her neck, she murmured, “You are so much more than incredible.” Grabbing Sabine, she locked their lips together passionately, pushing her back onto the bed. _I am definitely not leaving this morning._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Looks like we're finally getting our gals on the road to stability!  
> But, really Sabine? You are so endearingly bad at this. Yet, somehow perfect at the same time. Huh.  
> Though, I'm beginning to think Luke is the only person with any common sense in this family.


	11. Changing Realities

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shan and Sabine face the consequences of commitment.

“I see,” Waxer stated flatly.

Shan remained at attention, trying to show no fear at the intimidating gaze.

There was a brief silence and then the captain ordered, “Come with me, Lieutenant.”

She marched behind him, thoughts in disarray. The full confession of the actions she had taken in her time away had been met with remarkable calm by the man. Rebellion sympathizer or not, she had endangered Chandrila and been absent without leave. It deserved some punishment. _Maybe, he’s escorting me to a cell?_

The confusion intensified as they entered the royal chambers, passing into the inner office of the Sovereign Master. Waxer paused at the door, knocking respectfully.

“Come,” called a regal voice.

They entered, both standing at attention.

“Ah, I see you have rejoined us, Lieutenant,” Mon Mothma remarked.

“Yes, ma’am,” she replied in the clipped, respectful tone of a royal guard. It didn’t really require a response, but Shan gave one anyway. _Why am I here?_

Switching her gaze to Waxer, the ruler raised questioning eyebrows.

He nodded. “As we thought, my lady.”

Shan tried to hide her surprise at the statement.

The Sovereign fixed her with a bemused expression. “Very well. You may leave us, Captain. Thank you.”

Waxer saluted, shooting Shan a stern look that more than suggested she had better behave in an appropriate manner during his absence.

Since she had no idea what this was about, Shan simply stared back at him in confused anxiety.

An almost imperceptible smile formed at the edges of his mouth as he pivoted from the room.

“Have a seat.” Mon Mothma waved to the chair in front of her desk. 

Eyes widening, she hesitated. Royal guards didn’t sit in the presence of their Sovereign Master. Seeing the eyes across from her narrow, Shan swiftly perched on the edge of the seat, maintaining a posture as close to military attention as possible.

“So,” the woman said, “you’ve been aiding and abetting rebels while on leave. Or, rather, extending your own leave to do so?”

Swallowing tightly, Shan replied, “Yes, my lady.”

“Why?” The question was delivered without emotion.

“I—,” she paused, unsure how to explain everything. “Several reasons. The most important one being that I’m in love with one.”

“And, the other reasons?” There was no apparent consternation at the confession.

Risking a look, Shan found the face held nothing but calm interest. Feeling somewhat assured, she said, “I suppose there are three reasons. The first is as I told you. The woman I love was captured by the Emperor’s forces. I chose to aid in her rescue.”

Getting no response, she continued, “I also realized that I had, perhaps, been on the sidelines too long. I am dedicated to your protection and Chandrila’s. However, I learned new information that forced me to conclude standing by and letting evil flourish unopposed may not be the best way to protect Chandrila in the long run. We must be in a better position to fight it, when it comes.” _I’m telling her how to do her job, now. I'm so going to be kicked out of the army._

Mon Mothma’s reply was thoughtful. “What kind of information?”

Fluctuating for a moment, Shan considered what could be told without endangering people she cared about.

As if sensing her reluctance, the woman added, “You may find I know more than you think, Lieutenant.”

_I was right. She is actively involved in the rebellion. That means she likely knows at least one thing._ Trying to keep her voice even, Shan stated, “Anakin Skywalker lives and still serves Palpatine.”

She nodded. “And, why is that important?”

Shan stared at her in disbelief, momentarily forgetting who she was addressing. “He’s destroyed entire kingdoms, mine included. The man is practically unstoppable. If he comes for us, we have to be ready. The best option is to neutralize the threat, before it appears at our doorstep.” Remembering herself, she added in a more respectful tone, “Of course, that is only my opinion, Sovereign.”

There could have been amusement in the bland expression, but it was hard to tell. “You have very decided opinions for a young warrior.”

Grimacing, Shan said, “It’s a bad habit of mine, my lady. One I’ve been unable to break.” Returning to a formal tone of address, she continued, “However, that doesn’t mean I’m not a loyal warrior of Chandrila, dedicated to its prosperity and protection. My concerns stem from that commitment.”

Mon Mothma assessed her for a moment. “Would you say your first loyalty is to Chandrila, to the world as a whole, or to this woman?”

Shan jolted in horrified shock. _How can she ask me to choose between duty and love?_ Feeling anger at being put in the position, she clenched her teeth. “With all due respect, ma’am, that is an unfair question.”

Impassive eyes looked back. “Is it?”

“Yes. Do you ask every warrior who serves you whether they would be willing to sacrifice the people they love or even the world around them? Or, do you accept they are honorable soldiers who will do their duty as best they are capable?”

The woman smiled slightly. “A valid point. However, it assumes the answer I'm looking for requires you to prioritize Chandrila. I may simply be curious. Also, not many warriors occasionally disobey orders or stage rescue missions of rebels.”

Giving a small wince, Shan admitted, “True. I can only say that I am a protector, my lady. I became a warrior to protect this kingdom and its people. I will follow through with that commitment to the death, if necessary. However, I can’t stop being a protector in other areas of my life. That is who I am and is the only answer I can give.”

The ruler nodded, seeming satisfied with the response. “Very well. And, the final reason?”

Hesitating briefly, Shan considered. _Saying it means I’m all in. Being there and having faith._ She pushed forward with sudden decision. “My family is part of the Rebellion.” _Wow, I said it. Rie, you have a family._ She couldn’t help a small grin at the thought.

For the first time, the woman’s expression changed, something verging on astonishment jumping into her eyes. It was quickly gone, however. “Indeed. I was not aware of that.”

Smiling ruefully, Shan said, “Neither was I.” She left the answer vague. _One week with a new family and you’re already picking up their bad habits._ If her career wasn’t hanging in the balance, she would have laughed.

“Ah,” was the simple reply. The intelligent eyes grew distant and seemed contemplative.

Waiting patiently, Shan’s gaze wandered around the room. Suddenly, she fixed on something in the corner. _Is that what I think it is?_ Jerking her eyes back to the occupant of the desk, she jumped.

The Sovereign was observing her carefully. “See something interesting, Lieutenant?”

“Uh, sort of, ma’am,” she answered noncommittally.

An eyebrow raised, clearly expecting an answer.

“You have a statue of a jai'galaar. It caught my attention is all.”

Eyes widened as the woman glanced at the object. “Yes. It was a gift from… someone. Not many people know what it is, much less its name in Mando'a.” The unspoken question was clear.

“Oh, is that right?” she said as innocently as possible.

“I can see you don’t intend to tell me how you became one of them,” the Sovereign commented wryly.

She grimaced. “I apologize, my lady. It would require potentially endangering… someone.”

A small smile graced the regal face. “That is an answer I will accept.” She added airily, “I hope Clan Wren is appreciative of your discretion.”

Shan’s expression froze for a split second, before she forced it to impassivity.

The smile grew wider. “Let’s talk, Riela Shan. I think I have an opportunity you may be interested in. One which will allow you to fulfill your duty to Chandrila, your family, and to your own conscience.”

_______

Sabine shuffled into the family sitting room. Slumping into an armchair by the fire, she stared blankly at it. As if things weren’t already miserable enough in the two weeks since Shan had left, Sabine had inexplicably been recalled from Corellia.

Given the rest of Phoenix Squadron was still on assignment, it made no sense. She had nothing to do at headquarters at the moment. The lack of employment since arriving yesterday was driving her to distraction. It also left too much time to dwell on things she didn’t currently have.

Glinting silver eyes floated into existence. Sabine’s automatic smile morphed into misery. _Gods, I miss her so much._ It was worse than usual. _I suppose this is what happens when you officially commit to someone you never see._

“Well, I can tell you’re happy to be home,” a dry voice commented.

Twisting around in her chair, Sabine smiled weakly at Ahsoka. “Sorry, just ignore my irrational moodiness.”

The woman leaned on the back of the chair, placing supportive hands on her shoulders and kissing the top of her head. “I actually do understand, my dear.”

The words and the comforting presence soothed Sabine’s mood and she chuckled. “Oh, I know you do.” Grinning up at Ahsoka impishly, she said, “Are you under the impression that you and Barriss aren’t the most super obvious, bordering on annoying, ridiculously in love couple on the planet or something?”

Lifting a hand, Ahsoka clipped her ear sharply.

“Ow!”

“That’s what you get for making fun of your elders!”

Sabine rubbed her stinging ear, but laughed. “Whatever.”

“Anyway, I have a surprise for you, if you can manage to quit moping for two seconds.”

Gazing at her warily, Sabine said, “What kind of surprise?”

Ahsoka’s expression turned innocent. “A good one, of course.”

“Nothing personal, but the last time you had a surprise for me it ended with us running for our lives from a bunch of crazed gamorreans. Oh, and a rancor.”

“Hey,” the woman cried, “that was fun! No appreciation, I tell you. I don’t know why I even bother trying to make your life more exciting.”

Sabine replied dryly, “I think I have plenty of excitement already, thanks.”

“Fine, if you don’t want the surprise, I’ll just deliver the bad news to Barriss.”

Looking up quickly, Sabine straightened. “Barriss is in on this surprise?”

“Um, yeah. Does that make some kind of difference?”

She jumped up. “Yep. It means it's likely to be less… fun.”

Producing a truly masterful expression of wounded pride, Ahsoka remarked, “Well, I see where I stand.”

Trying to hold back a grin, she replied in an overly serious tone, “Only in terms of surprises that aren’t life threatening.”

Ahsoka grabbed Sabine around the neck and started dragging her from the room. “We’ll see about that, my unappreciative girl!”

_______

Rubbing her neck in annoyance, Sabine walked into the office. “Barriss, next time you have a surprise for me, would you please not send Ahsoka? I’m going to be sore for a week.” She shot a glare at the woman walking in behind her.

Flashing an engaging grin, Ahsoka crossed the room to a cloaked figure Sabine hadn’t noticed. “I don’t know what you mean, my dear. I’m great at surprises.”

Barriss snorted. “Don't worry, Sabine. I promise this surprise won’t involve running from a pack of unhinged gamorreans. Oh, and no rancors will be involved.”

“Really?! Come on, that was one time. Are you two ever going to let that go?” Ahsoka complained petulantly.

“Nope.” Barriss grinned, blue eyes shining.

Ahsoka grinned back at her wife adoringly.

“What did I tell you?” Sabine gave an exaggerated eye roll. “You two are the worst. I’m standing right here. As is this poor, put-upon person you have yet to identify.” She waved toward the cloaked figure. “I’m sure he or she would prefer not to watch you stare into each other’s eyes all day long.”

“You're one to talk,” Ahsoka retorted. “Do you know how many days I had to watch you and a certain person do exactly that when you first met? You nearly killed yourself you were so distracted. I don’t want to hear anymore about it!”

Sabine smiled distantly for a moment, thinking of the aforementioned woman, before the sadness returned. Trying to push it away, she said lightly, “I come by it honestly, I suppose.”

Barriss chuckled. “Very true. In any case, I’d like you to meet our new liaison. Her job is to relay information between us and the rebellion leadership in her kingdom. This will require regular check-ins and integration into intel operations at both ends. She’ll be assigned as one of your contacts. However, it may also require an advisory role in time-sensitive decisions. In those situations, she will interface directly with me.”

“Ok,” Sabine said in confusion, “I don’t usually manage those kind of contacts. What if I’m on an extended mission?”

Barriss shrugged. “I expect you to prioritize the liaison meetings. When that is not possible, you are to hand-off to myself or Ahsoka only.”

_I take it back. I think I’d rather be running from a rancor._ “Um, are you sure there aren’t more appropriate people for this kind of assignment?”

“I’m certain.” The reply was flat and said further argument was pointless.

This was clearly an important contact. Being chosen meant Barriss had complete faith in Sabine, which was pleasing. It just also meant less flexibility. _I really hope Shan doesn’t get leave during one of these meetings._ “Yes, ma’am,” she stated, unable to hide the resignation in her voice.

An amused smile crossed Barriss’ face, before it turned impassive. “Good. Ahsoka and I have a briefing to do. We’ll let you two discuss your routine and communication system. I’ll meet you both back here in… an hour?”

“Two hours, at least, my dear,” Ahsoka said disapprovingly. “Or, perhaps you have forgotten how these things go? Do I need to stage an intervention and a trip to the outer regions?”

Laughing at some apparently secret joke, Barriss said softly, “My apologies, two hours it is.” Finally tearing eyes away from her wife, she nodded at Sabine.

Ahsoka offered an arm and they strolled out the door with mischievous smiles.

Sabine stared after them. _They have gone over the edge._ Turning back to the contact, she said, “They’re not usually that weird, sorry.”

The figure moved closer and remarked, “Are you sure about that? Because, I’m pretty sure they are.”

She froze in place, joy creeping into her soul. _Not possible. Oh Gods. Please, let it be real._

Removing her hood, Shan said airily, “So, we have two hours. What shall we do for fun? I'm fresh out of rancors, but I'm sure we can think of something.”

Jerking herself into amazing reality, she took three quick steps forward, placing a hand on the woman’s face. “You’re really here. This is real. How?”

Wrapping arms around Sabine’s neck, Shan ran soft lips over hers. “What do you say we save the explanation for later? We’re on a timetable here, my incredible rebel contact, who I just so happen to love. Wow. Isn’t that a lucky coincidence?”

Grinning with stupid levels of happiness, Sabine kissed every inch of the exquisite face, before saying, “Allow me to give you a tour, you adorable woman of my dreams.” Pulling her out of the office, Sabine sprinted Shan down the hall to her bedroom.

_______

Two hours and seven minutes later, Barriss re-entered her office to find two very happy people grinning at her from the settee.

Smiling warmly, she said, “Well, are we all set?” Crossing the room, she lowered herself into the armchair across from them.

Shan nodded. “Absolutely.” 

“However,” Sabine added intently, “we do have some questions for you.”

Quirking an eyebrow, Barriss leaned back in her chair. “Yes?”

“Has there always been a direct liaison?” Shan asked.

“No,” Barriss admitted, “but it has been discussed many times. We are forced to rely on coded messages or physical meetings to coordinate, problematic in several regards.”

“Then, why now?” The unspoken question of why me was clearly indicated.

“We lacked an appropriate person to fill the role. The skill set required is extensive. It also needs someone who is committed to the protection of Chandrila and the Rebellion, but can balance the two worlds effectively. A plausible reason to interact with both is preferred, as well. More importantly, both parties are extremely particular about who they trust. Finding someone who met this criteria was extremely difficult.”

Sabine grinned, taking Shan’s hand and kissing it. “See. Told you.”

The woman glanced between them and then said diffidently, “I’m honored.” Pausing, Shan fixed Barriss with curious eyes. “How did she know you would accept me in the role?”

Barriss gave her an impressed smile. “You, my observant girl, are perfect for this job. I sent a message telling her so, before you returned to Chandrila.”

She nodded, obviously expecting the response. “I wonder why they bothered—oh, of course, testing me.”

Sabine and Barriss looked at her in mild confusion.

Shaking her head, Shan grinned. “Not important.” Then, meeting Barriss’ eyes, she said, “Thank you for having faith in me.”

Rising from her seat, Barriss leaned over the young woman, kissing the top of her head. “That’s what we do in this family, my dear.”  

The smile she got in return was brilliant.

Continuing in a more formal tone, Barriss added, “I’ll need a write-up of your contact strategy, including proposed meeting locations, signals, and schedule. Get that to me by tomorrow morning, so I can review it.”

Both women nodded agreement.

“Beyond that,” she continued, “we’ll concentrate on orienting you to our protocols and a few smaller items over the next week. Otherwise, you’re free to spend the rest of your time here as you wish. Though, keep yourself cloaked when ranging outside of the family quarters.”

Two excited grins shined back at her and Barriss waved a hand. “Alright, go on. I’ve got work to do.”

They jumped up and hurried to the door.

“Oh,” she called out after them, “don’t forget to show up for family dinner tonight.”

Sabine grimaced with annoyance, but Shan gazed at her happily. “Yes, ma’am.”

Barriss sat down at her desk with an extremely satisfied smile as they ran out of the room.

_______

Sabine watched Shan laugh at Obi-Wan’s terrible recreation of Ahsoka’s supposed fight with a krayt dragon. _Gods, I love you._ She tucked legs underneath her body and shifted to lay on the woman’s shoulder. _I’m at home, spending time with my family, while the woman I love sits next to me._ _If life could be like this everyday it would be absolutely perfect._

Shan took the hand laying on her arm and interweaved their fingers as she continued to watch Obi-Wan in apparent fascination.

When he finally finished, Luminara commented dryly, “That, my love, was one of the most unique impressions of a krayt dragon I have ever seen.”

The man nodded with dramatic seriousness. “Indeed. I think I truly captured the spirit of the creature. Besides, I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I disappointed our inquisitive Shan with a subpar story about a young, overly ambitious Ahsoka.”

Looking a bit awkward, Shan said, “I appreciate you humoring my curiosity, Master Kenobi, but you really don’t have to go to all the trouble of recreating events.”

Obi-Wan placed a hand over his heart with a wounded expression. “This is unacceptable, Riela Shan. First, you don’t want me to display my superb reenactment skills and then you add insult to injury by calling me Master Kenobi, as if I’m some kind of ancient relic.”

Luminara quirked an eyebrow. “Would you like me to correct the representation of your skill level and non-relic status?”

The man glared at her. “Absolutely not.” He looked back at Shan. “Seriously, call me Obi-Wan.”

“I’ll see what I can do,” the young woman replied with a tentative smile.

Sabine snorted. “That means ‘so not happening’, by the way.”

Shan gritted teeth. “You didn’t have to tell him that!”

Luminara chuckled. “Get used to it. No one in this family passes up a chance to say exactly what you don’t want them to.”

There was a resigned exhale from Shan. “I’m learning that.”

Sabine glanced up with sudden concern. _Does that really bother her? Maybe, I should stop?_

“That’s because honest communication is important,” Obi-Wan opined. “So, if you won’t say it, someone else takes care of it. No charge for family.” He raised impish eyebrows.

The shoulder she was leaning on tensed and Sabine grew even more concerned. Interjecting quickly, she remarked, “How did we get from a krayt dragon to philosophical commentary exactly?”

Luminara’s mouth curved into a wry grin. “It’s called Obi-Wan Kenobi, my dear.”

Even Obi-Wan laughed at that one and the conversation turned to other topics. Sabine couldn’t seem to focus, though. A feeling of worrying uncertainty was rising. The small interaction was contorting into massive proportions. _I don’t know how to do this._

This relationship had become even more complicated. Committing was one thing. Managing everyday life was another. It wasn’t just the two of them hiding from reality, anymore. There were additional dynamics and new issues to manage. It was going to get even more complex when Phoenix returned. _This is real, now. I need to make her happy in more than one way. How do I do that?_

Looking back up, she saw Shan staring at her anxiously. “Uh, everything ok? You seem distracted.”

Sabine gave a supportive smile and rubbed fingers over their interlocked hands. “I think” she whispered, “you underestimate your ability to distract me, my adorable lieutenant.”

There was an eye roll. “You are incorrigible.” The woman hesitated, before saying, “You would tell me if something was wrong, though, right?”

_As long as it doesn’t make you unhappy._ “Only,” Sabine replied, “if you promise to tell me the same thing.”

Shan gazed at her, fingers twitching slightly in Sabine’s grip. Then, she simply nodded.

_Not very convincing._ Her anxiety increased. _Do something._ “Speaking of,” Sabine continued, trying another tact, “tell me if you get tired of family time. We can always find things to do on our own.” She flashed a devilish grin.

A pleased smile formed. “Oh, that is so gonna happen.” Then, soft lips kissed her fingers and the woman returned to the conversation.

The muscles Sabine was laying against relaxed and she let out a sigh of relief. _I need help._ The thought surprised her. _Huh, that’s new._ Still, Sabine was going to make absolutely certain she didn’t mess this up. And, if that meant asking for help, that’s exactly what she would do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You may or may not have noticed this story is actually broken up into three acts. I didn't label it as such, but that's how it was written. I wrote three different connected stories originally then reworked them into a single story. However, some of the original themes for each story remain. Part 1 was a simple exploration of how people can isolate themselves. Part 2 was an experiment in writing a whirlwind romance, entitled ‘Young and Foolish’. The bulk is Part 3 and had a working title of ‘Balancing Act’. As such, each part has a bit of a different feel and new problems to overcome, based out of the progressing character/relationship development. Random info on the story construction, if anyone is the least bit interested! 
> 
> Overall, this chapter was originally twice as long. I ended up splitting it at the last minute. It was way more than I usually stuff into one chapter. Plus, the first section was primarily plot development with the change in situation. The second half focused more on Sabine figuring out how to 'do' a real relationship and settling into it with her family. I think it ended up better split apart. We can deal with Sabine's issues next chapter and Shan's + wrap-up in the final chapter. 
> 
> Yeah, now I'm just rambling about technical choices. Time to stop!


	12. Shared Happiness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sabine finds everything is better than she ever imagined, while Shan takes it all in.  
> In the meantime, Hera and Ezra finally get rewarded for their longsuffering dedication.

Sabine's gaze followed Shan and Barriss as they exited the sitting room. Slumping back against the settee, she closed worried eyes.

“Well, my dear, are you planning on telling us the problem?” 

Eyes jerking open, she saw a concerned Luminara and Obi-Wan across from her. “Oh. Um, I don’t know that there’s a problem exactly.”

They maintained their expectant stare.

Giving them a guilty smile, she said, “Fine. I guess I’m not sure how to deal with everything.”

“Define everything,” Luminara stated.

_Good question._ Sabine considered. “This is new for both of us, but especially Shan. She hasn’t had a family in a long time. It’s a big change in environment, not to mention her new role. Plus, when we’ve been together in the past, it was only us. Now, there’s no escaping real life for a few days, alone in a temporary guest house. I want to make sure she’s happy with all of it, but I don’t know how.”

Obi-Wan said, “This might seem personal, but we need to understand the state of things in order to help. I assume you’ve told Shan you love her?”

Sabine started, but answered, “Yeah.” She added with a pleased grin, “And, she loves me.”

“Did that come with a commitment?” he asked calmly.

She nodded an awkward affirmative.

The man gave her a broad smile. “In that case, you don’t have nearly as big a problem as you think.”

A sliver of hope flashed. “What do you mean?”

Luminara answered the question, “A truly committed relationship can handle most anything.”

“In other words,” Obi-Wan added, “it’s only a matter of following through.”

Feeling a bit irritated, Sabine grimaced. “Yeah, that’s kinda the problem. I don’t know how to follow through.”

“Ah,” Luminara said. Rising from her chair, she sat on the settee next to Sabine. “I see the problem. You think the change in situation means you have to do something different.”

“Don’t I?” the young woman asked in confusion.

“Depends on the relationship dynamics already in place,” Obi-Wan responded. He looked thoughtful for a moment. “Would you say you and Shan communicate well?” 

Averting her eyes, Sabine shrugged. “Not always. I had to hide everything about my life for so long, some things I never talk about. Plus, I think sometimes Rie held back what she was feeling. Since I wasn’t able to be open, I didn’t feel comfortable pushing her.” A thin hand took hers and Sabine swung her gaze to Luminara.

“Understandable,” the woman said gently. “However, that’s not true anymore. You asked how to follow through and that’s it. Commitment to make things work means you have to talk about everything. That could include your own personal issues, challenges to your relationship, or even how your day went.”

Obi-Wan put in, “What I said earlier was true. One of the reasons our family is strongly bonded is because we understand each other. That comes from being honest, even when it hurts. Commitment becomes so much simpler with communication.” He glanced at Luminara with a sad smile.

Luminara gazed back at him, momentary pain crossing her face. “Indeed.” Refocusing on Sabine, she continued, “It was a lesson we learned the hard way, my dear. Please, don’t repeat our mistakes.”

Sabine looked between them, interest peaked. Luminara and Obi-Wan’s story was a mystery that had never gotten a proper answer. _Focus. This is not the time._ Trying to sound confident, she replied, “Ok, I’ll keep it in mind.”

There was silence for a moment and then Luminara said, “Sabine, I know how difficult it is to trust someone else with your heart. The fear of rejection, betrayal, or mistakes is sometimes paralyzing. Don’t let it stop you. Fight the instinct to protect yourself. It’s a normal reaction and might seem like the rational choice. Don’t be rational with the person you love. Otherwise, you’ll end up in the place you are trying to avoid.”

Eyes widening, Sabine was unable to think of a response. It was obvious Luminara had just revealed something incredibly personal. _She really wants me to listen._

Obi-Wan took a deep breath. “If you do give Shan everything, you’ll find yourself happier than you ever thought possible. Having someone who truly understands you, someone you can depend on completely, someone to talk through anything with is… absolutely perfect.”

Tears pooled in Luminara’s eyes and Sabine swallowed hard. _I don’t think I’ve ever seen her cry._ “I understand. I’ll work on it.” She added in a more decisive tone, “I promise.”

There were two relieved exhales and then Obi-Wan grinned. “Excellent.”

Luminara’s hand tightened around hers. “Don’t forget we’re always here. If you run into issues or aren’t sure about something, you know where to find us. Believe me, we’ve probably had the same problem.”

_I have help. I can handle this._ Comforting surety settled over her and a happy smile formed. “Thanks.”

_______

Shan sighed happily as lips trailed down her neck. A slender body shifted on top of hers and she murmured, “I love you.”

A grinning face looked up. “I’ll never get tired of hearing you say that.”

Raising a hand from the bed, she traced a finger over Sabine’s bottom lip. “Good. Because, I’ll never get tired of saying it.”

An incredible mouth shot forward to grip hers and Shan’s heart began thudding with joy. _This is real and I want… everything._ As the realization materialized, she pulled away from the kiss. “I think I need something.”

“I thought that’s what I was taking care of,” Sabine quipped with a devilish smile.

She snorted and then stroked the soft cheek hovering over her. “Now that I’m part of your life, do you—would you be alright talking to me about things that are important to you?”

Sienna eyes widened and then took on the burning intensity Shan loved. “You’ve always been a part of my life. I know it might not have seemed that way, but it’s true. My plans, my choices, my entire future… you were part of every single thing. When I picture my life, you’re always there.”

“Oh.” Shan looked at her in joyful disbelief. “Force, I love you.”

There was a happy grin and lips brushed over hers. “Still love hearing it.” She continued intently, “I’m sorry I couldn’t share other parts of my life. But, yes, now I can. Is that what you mean?”

“I think so.” 

“Ok, what do you want to talk about?”

Questions piled on top of questions in her mind. “Phoenix Squadron, anyone else you love, how you met everyone, why you became a rebel, how you learned your many skills, Mandalore, childhood memories, important events, why you are the way you are…” She flashed an impish grin. “That should get us started. We can save the rest of my questions for after dinner, if you like.”

The woman stared. “Wow. Um, you’ve given this a lot of thought.”

Shan ran fingers over the beautiful face and said quietly, “It’s just that not knowing about your life made it seem unreal, like you were a dream that would disappear one day. Something I would never be able to keep. Now, I think I’m finally accepting this is reality and I want to keep it that way.”

A forehead pressed against hers. “I am so sorry. I should have told you how important you were to my life a long time ago. I should have taken the risk and let you in. I wanted to protect everyone and not lose you, either.” There was a long pause and a shaky voice whispered, “I’m not—people I love have hurt me and it’s hard to trust in things working out. I think I was scared.”

She gripped Sabine’s face, pulling it back to meet the regretful eyes. “Please, don’t be upset. It was complicated. I could have told you how I felt, as well. I thought admitting everything might be more painful, when I lost you.”

Sabine fixed her with a resolute gaze. “I’m not going anywhere. I promise.”

Incredible happiness tipped over the edges of Shan’s heart and her eyes fluttered shut as she took it in. She finally reopened them with an ethereal smile. “Hmm… I really hope you can handle putting up with me then.”

A bright grin shined on the dazzling face. “Oh, I can definitely handle that.”

Shan grinned back and then hesitated, thumbs absently massaging the face she was holding. _Honest communication is important. Ok, let’s try it._

“What’s wrong?” Sabine asked, expression morphing into concern.

“I want you to understand something, but it’s hard to explain. I’ve always—well, I feel things more deeply than normal. Even small things can make me cry, laugh, or whatever. It makes me keep people at a distance, sometimes. Because, it’s hard to not feel what they are feeling. If they’re in pain, it can be overwhelming.”

Taking the hands from her face, Sabine gripped them. “That sounds horrible.”

Shan shook her head. “It’s not all bad. I think it makes me a bit more creative in my approach to things. It’s easier to understand people. Also, when someone I love is happy, I’m _really_ happy.” She flashed a small grin. “Of course, it also means it’s difficult to fit in and be myself.”

“You never have to worry about that with me.” Sabine’s expression radiated a fervent intensity. “Riela Shan is perfect exactly the way she is.”

Out of nowhere, tears spilled down her face and Shan pulled hands back from Sabine, quickly wiping them away. Then, she closed frustrated eyes, trying to regain control of the sudden emotion. “Ugh. See?”

Strong hands grabbed hers again. Intertwined fingers lifted and dried the rest of the tears, coming to a rest on Shan’s cheeks. A soft voice said, “All I see is the woman I love.”

Eyelids flipping open, Shan sucked in an amazed breath. There was a pure sincerity exuding from Sabine that was… intoxicating. It took her a moment to formulate any kind of response. “I-I’m—You are—I don’t know what to say other than I love you _so_ much.”

“That’s all I need you to say,” the woman replied simply.

Raising an interlocked hand, she held Sabine’s fingers to her mouth for a long moment. “I can definitely handle that.”

Another dazzling grin flashed in response.

“Though, I started this explanation for another reason.” Shan steadied an earnest gaze on Sabine. “I want you to understand, no matter what’s happened to you before, I’m different. Not only because I love you, which is reason enough. But, also because of how I am. Hurting you would be like hurting myself. It will _never_ happen.” She pressed lips to the woman’s forehead. “I promise.”

There was a choked breath and the forehead dipped to rest on Shan’s mouth. After a long silence, Sabine whispered, “I’m not very good at sharing me. With you, it’s different. I want to give you… everything.”

A sense of beautiful completeness swept over Shan and she rubbed lips across the smooth skin above them. “Good. Because, I want everything.”

Burning sienna lifted and then abruptly turned impish. “Can we delay the discussion of everything for a few minutes? Right now, I’m optimistically estimating sixteen more seconds before I totally lose control and never stop kissing you.”

Shan blinked. Then, a childish grin crept onto her face. “Well, I don’t know. I suppose I could be convinced. What’s in it for me?”

“Sorry, your adorableness has seriously impaired the timetable.” Lips immediately attacked her bare chest.

Gasping in surprised pleasure, Shan lightly scraped fingernails across Sabine’s neck and down her back. “Mmm… that’s a good start. Still, I think I need more convincing.”

Caressing hands rubbed over tingling skin as a delightful mouth enveloped Shan’s breast.

Her breathing elevated in rapid excitement and she rasped, “Is that all you’ve got?”

Sabine murmured, “Have I mentioned how much I love you?”

Releasing a happy sigh, Shan breathed, “Now, that’s what I call a winning argument.”

_______

Hera sank onto the settee in Barriss’ office. “It's good to be home. I am seriously considering telling everyone to be a little less effective. That way, we can move into your number two spot.”

Barriss chuckled and sat in the armchair across from her. “I'd never fall for that. I’m afraid you’re stuck in the favored position for eternity. Speaking of, where is everyone? Usually, I’m flooded with an entire room of excited people wanting to report.”

“Not this time.” Hera raised an exasperated hand. “I sent them all to their rooms. I can’t handle anymore family time this morning. I nearly went over the edge.”

“Hmm, I sympathize. You should try an extended mission with Asajj, Ahsoka, and Rex sometime. Even a young Caleb avoided it like the plague.”

Hera snorted.

“However,” Barriss continued airily, “as a reward for your long-suffering dedication, I have a surprise for you.”

She straightened out of her slouch against the cushions. “You fixed it while I was gone, didn't you?”

“I'd call it a team effort. It's a long story, but I'll skip to the end.”

There was a knock at the door and Barriss grinned. “Come in.” She winked. “Now, be nice.”

Before Hera could even process the statement, a young woman strode into the office. She was incredibly attractive and clearly a warrior, but not one Hera knew. _It’s not. Is it?_

Barriss beckoned and the newcomer approached in confusion. “Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt. Did you say 0900? Do you need me to come back later?”

“You’re timing is perfection, my dear. Have a seat. I want you to meet someone.”

The young warrior arranged herself, practically at attention, on the edge of the settee. She glanced between them with a polite expression and waited expectantly.

A very familiar necklace peeked through her singlet and Hera almost gasped. _It is._ She stared at Barriss in disbelief. “How?”

An utterly satisfied smile appeared on Barriss’ face. “Riela Shan is our new direct liaison with Chandrila.” The smile turned mischievous. “She's been assigned as Sabine's contact.” 

Her mouth dropped open and a feeling of deep relief filled Hera’s heart. “You're kidding. Oh, Barriss Offee, you never do anything halfway. I could kiss you.” 

An impish eyebrow quirked. “Well, I’m not sure Ahsoka would approve, but I can certainly handle it.”

Hera felt a happy grin spreading across her face and she switched focus back to the woman sitting beside her.

Shan looked a bit annoyed, but smiled ruefully. “How long until I actually understand what you people are talking about?”

Barriss laughed. “With your skills, my observant girl, I'd say you're on the fast track. However, let me help you along, since it's your first week on the job. This is Hera Syndulla. Hera is—”

“Leader of Phoenix Squadron.” Shan's voice rose in pitched excitement as gray eyes locked on Hera. “Sabine has—” She halted and clearly tried to compose herself. “Uh, nice to meet you.”

Still a bit flabbergasted, Hera shook herself and then smiled warmly. “Not nearly as nice as me meeting you, Riela Shan.”

The young woman smiled back nervously. “Well, thank you, Captain Syndulla.”

Reaching over, she gripped the girl's hand. “None of that. Call me Hera. Your presence here and that jai'galaar around your neck tells me we’re family.”

A hand automatically reached for the necklace, fingers running over the chain absently. Hera watched the softening of the girl’s face as she performed the action. _Oh, she is so in love. Good._

Then, a pleased, childlike grin formed and the remarkable eyes glinted silver. “Ok… Hera.”

_That grin is made for Sabine. And, the eyes… Wow._ If Barriss and Mon Mothma trusted her in the role, the young woman must also be extraordinarily capable. _Even better._ Hera realized Shan was twitching under the evaluative gaze. She grimaced in apology. “Sorry, dear. I’ve just been waiting a long time to meet you. I’ll try not to stare.”

Shan’s pale cheeks tinged pink, but then a wry smile appeared. “Actually, I’ve gotten used to it.” Glancing at Barriss, she added, “At least, no one is introducing me as ‘Sabine’s mystery woman’ anymore.”

Barriss chuckled. “Don’t give up the title just yet. You still have four more Phoenix members to go. Plus, I’m pretty sure Obi-Wan and Luminara are still arguing over who won their bet. Believe me, their battles can rage for years.”

“Now, I’m the one who has no idea what you’re talking about,” Hera commented. “Apparently, I should get out of the way more often. Barriss can really get things done while I’m gone.”

The woman in question shook her head. “Crime of opportunity. Leia backended our efforts and recruited Sabine for an infiltration during her leave. Unfortunately, it was a trap and Sabine was captured by the most capable adversary I’ve ever encountered. Shan helped us rescue her, during which all of us nearly died. You didn’t miss much.”

Hera stared. “Please, tell me you are joking.” Her face hardened. “You’re not.”

Apologetic eyes met hers. “Hera, you know I couldn’t pull Phoenix off mission. You likely wouldn’t have made it in time, anyway. All is well and I did deliver. So, don’t ruin the moment with complaints about me not allowing you to almost die along with us.”

Letting out a resigned breath, she smiled wanly. “Alright. I suppose I can’t argue with the results.” Shan was watching them carefully and Hera could practically see the girl’s mind processing any information she could glean from their interactions. _Observant. Smart. Excellent._

“Well, what now?” Shan asked with a shrewd expression. “I mean, did you plan this surprise introduction or were we really supposed to go over more protocols this morning?”

Chuckling, Barriss replied, “Actually, I didn’t expect Phoenix back today. It was a happy coincidence I couldn’t resist.” Piercing blue eyes glittered and then turned thoughtful. “I also need to debrief Hera, but that can wait. Let’s postpone our meeting until this afternoon. I expect your morning is going to be full.”

“Oh, it definitely is.” Jumping up, Hera grinned. “Let’s go, Riela Shan. You have family to meet.”

A bright smile shined back at her. “Yes, ma’am.”

_______

“Sabine!”

She flipped around with a grin as an excited Ezra ran down the hall.

The young man gave her a quick hug and then raised impish eyebrows. “So, how much did you miss us? I mean I know you barely survived without me, but I’m sure you missed the others some too.”

Sabine laughed and kissed his cheek. “Amazingly, I did miss you. How did it go?”

Ezra grimaced. “I missed you, too. But, the mission was horrible. We should never spend that much uninterrupted family time together ever again. I am not joking. You’re lucky you got to stay here.”

“Well,” she replied, feeling a bit awkward, “I did have a bit of an adventure while you were gone. Actually, I… have some news for you.”

“Really? What kind of news?”

Voices suddenly approached and she froze as two figures walked around the corner.

Hera and Shan halted upon seeing them and sea green eyes locked on Sabine. “Looks like we found two of the people we need.”

Sabine smiled shyly and then glanced at Shan, who seemed a bit nervous but happy. _Ok, good._ Looking back at Hera, she remarked, “Let me guess, Barriss couldn't resist a surprise introduction.”

The woman chuckled and then slid arms around her with a whisper, “She is amazing, dear. I’m very happy for you both.”

Sparkling pleasure filled Sabine’s heart as she returned the embrace. “I’m so glad you’re back.”

Hera released her hold with a soft smile. “Do you want to do the introductions?”

Ezra had been looking between them all curiously. Now, he switched his entire focus to Shan, excitement shining from bright eyes. “Wait. Is this who I think it is? It has to be. She’s… gorgeous.”

Shan’s eyes widened. Arms folded across her chest and she began rolling a sleeve between nervous fingers.

Sabine recognized that posture and spoke up quickly, “If you’re asking if this is your ever-sought after woman of my dreams, then yes.” She flashed a supportive smile at the aforementioned woman, before continuing, “However, she’d likely prefer you call her Shan.” She saw the arms drop and a more confident expression appear. _Good._

The young man seemed almost giddy now. “Wow. So, um, hi. I’m—”

“Ezra Bridger,” Shan interrupted with a mischievous glint, “soldier of destiny.”

Ezra’s jaw dropped and a diffident hand rubbed over his head. “Yeah, I can see Sabine has filled you in.” Then, a cocky grin flashed. “Good to know she described me accurately.”

Shan gave an overly serious nod. “She also said you taught her how to be smooth. Something I definitely benefited from, so thank you.”

Sabine choked out a protest as the young man’s grin widened off the sides of his face. Then, it transformed into a superior smile and he sniffed. “I always knew you could do it, Sabine.”

She shot a glare at both of them. “I didn’t say any such thing, Riela Shan.”

The woman looked at her innocently. “Hmm… I’m pretty sure you did.” Glancing at Ezra, she winked. “Not to worry, we both know the truth.”

He laughed and then fixed her with an admiring gaze. “Keep this up and you’ll be the woman of my dreams, too.”

A childlike grin crept onto the adorable face. “Well, it’s always nice to have a goal in life.”

His face lit up with glee.

_Gods, next he’ll be asking if she has a sister._ Sabine moved beside Shan and gripped her hand. “Don’t we have other people to find?”

Green eyes shining with amusement, Hera nodded. “Indeed we do. Let’s see if we can hunt down the rest of our wayward family.”

As they started walking down the hall, Ezra flashed Sabine a jaunty thumbs up.

_Everything is… absolutely perfect._ A blissful smile formed and Sabine Wren couldn’t remember ever being this happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I mentioned in my prior notes, this was the second half of Chapter 11, which would have been an extremely long chapter with way too much going on. I think it worked out better this way, but you tell me!
> 
> I liked the idea of Sabine finally going all in on this commitment thing and Shan realizing she needed to completely invest emotionally. The use of Obi-Wan and Luminara here was for two reasons. Their story, while very different, does speak to an inability to understand each other's insecurities and communicate - which is not as much of an issue for some of our other couples. The other reason was less story-based and more I just wanted someone different to provide support to Sabine for a change. I like the idea that one of their roles in this family is to dispense sage advice to all of the 'kids'.
> 
> Of course, the most exciting part was the family reunion with Phoenix. They've been gone for what seems like forever! I feel like there is another whole story in there about their mission. Sounds like it was rough!


	13. Moving Forward

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shan confronts unresolved issues with the help of her new family and our couple looks toward the future.

“How did all of you meet?”

“Oh my, that’s quite a complicated question,” Hera said.

Shan’s eyes darted across the room to where Sabine and Ezra were rummaging through supplies, trying to repair the young man’s sword hilt. “You don’t have tell me, if it’s not something—” A hand grabbed hers and Shan’s gaze flipped back to the woman.

“There’s nothing wrong with the question, dear. I was only warning you that the answer would be involved.”

Caleb snorted and straightened from his slouch against the wall. He moved over to the settee, settling beside Hera. “Not only that, it would take the entire rest of your visit to get through. Tell you what, pick one of us and we’ll give you a rundown. After that, you have to work for it.”

Of all the Phoenix members, Caleb was the most difficult for Shan to get a handle on. _I think he’s serious?_ She replied hesitantly, “Work for it?”

His grin widened. “Uh oh, you don’t know the rules of the game.”

Hera sent eyes skyward. “It’s a silly family ritual, dear. Caleb is quite enamored with it.”

The man shot her an annoyed look. “You don’t have to play, if it’s so silly.”

“Unfortunately, it’s the only way to get answers out of anyone around here,” she retorted.

Shan perked up. “You mean I could actually get answers out of people? Tell me more.”

Brightening at her apparent interest, Caleb said, “You have to make a deal. It could be trading an entire story for one of yours, or question by question. The goal is to get as much information as possible without giving away too much yourself. Really, it’s just a fun way to get to know people better, especially when things are painful to talk about.” He glanced at Hera. “That’s what makes it special.”

The woman's face softened and she took his hand. “Alright, I concede the point.”

He looked surprised, but kissed her knuckles and then glanced back at Shan. “Any questions?” Mischievous eyebrows raised.

Shan laughed. “I think I’ve got it.”

“So,” Caleb said, “who would you like to hear about for your free story?”

She considered for a moment. “Actually, I think I’ll save that one. Is that allowed?”

His eyes widened and then the man nodded approvingly. “You are going to excel at this game.”

Hera looked between them in confusion. “What difference does it make?”

Caleb gave her a feigned look of disappointment. “See? If you played more—”

“Oh, don’t even go there,” Hera interrupted, eyes flashing, “or you’ll be sleeping on your horse for the next week.”

The man gave her a defiant glare, though there was a hint of anxiety beneath it.

Trying to calm the inadvertent tension she’d created, Shan jumped in, “It’s ok. I can do the free one first. It doesn’t matter.” She resisted the urge to fold her arms and sink back into the settee. _Why are you so edgy? Calm down. If Sabine looks over and you’ve wrapped yourself up like a Felucian grappler vine, she’s going to worry._

They both shifted attention back to her and Hera said gently, “Shan, it’s alright. Ignore our minor quibbles. We tend to say what we’re feeling in the moment, but we’re not really upset. Even if we were, it certainly wouldn’t be your fault.”

 _Huh._ People expressing whatever came into their head was still a bit difficult to grasp. It appeared to be a habit for this family. _Guess I’ll get used to it?_ Actually, the more Shan considered the idea, the more appealing it became.

Hera continued, “You should definitely go with your strategy, if Caleb thinks it’s a good one. He’s a master at this game.” She threw an impish wink at the man.

“I don’t know if that's true. Still, I will happily accept all compliments.” Caleb planted a quick kiss on her cheek. “To answer your question, Shan wants to assess which of us is the most challenging first. It has the added advantage of being used for something she wants to know later, but has no acceptable trade. Either way, her bonus is expended in the most strategic manner.”

“Ah,” she said, smiling at Shan, “I’m impressed.”

Her muscles relaxed slightly and Shan grinned. “Don’t be yet! We have to see how I do. Another reason I saved it.”

The other two chuckled and then Caleb said, “Alright, let’s see what you’ve got. Since Hera is disinclined to play, you get me as your first opponent. Lucky you! I’ll let you choose the format, question or story?”

Shan considered. “Hmm… questions, I think. How long have you known everyone?”

“Oh, clever. You take the opportunity to go first _and_ fit a multi-part answer into one question. I’m not letting you get away with that newbie. Though, I will allow first question advantage.” He met her eyes challengingly.  

“Better than nothing,” she remarked lightly. Based on the group interactions she had observed this morning, Shan was fairly sure he had known Ahsoka, Rex, and Barriss the longest. That seemed like a reasonable place to start. “How long have you known Ahsoka?”

Once again, the man raised eyebrows, but didn't comment on the choice. “Since I was fifteen.”

Her mind automatically assembled more questions. _How old is he now? Circumstances of the meeting? Where? Were they always family? Was that the same time he met Barriss and Rex?_ She grimaced. He had answered vaguely to create this very issue. Refocusing, Shan saw a slight smile on his face and had an urge to stick her tongue out. _Two can play that game._ “Your turn.”

“Well, I'd like to know why you picked Ahsoka. However, I think that suggests a more interesting question. How long have you known her?”

 _Force, he's good._ Giving a airy smile, she replied, “Since I was… actually, I'm not sure of the exact age we met. However, my first memory of her is from when I was around six.”

A rush of satisfaction followed as both of her companions gaped. Hera said, “Seriously? Wait. That means you're likely from Shili.”

Shan tried not to show the sudden stab of pain and shrugged. “Guess you'd have to play to find out.”

A wry grin formed on Hera’s face. “Oh, she's good, dear. I'm looking forward to this.”

Caleb gazed at Shan oddly for a moment. The expression was difficult to pinpoint. He finally said, “How about a new deal? I'll tell you how I met Ahsoka, if you tell me your story.”

“My story?” Shan asked warily.

The man nodded. “Whatever story is equivalent to the one I'm going to tell you. I don't know enough to ask specifically, but after I finish you'll know what I'm asking. I trust you to follow through.”

Hera was staring at Caleb in near shock and her hand tightened around his.

 _He's just offered me something special._ Shan had no idea why he would, but it was obviously true. _Now, I really want to know the story. What will I have to give in return?_ The thought didn't produce as much fear as expected. _Huh._

Caleb added quietly, “Also, with stories you can include as much or as little detail as you feel comfortable telling.”

Relaxing completely, she met his eyes. “Alright, Game Master, you've got a deal.”

_______

“What’s wrong?”

Shan straightened from her lean against the end of the hallway and turned to see a concerned Rex. Smiling wanly, she said, “Nothing. I was waiting for Sabine to finish her briefing, when the sunset through the window caught my interest. I suppose I got lost in my thoughts.”

The man walked up beside her and looked out the small opening. “What about it caught your interest?”

Gazing at him for a moment, she replied slowly, “It reminded me of something I had forgotten.”

He nodded, but kept his attention fixed on the waning sun. “And, you don’t want to talk about what that was.”

“I guess.” Her eyes drifted back out the window. They stood together, watching the bright light fade. It was a comforting silence and Shan whispered, “It reminds me of the day I left Shili. I woke up in a cart and looked back at the city, but all I remember is the sun setting in the sky.”

There was a small jerk from Rex. Then, a strong arm wrapped around her shoulders as a soft voice said, “I see.”

Somehow, the understated response calmed her and she continued, “The color, the angle, the position over the darkened hills… all of it. I didn’t even know I had the memory, until I saw it.”

“That happens to me sometimes with…” he trailed off, not finishing the thought.

Shan dragged her eyes away from the window to look at him. The face was unreadable, but stiff lips were pressed together on a clenched jaw. “With what, Uncle Rex?”

The sharply defined jawline hardened further, before finally relaxing. “With the chiming bells of a clock, like you hear in a village or city square.” His face became distant as it stared out. “The clock rang as I ordered the retreat that day. When I hear one that is similar, I remember standing by the castle gates and looking out, knowing the battle was lost. It always feels so real.”

Tears started pooling and she leaned against his side, unable to respond for fear of losing control.

The arm strengthened its grip around her. “I’m sorry, Rie. I couldn’t save your home or your mother. Then, I didn’t keep a close enough eye on you. You should have been safe and loved always, _never_ alone.”

Giving up even the pretense of restraint, she turned toward him and wrapped herself into his chest, letting the tears come freely. “None of that was your fault.”

Rex held her close and propped a chin on the top of her head with a sigh. “Well, I can’t change it now. All I can do is make sure you’re never alone again and that is exactly what I intend to do.”

Piercing happiness flooded her soul and a voice that sounded like the child she'd once been murmured, “I love you, Uncle Rex.”

“And I love you, my brave little warrior.”

_______

Ahsoka stuck a head in the sitting room door. “Hey, can I borrow Shan for a few minutes? I mean, if you can spare her from whatever strange ritual you’re currently engaged in.”

Shan looked up from her awkward straddle over Ezra with a childish grin.

The young man raised a relieved face from the floor and choked out, “Absolutely! Looks like we’ll have to call it a draw!”

Zeb guffawed. “Uh, this looks more like she trounced you with no hope of survival.”

Ezra glared at him and then strained to look at Ahsoka. “I was totally about to turn things around.”

Ahsoka raised amused eyebrows. “How were you planning to do that when you’re in a reverse lock submission hold?”

His face fell and he slapped a resigned hand on the floor.

Shan grinned, releasing him and hopping up. “Good match.”

Ezra continued to lay unmoving on the floor, moaning loudly.

A bit concerned, Shan crouched next to him. “Are you alright?”

A hand shot out and grabbed her arm, pulling her face first to the ground. Ezra rolled on top of her, sitting up and locking Shan’s arms behind her back with a victorious cry.

Fluctuating between amusement and annoyance, she remarked, “You’ll have to do better than that, soldier of destiny.” Twisting her lower body around, she destabilized his sitting position. Wrapping legs around Ezra’s waist, she forced him sideways and then flipped him. Landing on his chest, she pinned the young man to the ground once again.

He struggled in vain for several moments and then deflated. “I guess I deserved that.” 

“Yes,” Ahsoka commented with a stern expression, “you definitely did. I thought I taught you sparring isn’t about winning by any means necessary?”

His amethyst blue eyes melted into shame. “You did. I just—oh, nevermind.” He looked at Shan. “Sorry, I don’t usually cheat.”

Her heart clenched at the dejection underlying his expression. _He wanted to impress Ahsoka._ Loosening the hold, she smiled warmly. “It’s alright. I’m sure you’ll get me next time. You’re quite skilled.” She leaned down and kissed his forehead. “Either way, you still win the smooth contest.”

The tan face flushed bright red and he smiled vacantly. “Thanks.”

She grinned and stood up, reaching down a hand.

Ezra took it and jumped to his feet. Instead of releasing the hand, he gave an awkward bow and kissed her fingers. “It’s been an honor to spar with you, my lady.”

“Well, that’s such a charming concession, I might have to keep winning.” 

He laughed. “Oh, you haven’t seen my victory one, yet. I’ll save that for next time.”

Shan rolled her eyes and then glanced at Ahsoka.

The woman was smiling softly at them. Crossing the room, she gripped Ezra’s shoulder. “Clearly, you’ve taken too much after me.”

Happiness sprung into his face and then a cocky grin formed. “Well, us soldiers of destiny have to stick together.”

Ahsoka brushed knuckles over his face. “Don’t you forget it.” She turned to Shan. “So, can I steal you away from the master of smooth and his intimidating bodyguard for a few minutes?”

Ezra shot her a glare of death and Zeb let out a hearty laugh. The Lasat put the young man in a headlock and commented, “Don’t worry, we’ll be just fine. I’ll be sure nothing _permanently_ bad happens to my delicate charge.”

There was annoyed grumbling from Zeb’s crooked arm and the Lasat’s smile widened. “What was that kid? Didn’t hear you.”

Shan chuckled. “I think I can handle it.”

The woman winked and then waved toward the door. “In that case, off we go, my dear.”

_______

“Since you’re heading back to Chandrila tomorrow, I wanted to spend a little time with you. You’ve been quite popular over the last week and I’m feeling a bit neglected,” Ahsoka cried with a mock wounded expression.

Shan laughed. “Everyone wants to meet the mystery woman, what can I say?”

“Nope. They’ve just realized how special you are. My bad luck everyone now knows what I always have. I can already tell I’ll have to fight for every minute of quality time.” Ahsoka led her into a large bedroom at the end of the hallway.

Feeling absurdly pleased, she had to hold back a silly smile. “I’m sure we can work out some kind of arrangement. I might be able to promise you an extra hour each visit if… I get a story out of it.”

Ahsoka’s eyebrows shot up and then an engaging grin flashed. “I see someone has finally taught you the rules of the game. I’m in even more trouble than I thought! Make it two hours and you’ve got a deal, oh gifted one.”

Flushing with success, Shan replied happily, “Deal.” Glancing around, she was surprised to see how homey the room was.

There was an elegant-looking settee in the corner, a spidery plant spilling blooms down from the ceiling, and a couple of paintings attached to the walls. An ornate wardrobe and an oak stand arrayed with weapons stood near the door. Even the minimalist bed had what looked like silky, hand-sewn blankets covering it. For what must be a temporary base, a good deal of effort had gone into making it feel more permanent and comfortable. She wondered which of the two women was responsible for the decorative, stylistic touches. _Maybe, they both add their own?_

Scanning back to Ahsoka, her eyes widened as one of the paintings registered. _Shili._ Shan had never been sure if the picture in her head was accurate, but it was eerily exact. The castle battlements rose in the background as swaths of forest stretched along the sides of the canvas. Green velvet hills rolled behind the city, which was sketched in prominent relief at the center and appeared to be bustling with small figures. Above it all, a burnt sun hung in a pale sky.

A tear rolled down her cheek. Shan wiped it away, trying to regulate the intensity of the sudden emotion. A hand gripped her shoulder and she turned around with a weak smile. “Sorry, I just haven’t seen it in a long time.”

The woman looked distressed. “No, I’m sorry. I didn’t think about it, when I brought you in here.” Her gaze drifted to the painting. “A friend gave it to me a few years ago. I hang it somewhere at each new base to remind me of… well, many things.”

Shan took the hand from her shoulder and squeezed it. “Don’t be upset. I was surprised, but it’s nice to see it as it was.”

“Do you remember much?” Ahsoka asked hesitantly.

 _Only the thing I most want to forget._ “Sort of,” she replied slowly, trying to maintain control, “bits and pieces mostly, but one in particular I always remember.” _I can’t believe I said that. I don’t want to talk about it. Do I?_ She'd talked more about Shili in the last few days than she had in years. It was frightening, but also strangely freeing.

Ahsoka gazed at her for a moment and then said, “You were there when it happened. Weren’t you?”

Looking away as tears rushed to the surface, Shan gave a shaky nod. “We—my father and I were supposed to meet my mom near the square. I was going to pick out a present for m-my birthday.”

There was a sharp breath and the hand tightened around hers. “We don’t have to talk about this. I just wasn’t sure if you ever had.” Ahsoka’s voice softened as she continued, “I learned a long time ago that talking helps sometimes. It’s up to you, though.”

 _I can't._ Talking about it in general was manageable, but this was something different. Shan dragged a teary gaze back to the understanding eyes. _Actually, maybe I can._

Shifting vacantly back to the painting, she plunged forward. “Everyone was rushing to the square and Dad said we should go see what was happening. My next memory is him running and dragging me behind him. People were screaming and I wanted to find my mom.” Trying to steady herself, she shut stinging eyes and took a few quick breaths.

A quiet voice said, “Did you find her?”

She nodded. “I don’t know how. I only remember looking out a window. I must have been in a shop or something. My dad wasn’t there. Or, if he was, I don’t recall it.”

Hands gripped Shan’s face, comforting thumbs rubbing over her cheeks. “Keep going.”

“I—I saw _him_ coming. He was cutting down everyone in his way. It was terrible, but I couldn't seem to move or look anywhere else. Then, Mom suddenly appeared, sprinting down the street and shouting orders. I remember being so happy at finding her, feeling safe because she was there. Until, a little girl ran out of nowhere, right into his path. I guess she had panicked. But, he didn’t stop and Mom—s-she tried—” Breaking off, Shan wasn’t sure she could go on. Breaths were coming erratically and her chest throbbed from the effort.

Lips pressed against her forehead. “You’re almost there, Rie. Don’t think about what you’re going to say. Just say it.”

The bracing grip and soothing tone brought a level of calm to the chaos. Anchoring to the solid presence, Shan immersed herself into the memories. “His eyes were like blank hatred or something.” Her heart palpitated with visceral fear at the image. “Mom shoved the girl out of the way and they fought. She got a hit or two in, I think. Then, he seemed to explode and Mom couldn’t—that’s when he—he—” The words wouldn’t come.

“It’s ok. I understand,” Ahsoka whispered hoarsely. There was a deep breath and then a steadier voice asked, “What happened next?”

“He kept going, like it was nothing. I ran to her, but she was already d-de—gone. I screamed at her to get up.” Years of repressed anguish spilled out of burning eyes. “I didn’t understand why she wouldn’t answer. I was so angry at her for ignoring me and just kept shaking her—” Shan halted as her body began to convulse with sobs.

Arms pulled Shan into a warm chest. “Gods, you are _so_ strong.” A gentle hand stroked her hair.

She pressed herself into Ahsoka, unable to stop the releasing agony. After what felt like an eternity of frenetic tears, Shan’s mind cleared. Exhaustion crept over her, but she suddenly realized the aching grief had receded to the background. Now, something else had replaced it. _I’m angry. Not just angry. I’m furious. Has that always been there?_   

Lifting her head, she looked up at Ahsoka. “Are you still… angry about what happened?”

Fierce blue eyes filled with distant pain. “Occasionally, but I used to be much angrier. It was pure rage, sometimes. I think it was the helplessness, not being able to do anything about what happened.”

“How did you get over it?” she asked hopefully.

Ahsoka’s face turned thoughtful. “Well, it took me a while, so it’s hard to pinpoint. I do know it started to fade when I opened up about how I was feeling to someone. Talking about it, even when it hurt, helped in the long run. I think having support gave me the ability to process it properly.”

Shan considered the idea. Deciding to give it a try, she said, “I don’t really understand why I’m angry. I feel like I’m mad at—” she broke off with shame at the thought.

“Go ahead, my dear. It doesn’t matter how it sounds. Believe me, I’ve probably had much worse thoughts.”

The words created some comfort and she rushed out, “I’m mad at my mom.” Another wave of intense anger rolled over her. “I’m furious at her for dying to protect that other girl. And, my dad too—for leaving. I’m so angry they left me alone. It’s not like they wanted to, but I can’t seem to help it.”  

Ahsoka nodded understanding. “Actually, that’s how I felt for a while.”

Confidence surged at the response and Shan said quietly, “It hurts. I want it to go away.”

“I know. Now that you know it’s there, you can work on it. You already are, actually, right now. Talking about it with the people who love you is important. Ignoring the pain only makes it worse. It affects you in ways you don’t always realize. Does that make sense?”

Shan leaned back into Ahsoka’s chest. “Ok. Can I… talk to you about it?” 

“Absolutely.” Arms tightened around her. “You don’t have to limit yourself to only me, though. More support makes it easier. That’s what family means. Everyone helped me in different ways.” Ahsoka paused and then added firmly, “No matter what, talking to Sabine is critical.”

She stiffened. _Sabine loves me. Why wouldn’t I?_ Somehow, it felt like too much.

A soft voice said, “She can handle it and so can you, Rie. It will make you both stronger. Together you can face anything, if you share everything. I learned the same lesson with Barriss. Hopefully, it will take you less time to realize that than it took me.”

 _That’s what I want, isn’t it?_ Shan gradually relaxed and a smile formed. “Ok, I’ll give it a try.”

“Good.” Ahsoka kissed the top of her head. “Don’t worry, my gifted girl. Everything will be alright.”

_______

Sabine gazed moodily out the bedroom door as Shan packed her bag. _This isn’t the same as before. You'll see her soon. Get it together._

Unexpected fingers ran across the back of Sabine’s neck, pulling her out of the gloomy thoughts. “Stop pouting. I’ll see you in three weeks. Actually, it’s two weeks, five days, seven hours and, uh, some minutes. You won’t even notice I’m gone.”

A happy smile curved onto Sabine’s face. “Oh, I’ll so notice.” Turning to face her, she brushed fingers over the exquisite mouth. “Gods, I’ll miss you.”

Gray eyes shined with pleasure and then Shan lightly kissed her nose. “If you didn’t, we’d have serious problems, wouldn’t we?”

Sliding arms around the woman she loved, Sabine laughed. “True. Enjoy it while you can. One of these days, this rebellion is going to end. Then, you won’t be able to get rid of me.”

Shan’s expression turned intense. “That is the plan, my incredible rebel. In fact, it’s the only plan I’ll accept.”

Sabine stared, slow joy creeping into her heart. “Good. Because, that’s the only plan I’ve got, Riela Shan. I promised you a long time ago that I had no intention of disappointing you. It’s definitely not gonna happen now.”

A childlike grin formed. “I told you that wouldn’t be a problem. You should listen to me more often.”

Rubbing lips over the pale cheeks, she said softly, “I’ll take it under advisement, my adorable lieutenant.”

A hand reached up and traced a path over Sabine’s forehead and down the side of her face. As the fingers fluttered over her chin, an amazed sigh came from Shan. “Somehow, I still can’t believe you exist. I thought it was crazy that I even got to touch you. You loving me nearly sent me into emotional overload. The idea of having you for the rest of my life is… so joy-inducing as to be unreal. Are you sure I haven’t fallen into some kind of delusional mental state?”

She locked their eyes. “This is so very real. All of it.” Then, Sabine flashed an impish grin. “However, if it helps, you can think of yourself as delusional—assuming I’m allowed to be a major part of the delusion.”

The woman laughed and then wrapped arms around Sabine’s neck. “Works for me.” Swiftly leaning in, Shan pressed passionate lips to hers.

Smiling through the kiss, Sabine knew two weeks, five days, seven hours, and exactly nine minutes couldn’t come fast enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, another one bites the dust! Yay! Thanks to everyone who posted great comments and all you lurking readers who gave this story a shot. Please, let me know what you thought. Some of this was experimental for me and I'd love to know how it worked. 
> 
> So, I always enjoy writing a final chapter in a work, but this one impacted me more than usual. Something about Shan just makes me want to wrap her up with love and support. In any case, we finally get Shan's childhood trauma revealed and put her on a more emotionally stable path. The bonding and group effort involved was an especially appealing concept for me.
> 
> I tried to convey both women’s progress in their final interaction. Shan is more settled and adapts to separation without an emotional breakdown. A now totally invested Sabine has become more dependent. Soon, she'll be planning impractical surprise trips to meaningful locations in their past for random anniversaries. (Though, I doubt it will take nearly as much convincing to get Shan to come than Ahsoka 'I am a sentimental fool' Tano had to expend on Barriss 'I forget we even have things called anniversaries' Offee.)


End file.
